A X'Mas Trip @ 25th Dec 2009

me,mum,mei n grandma, went to Pantai Merdeka which located @ Sg Petani..

mum said she hasnt been thr for ages...so we decide to go over..

we contacted grandma e last min..asking her whether she wan2 come along..she said yes..she ended up making some fried meehoon for us to eat..like 'picnic-king'..love her loads..

mum said the place has change alot...

its really windy over thr... mum's hving fun n so do us..

n guess wat..we're e only chinese thr...haha..all of the ppl thr r malays..

some r fishing, thus most of e kids r playing wit the sea water... mum said the beach b4 was crystal clear...u can even see e fish in e water..bt rite now..all beaches in malaysia are dirty..haha very affirmative..

then mei suggested that we make our sand sculpture...

so this is it..

on our way home..mum drove..then we end up making one big round till we're on the right way home..haha..after hving fun,we forgot the way home..haha

24th December 2009 - Thursday @ 1548hrs

Merry Christmas Y'ALL!!! Today's X'mas Eve..celebratin e day wif mum n xiao mei...

jesselyn n bean went down to jb to see gege liao... she should b reaching @ 5.15pm..ge is driving jelly to fetch them... hope she'll spend wonderous time wit ge.. i realli do hope tt i can go bt i cant..mum's here alone.. wouldnt wan her to spend her xmas alone..

goin for midnight mass later @ st anne's.. let enjoy e xmas spirit together!!! woohoo!! hope there r lots of presents for me under e xmas tree...hehe..

actually i have to travel down to KL to celebrate xmas wif my cousins..bt mum said its too rushing in additonal "his" B.H. driving skills...coz after he drive..we'all will get heart attack n die..so better not go..haha so sory couz.. n so sorry harry i cant go down to party wif u.. =(

lets hope its goona b one Jolly n Happy Xmas 2009!

Jingle Bells is Coming...

Jingle Bells is coming..it is one nice day to spent wif mum n sis...bt in e end... da jie is goin down to jb..sighs..im not sad abt not spending e xmas wif her.. bt im sad she's goin down to jb n tellin me n mei not to...sometimes i dislike her very much...

neway..ystday mum,da jie + her bf + mei + mei ling jie + nieces..went out to Penang...at 1st we met up wif mum's ex-colleague.. we went to Jln Dato Kramat there to eat "Lok-Lok", after that we went to Thai's Sleeping Buddha's temple..later on, they wanted to go back @ 5pm..so we couldnt go till Ke Lok Si to take a look @ e Goddess of Mercy... which is a wonderful place to hang out..

after showing them e way back from where they came from.. all 8 of us went shopping @ Jusco in Queensbay..i bought lots n lotsa stuff..my 100 bucks flew away d..bt its worth it.. =) .. ystday in Queensbay, there's a show acted for the movie "The Dark Knight" which is coming soon to e big screen... later on, there's a model search.. where i only saw 10 pretty ladies n 1 handsome guy..he's not e only guy in the finals..for me..he's a guy who's much better looking than e others..

haha...

in e end..i dint buy anything for xmas present...haha..mayb it will b amend during new year ba.. =)

11th December 2009 - Friday @1508hrs

... been bz this week...

msn wif ge ystday... i was hoing tt he could come up to penang rather tahn v owaz goin down to jb.. i relli hope that he'll b here to celebrate xmas wif us... bt then, he said he's goin to celebrate xmas wif his 1st god daugther..guess that's important.. *sighs

xmas is coming.. bt i cant go down to jb n celebrate it wif alicia jie n ge.. coz da jie said she's goin down wif her bf.. n she keeps sayin tt i went down during june ald..still wan2 head down to jb again..

i dun understand..for heaven's sake, its my $$..coz mama said i can go down ald..oh well, guess that's that.. i hv to change my plans abt goin down to jb d..coz next year mei is hving a major exam..so cant bring her down to jb either.. so mayb the year after ba...

i reli hate da jie sometimes..coz she's being abnoxious all e time when she's wif her bf..sometimes i pity her bf..though its his 1st time in a relationship..so for all 1st timers..they dunno some of e stuff..some guys are not sensitive...so hv to bear wit it...sometimes her request are reli too much for him..i pity him @ times...

i hate my cousin bro,Kelvin..he owaz touch my stuffs..my facebook status..he will write "im super duper fat", "im so itchy" etc... urgh..! so so hate him..i feel like scolding him @ times..like today, i dunno how the stores' person are working..then he scolds me wor.. out of nothing.. coz i dunno anything.. argh !! so angry wit him...

neway..Star Walk is on Sunday..reli hope that i can get a medal or sumting... =) wish me luck!!

28th Nov 2009 - Saturday @ 1542hrs

while everybody's is taking their own sweet time to spend the day...im here working my ass off..though its a holiday..

gege..fly my aeroplane again... he told me tt he's coming up 2 penang for hols..bt then, called him ystdy..he told me tt every hotel in Bt Feringgi is fully booked..so e aeroplane flew off juz like tt...

sighs..so sad..

aunt went to china for a vacation..left the company for me to handle..sighss..one of a hectic n bz week im hving starting on today..

sometimes im mad @ da jie coz for some unreasonable reasons.. she likes to let her lil miss behaviour to come out whenever she wans to get wat she wans..like ystday..she saw her friend got her nail done for abt RM10 due promotion..she wans to get it..so she went wif her "friend" n met me n mei there... so she said she wans to hv her nails done too..then i said go n ask the sales person thr la..then she comes wif her missy attitude askin me n mei to ask.. ARGH! totali hate her attitude infront of her "friend"..++ i even hate her for breaking her promises to herself n me..

saying tt she'll leave that guy for good..in the end, the promise has been breaking since then..

her bf is far more better than e "friend" she's hanging out now.. i dun knw wat she wan2 do..no matter wat im still angry wit her.. twice she went out wif her "friend" till 5 am..mostly 4am..

Mum's not home last week..then i plan to take e car coz friday's a holiday.. bt then.. he's driving mum's car.. so..ask mei to ask him for e car..in e end, mei said i can take e car..bt on 1 condition, muz give him $$.. i was thinking, he drove e car until no petrol d..still asking 4 $$?? how dare he!

bt hv to give..coz if not..cant take e car...i told mum abt this..bt mum dint make a sound..

So So FURIOUS!!

9th November 2009 Monday @ 1234 hrs

One sunday..forgotten when d... one bible verse came into my mind..Job14:6 -So look away from him and let him alone, till he has put in his time like a hired man. wat does it mean?

is it tellin me to leave him alone..?? i really hope it does... coz i dun wan2 bother everything or anythin tt has got to do wif him...

the other day..juz last week..he juz went off without sayin where is he goin... left for 3 days... then his sis sms mummy..sayin tt he's wif her..coz he's on a mission for himself to get to believe in God. but its by the help from his sis...

anyway...when he came back...@ 1st i tot he'll changed..bt he hadnt...he's still e same old guy..nothing is goin to change him... he's still e same..e guy to asks for $$ from us all...i was almost bankrupt last month for real... becoz..he ask from da jie for $$ bt da jie said she dun hv any $$..then he said to ask from me..sayin tt i've got $$... even mum too asks me to give him $$...

1 thing tt i dun like to do is giving him $$..

e next thing is..he mummurs all e time.. dun even know wat he's trying to say..always criticising us..saying tt we've got no manners..owaz dint give him $$ to spend... so damn frustrated wif him...

well..mum's good..bt on saturday..dunno wat's got into her..aft church..went home..nag nag nag n scold scold scold all e time wor.. sighs..juz hope tt she wont get angry when she comes home this week...

another thing is...da jie.. last few weeks..she has been goin out wif this guy til 3am...dunno wat she's been doin..bt in e end she explain it to us..sayin tt she has been goin out wif this guy..pretends to b his gf bcoz of the guy's mother..so after tt..she got herself in trouble..the guy actually likes her..n wans her to b his gf.. though he ald know tt da jie got bf d...bt da jie rejected..n stop goin out wif him since..lucky for her...

n the next thing is..she get to go down to jb for xmas this year... so sad..i cant go...sighss...*sob sob*

mei...hmmm... she's been hving her exams lately..n been studyin late night since last week... another thing is..she has been on e phone wif a guy name Calvin also known as her schoolmate...curious between both of them...dunno whther the sparks are coming out again o not..hehe..

well...Penang Bridge Marathon is comin up...running for it...then later on Star Walk..hehe..hope that i could get in to a lucky draw n get a car...*crossing fingers* hahaha

I think its coming back again...

.... these few days has been feeling weird..its as same as wat i felt b4.. the sickness tt i had b4..

a few weeks back..e doc told me tt im cured.. bt rite now... i hv to go back for a check up.. i feel its coming back again..my heart pulpitation..my breathing.. my hands are trembling again...getting realli stressed up..getting angry over lil things again...

its hyperthyroidism again...

sighs...when will it b gone..?? when will it stop? i dont want to take any medications anymore..i dun wan to go through those needles n taking lotsa dose every time..my throat is swelling up again... bit by bit..

i realli wan it to stop...i realli do...

yesterday..sms ge..bt then he juz got back from his work..so he's pretty tired..same goes to alicia jie jie...wanted to tell them abt this..bt they seem bz..dun wan to bother them...

then again..with $$ problem.. he called mum up to ask for $$ for mum is not goin to b back this week...due to she's got a meeting in hatyai... then mum called me ystday to give him 50 bucks... i told mum tt i juz gave him 10 bucks this morning..dun tell me its not enuf to spend it for the day??!! im really furious.. im not use to giving him $$, so i pass e 50 bucks to da jie today...as mum reminded me to give him $$ yesterday nite...

sighs... when will he stop asking for $$?? n go work?? its impossible tt no1s want to hire him.. at his age..there r so many vacancies around in penang...as drivers n all... nobody will look down on him when he's taking up small jobs like this... at least he's earning his own $$ rather than asking from his WIFE! yes..children giving their parents $$ is rite one way..by e thing is his attitude of not working n goin out all e time..lying all e time..its not e rite way to ask for $$.. its not e rite thing to do also...unless he's paralyse..then its rite for me to give him the support tt he needs..

im really frustrated...wat can i do??

08th October 2009 @ 1621hrs

.... speechless...work is stressing me out... plus these days been getting angry easily alot...too many phone calls = too many unreasonable customers...

plus colleagues are also one of the unreasonable ppl...

juz now msn ge...greet him n ask how's work.. he's been bz these days n all..with new sem started @ his uni... bt then..he dint ask how m i..how's work n stuff..juz replyin to my Qs...
sometimes i felt like he farther away ald.. i think he's better communicating wit jie n mei..bt not me..dunno y.. sighs... hope everything's goin on well 4 him...

01 October 2009 Thursday @ 2200hrs

hmm..one heck of a day.. though everything when well @ work..

mei went too Pulau Langkawi organized by her school.. feel so lonely rite now.. da jie went for her dating time..as usual on thurs.. as dad went out..n who the hells knw where he'd been..

so im alone @ home..with my pc to accompany me..haha

mum's home.. as in for her work actually.. n she's goin out later for supper with her colleagues.. dunnno whether she'll bring me along or not..hehe xD..technically..no

well as for my work decision..comes another chance for me to work some other places..this job is assistant in sales.. same thing..working for relatives.. bt this one is good.. my cousin brother..

he's willing to take me up.. as in to let me b expose in sales challenges n stuff..so rite now i dunno whether shud i take it or not.. coz its gonna b hard..

rite now my plan is to work...save up.. go for college n take up hotel n tourism management course..later goin for cabin crew job..(which is my dream job) so i realli hope that i will make e rite decision for my future..

these days..earthquake,tsunami are coming up...one day after another..i realli hope the end of the world arent coming..so worried.. i wan to enjoy my life, my youth..my time..reali hope tt i cn go out rite now..hanging out wif friends..*crossing fingers*bt they r hving exams now..thus haven been in touch wit them for quite some time...

reali hope tt i could get out n hv fun rite now..staying @ home everyday after work..aint fun... :(

27th Sept 09 Sunday @ 1905hrs

jus got back from my jogging... its drizzling ald..sunday was good but hot..watching hannah montana's movie rite now..

i was in granny's hse today.. i heard from my cousin tt jie went to penang this week n he saw her...holding hands with sum other guy..while she's hving one awesome bf rite now... i dunno wats jie up to..bt i hope she'll make up her mind abt everything's she's done n wat's she goin to do...
bt when i called up jie to ask her abt this..she denied it..so rite now i dunno who's telling the truth rite now...so i wont belif anybody n i wont stand on everybody's side..

hope she'll make e rite decison for her life....

24th September 2009 Thursday @ 2226hrs

today went quite well @ work.. nothing special..juz tt everything came on smoothly as possible.. :)

Well ..as confirmed by today tt our company is helding another company trip to Hatyai..Again..

Hatyai has nothing to b fond of abt except for shopping of course.. bt the thing is.. i hv to go with aunties.. so its hard to buy somthing fashionable as they want to buy those boxes of instant noodles.. like they really buy everything thr when i was thr e last time..

as so..i haven heard anything frm ge liao.. eg. like e other day he told da jie tt he's coming to penang during sept..bt then i asked him.. n i dunno wat happen..e next morning da jie called me n scolded me..ask me no to say anything else abt his trip to penang n pretend tt i dun knw abt this..

i dunno wat happen bt... oh well im over it..bt then frm wat i heard from mei b4 is tt he's planning to come up during oct.. bt dunno when..the thing is my company trip is on 17th oct (Deepavali) so im reli scared tt he's gonna b up here in penang n spending his time with jie n mei only...so i reali hope tt he tells me when he's coming up or is he coming up o nt..

haven been talking to him lately.. so he doesnt reali knw wats goin on with me.. sometimes looking for him is like reali hard..when i feel like talking to him..its hard.. tts y i told my Favourite Jie on earth.. Alicia.. xD feel reli comfortable on talking to her my current events.. bt most of e time i dun tell to any1 my feelings.. coz im not that kinda girl who tells all my feelings to a person..coz im a girl who smiles n laugh all e time juz to make ppl happy.. bt wats goin on in me..nobody knws..

well yea..sometimes i hurt myself too..physically.. i told alicia jie abt this once.. i need to something to vent my frustration/feelings on..as though i cant yell or shout @ any1..no matter how frustrated i m.. n i cant on9 most of e time to vent it out on a blog.. coz ppl will feel tired..reading the same topic again n again..haha..

oh well.starting from 2mrw..everything wil start to b busy as usual..lets juz hope it wont get worse than it is now..

14th Sept 09 Monday @ 2016 hrs

im tired..

i realli need a break

im angry

for owaz doin somthing wrong...

i dunno wat m i doin to myself..im workin as hard as possible..bt its hard for me to save up a sum of money for my studies...im dissapointed in myself..sometimes i feel like crying..for not doin things right..

work has been stressful these days..for Hari Raya Puasa is coming up..today..some stupid lil thing tt i done..i forgotten to inform my store supervisor to make arrangements n leave some space for other goods..as though thats needs to b loaded up..i got scolded n mock by my aunt..bt e thing is i did inform e driver about wat he's gonna load up..e thing is i dunno y he dint inform my store supervisor..i told her..bt she says tt i hv to inform the s.supervisor rather than e driver...e thing is

my boss dint scold me..instead he made some different arrangements..

i dunno wat is happening to myself these days..i keep losing memory..even wat my aunt instructed me to do i owaz forget..i hv to think hard..bt its hard to let me flashback on stuff..to remember some major stuff i will owaz forget...i dunno how can i improve or wat can i do to myself...

i feel like knocking my head on e wall @ times..n these days..i do get angry easily..im cured of my hyperthyroidism..i dun think tt it effects me anymore..it has juz started..im trying to tolerate..whenever i could..im trying..i juz hope tt my colleagues would understand..n stop pressuring me over small matters..

i remember thr's this time.. i pass the chop n sign d/o to the billing colleague.. i remember taking tt d/o n telling her about this..bt the thing is she lost it..n she ask me to settle it by asking the customer to fax it over..i dint answer her..coz i dun wan to b responsible abt it..y m i owaz in this kind of situation? then during a few weeks b4..she keep asking me for it.. i said im trying..bt i cant promise.. the thing is y m i responsible for it..i did put it @ her place..wif my own eyes i saw it there..

i dunno wat to do..

i wan2 quit this job..bt i cant..coz i need the money to save up for my studies..

wat can i do? do i need to find another part time job?? i realli hope tt i could find one..

09 Sept 2009 @ 2021hrs

it has been two days since he came home..make it 3 as in additional for today...
i haven told mum about this..bt the thing is im kinda worried coz he might b in trouble or he's juz fooling around...so e thing is i have to wait until friday..coz thats the time that mummy comes back from her work place n he'll b good n stay home...so e decision of makin a police report is until friday...

2) there's a job offer in KL as a secretary for me..its a good opportunity for me..can b exposed to everything there..thats a starter...another thing is living in KL..gonna start a new life there...i wanted to go..bt the thing is the salary is way too low for me..its RM 1500..although this basic salary is much higher than wat im getting now..bt the thing is..the accomodation,transport n daily life expenses is way to expensive..mummy disagree with e salary..n ask me not to go..bt everyone is askin me to go for it..its a good exposure n all...sighs..so right now i dunno wat is my decision is...bt for now its a 'No' go..

31st Aug 2009 - MOnday @ 2345hrs

Happy B'day Malaysia!! ha....Today's is my relaxing holiday...no work..no complains..for 1 day...

After wat happen last week..friday...

i was here sitting in front of da jie's laptop..watching K.O.3anguo..then he went out n came back...changing car keys while da jie n her bf was asleep in e room...tats was in e evening if im not mistaken...then i ask him in a polite manner...'The car (waja) got no petrol ald arr??' then @ that time he shouted...saying tat we lied to him.. coz da jie told him that her car still got half tank of petrol..bt he end up hearing full tank...bt when he drive its only left with one deck...

b4 he changed the car keys, he mummured one sentence that i couldnt hear..coz i was so into this drama show of mine...then he went out n shouted n scolded me..coz he was asking me to get da jie's stuff out from mum's car..so i wake da jie up..then he keep on shouting saying tat i dint respect him..working ald damn big liao...no need to listen..n said mummy too pampered the 3 of us ald...

im so furious then...

i dint tell mummy about this..coz she's in cameron with mei..i wan them to enjoy their time there..bt then on that day itself..he called n complain to mum saying that i talked back.. i dint even utter on B.H. word to him...sighs..

23rd August 2009 @ 1716hrs

the morning started off with a heavy rain..wonderful feeling.. after getting ready n all..we went to church for mei's confirmation briefing..was a lil late bt it doesnt matter..haha..after that we went for hockkien mee for b'fast...wow..that spcicy n hot soup feeling was juz the thing to warm up in a cold day...

later on..go out wif my collegues n aunt for lunch..as my aunt said she wan to treat us all.. XD as she owed me one la..coz she lost a betting wif me n my cousin..bt she don mind about treating other two colleagues..coz she's quite rich la..haha..we end up in sushi king.. which we all ate a total of 42 plates..wow..we can eat..haha..i mean they can really eat..

right now..im enjoying the rain...while watching taiwanese drama K.O 3anguo..funny comedy..maybe later on will be reading my book Night World..pretty nice vampire story written..without mei around it isnt the same..coz the place feels so quiet..realli need her voice to b around.. coz when she's around..she n i will b heading to shopping mall for movies..like we owaz do..bt still im enjoyin the day...by myself while the two lovers birds r sleepin in e room.. hmmm..
jie's bf spend the night over here ystday..bt unsure whther he's gonna spend another night here not.. hope not.. coz dad will complain to mum saying that we slept in her room.. i sleep in mom's room coz im used to sleeping thr.. bt jie n her bf suppose to sleep in my bedroom..bt end up sleeping wif me..n i end wif sleeping on e floor..sighs.. watching them sleping together its juz disgusting..eeewww...haha..hope when e next time he comes to spend over night i wont spend the night in e same room wif them...ssshhh..dun tell anybody..haha...

21st Aug 2009 @ 2147hrs

On wednesday , franklin asked me out for a movie... hmm.. suprisingly.. @ 1st he asked me to check the movie status for him..so i checked.. i saw G.I. Joe is showing..n sms him..i dint knw tat he said he wan2 wtch The Proposal movie..haha..so went over to Pacific Megamall..had our dinner n went over to see buy e tickets..mana tau... he dint see The proposal around the screen..so we had to choose another movie..we choose District 9..hmm..not watching it anymore.. the front part is way to draggy... feel like sleeping half way thru the movie...then when i almost felt asleep..the exicting part started..so for e movie..not so good to watch..giving it 1 star outta 5 stars..

then the next thing is in the Chinese Lunar Calendar.it says that on Thursday its the Ghost month...so all e S.A.TAN are coming out for a month of holiday... so mum said not to go out till late night..hmm..! damn bored la...

Today..mum n mei goin down to JB as mum's branch n her company is having an AGM..so damn bored la me..for e weekend..got nothing to do...sighs..mayb i can continue my Nightmare book..
Its quite good also... not bad for the editor..when i think of mei goin down to jb.. i feel like joining her too..coz work is very stressful.n tiring.. today i work until 9pm..n sometimes until 10pm.. sighs..not enuf of sleep..no time to do my own stuff..

for now i really do hope that mei n mum can enjoy themselves down in jb..m so jealous rite now..
nvm..will b oin down again during december. :D

A job option

My aunt called me a few days ago saying tat there's this lady boss who owns a company named Tan Chong Motors... n she needs a secretary who can travel with her n organise her stuff n all...
so i haven called her up...to ask for more...

bt come to think of it..should i go for it or not? coz the job is in KL..n the expenses there are quite high...n mei haven got her license..n i dunt think that the job will wait for me till next year... sighs...so wat should i do? should i go or should i stay?

17th August 2009 @ 2059hours

its a day after the 16th August..mei's b'day.. we brought her to eat her favourite dish...yam rice,then wanted to buy her favourite cake from LA Delight..Apple Mousse Cake..Bt pity..they dint do it..so in e end we bought Almond Coffee Cake..which is very nice also..She blowed her candle in e afternoon..n got her face a lil bit of cream from her cake..haha.. :D

Then @ nite brought her to Kenny Rogers for dinner..n i bought her a set of Twilight Book..which costs me RM 200... bt its better than i buy her NDS to replace the 1 b4.. coz if i buy her an NDS she'll b playin 4 e whole day n not study... i knw her de...hmmh hmmh..

then today...it suppose to b another normal day of work..who knows all kinds of problem came up.. like this afternoon.. i was suppose to fetch mei home..bt when i got thr.. she wasnt @ her school..i was so worried..n i called mum n jie asking whether she said tat she's stayin back or did jie fetch her home..i was so worried..coz i use my lunch time to fetch her...i dun mind about the time..bt im worried bout her..coz thr's one time she walk back home... n dint tell me about it..coz she said she'l b staying back..n will ask her friend to fetch her home..bt in e end..she walked back home..

n the weather was not so good..its goin to rain soon..so i took a ride home..following n figuring out whr is she...looking 4 her..im so worried..then jie called me asks me to go back to e office.. saying tat if mei needs some1 to fetch her home she'll call... n i said ok then..

then the worst thing came while i was lookin for her.. it rain... then halfway when i was goin back to e office.. her boyfriend called..saying that he fetch her ald... i was so furious..straight away scolded mei.. for not tellin me @ e 1st place..she said she dunno tat her boyfriend is goin to fetch her..n i told her..if your bf wanted to go n fetch u..give me a call 1st..rather than i go out n fetch her n drench myself in the rain..

later in e evening @ work..when everything was so busy..i was on e phone talkin to a driver.. n my collegue..Ms Wee was asking me..this customer said urgent..urgent.. then i said i fax the thing over to the customer tat she's talking to..then she wouldnt listen..keep saying thes customer said urgent..how? i shouted @ her..tellin her the No. Plate of e driver goin to e customer's place... then she told me off..'DON'T SHOUT @ ME! everybody is doin their job" Then she gave the customer e No. plate while i continue to talk on e phone... i was so frustrated then..coz when i was talkin on e phone she can asks the customer to call back or watever so..bt she dint.. keep on talkin to me while i was on e phone..tats y i shouted..

i duno whether im right or wrong bt @ that time i reali feel like killin her..then later on..another collegue of mine came in to our cube..to take some documents..then Ms wee told her bout me shouting @ her.. n all.. the next thing is..she told my aunt.. bt my aunt dint bother.. coz she's bz at that time.. then when i got everything settled @ tat time..i said sorry for shouting juz now.. she juz said..ok.. never mind..to me she's like she's not satisfied with it.. bt i dun care anymore.. i apologize to her ald,,whether she accept it o not..its her problem..

sighs.. i really feel like getting out.. realli need a break this time..bt i dunno when...sighs...

hope e time comes faster... *crossing fingers*

Sunday - 28th June 2009 @ 1330hrs

Finally i find the time to sit down n write...its has been a hectic week for me...

n though i can cope with this...my migrain is back... i get blackout when i squat for too long...
sighs...hope tat everything's okay... now im sitting in my cousin's room..hanging out with da jie's laptop..surfing facebook..as wat is mei's doin e same thing right now.. n doin this..while mum brought her aunty's to another one of her auntie's home..

my grandmom juz had her eye surgery..due to there's a thing in her eyes that makes her eyesight to b worse each n everyday.. dunno wat they call that..n now she's wearing sunglasses..hmm..couldnt take a pic of her..coz she cannot see light jus yet..wat a pity...

i miss those days when im in jb.. i remebered tat when i got off e airplane n after taking my luggage.. i went straight n hug gege...its been a long time le...miss him pretty much..
hmm...talking bout him.. last week if im not mistaken.. i dun dare to call or sms him..he's in a bad mood at that time..dunno wat's got into him..bt he got better now..bt the thing is i can still feel that there's something wrong... something tat he's hiding deep down in his heart.. he knows how to keep everything to himself..juz like me.. express happiness to everybody..bt kept the sorows inside...while i was in jb.. i remembered e kisses he gave me..*on e cheek* i know he saw me crying on the last day..while i pretend to sleep..i dunno y i cried bt it juz came suddenly.. maybe i missed the life in jb too much..i had much fun in jb than spendin my whole life in penang..

penang's life is fun..bt to me it has been in grey world all the time..i had fun when i go out wif my best buddy..to the island..he knows where i waned to go..so he wont asks me where r we heading to.. i loved the beach..so he owaz bring me there...most of e times..bt we go out once in a blue moon..i smile when im at e beach..the lovely breeze goin through my hair n face..
for me its something tat i could vent my sorrows at.. sometimes i shout..n everybody will look at me saying * is this woman crazy??* i would smile at them while my buddy says she's had somthing on her mind.. :)

ge n jie knows wats goin on..bt they dunno how's my life been goin through tat much... i hv to cope on my own n be strong.. living under one roof wit a guy who keeps asking money from his wife..drove freely..asking money from his daugther..complain to his wife wat small stuff his daughters' did..driving his wife crazy all the time..eg: his daughters' forgot to switch off e air con n wan his wife to scold them...i dunno whn r all these goin to end...

st anne's feast day is comin... goin back to b on duty for e church.. @ ice cream stall... been a long time.. its happening starting 17th July - 26th July 2009.. hope to hv fun there..n not meet my enemies there...

tata for now..gtg home...lotsa love.. *smiles

22 June 2009 - Monday @ 1230hrs

I feel like banging my head on e wall...!!! My migraine is back... it started since yesterday...its much more painful this time... i can feel the vain twitching n pulling.. its very painful..
i think i got fever d... headache n migraine.. i cannot stand it anymore.. bt still i hv to work...cannot take anymore leave le...if i take i cannot go on holiday during dec le...

yesterday i sms gege... after mass..he replied very short.. bt still i think he's ok le ba...
still im very scared to contact him...very scared... bt i did pray n hope that everything's gonna b ok...

im so tired... so sleepy.. i cannot take anything tat contains caffeine...coffee,tea,cocoa... n office got no milk... juz plain water..hmm... no appetite to eat le...very tired...

20th June 2009 - Saturday @ 1539hrs

feeling kinda blue today....bt had a hectic morning...new "Big" customers r coming in... lotsa stuff to follow up..

ever since ystday..gege hasnt been talking to me..this morning i said hi to him on msn..bt there's no reply... then he go off9 ald... so i msn wit alicia jie...she said she got call n sms wif him..juz normal chit chatting...n now i dunno y is he mad at me... or is he really mad at me?? i hope everything's gonna b ok... coz now im really scared to call or sms him... this is the 1st time tat im afraid of him...

e other day i called him juz to tell him tat my office has big projects comin in...then company is hiring another clerk..so its the clerk tat worked here b4..boss said he's goin to hire her back here.. coz she's familiar wif all these stuff tat im working on... so as it is to help out... i dun like tat girl..coz for me... she's like a two headed snake *no offence* bt she realli is... coz in front of my aunt she'll act like one hardworking clerk.. in front of others she'll b another person...
sighs...i really hope tat she wont b heading back into this company.. neway its not upto me to make e decision.. its the company... by then i'll b working in 2 places..one in store n another one is in e office... so i'll b super bz... e good thing is i've got 2 tables now... i hope when im bz i dun 4get to eat... n i really hope that my migraine wont occur or comeback... coz i really hv gone through a hard time to let e migraine thing to settle...n b healthy again...

i really hope that everything's ok wif me n gege..n i really wan to knw wat''s goin on...

19th June 2009 - Friday @ 1530hrs

...dunno how to start on this... i've called ge ystday night..he aint picking up my phone calls after i phone him up 3 times...mostly..he will phone me back when he sees missed calls from me...bt tat night he dint..

this morning..call him..it rang..n nobody picks up n he juz rejected my call..so i got so mad..n angry..tats y im in a bad mood today.. bt i dint tick him off... i call him its jus to tell him my sorrows... n tell him wats goin on n so forth...neway..i got off my temper..n sms him juz now..asking is there something wrong..he replied ' No. Bz now. ' juz like tat... mayb he's bz wif his work ba...

for now i keep thinking tat did i do somthing wrong or watever so tat made him mad at me...or is he sick of me being his sister? or is he in a bad mood ?? as for now..i dun wan to bother him neither talk to him for the time being.. let him to casts his anger off...

i really hope that everything's ok
*crossing fingers*

Finally!!! I can DRIVE!!!!! 13th June 2009 @ 2147hrs

Finally!! after so many months of no driving life...i took up my courage to drive again...finally somewhr a bit further than my taman... to the shopping mall....actually was plannin to watch 'Hannah Montana The Movie' bt in GSC they dun play it..sighs..one trip wasted..bt me n mei watch '17 again'..acted by Zac Efron..a kinda comedy show..bt not bad la...

juz b4 that me n mei will owaz do the same thing when we've got the time right b4 the movie started... ARCADE!!! hehehe... played 'House of Death 4'.. its been a long time since we've gone out together n do somthing like this... i was hopin to go to Auto-City..coz there's roadshow on Best Audio Contest on Cars..Best Modification n all...sighsss..it ends today ler...bt i dint think of that when we passed it n at that time when we're on our way home..SIGHSSS!!! nvm...will do that the next year...

ystday was good... at 1st i was thinking of not goin to e christian church for e mass..coz i felt its not right for me to be there...bt then when i got there it all change... they prayed for me as the sermant on tt day was about healing...so they know that i've got hyperthyroidism... so they prayed for me n i thank them for that..bt still i will stay as i am wat i belif till today..as a Catholic...

neway...the good news is my lump is getting smaller n smaller when e days passed by..i really hope tt it doesnt comes back again..bt e thing is my heart beat is getting faster n faster by e day...i really hope tt it can b normal again.. 2nd thing... im getting thinner n thinner le... lost around 5kg right now... n im hopin to lose more than this...until i got till 55kg n that's enough le..n i also need to start on exercising.. eg. play badminton..bt the thing is there's no court here..plus..its hard to ask my friends out for a game..all of them wans to rest...sighs...mayb i shud start on joggin le rather than playing badminton...i really need to get back into shape le..or else im too fat liao..everybody keeps saying that i've grown fatter than e last time liao..so sad... muz JIA YOU n get thinner n healthier..

hectic...really hectic day for me...

hmmm...wat can i say...yesterday was really hectic for me..damn lotsa rejections on Nivea products coming in...sighs...yet still no reply from the customers...that made me really mad...

i dunno y these few days i've been feelin kinda low...n i get angry easily...i dunno how to handle these kinda stuffs anymore...

yesterday evening the TOG ppl came to our home for bible readin...today we're goin to receive a blessing from the Holy Spirit...n mummy was eager to get it..coz she wans to hold onto the tongue language...yes tongue language in christian community is pretty strong...but to me.. i dun really wan all these to happen..though they prayed for me as in for my hyperthyroidism problem that im facing right now... n i thank them for that..bt the thing is...i belive wat made me today is my faith in Jesus...hmmm...i can really see that mummy is into all these stuff..i really hope that she will make the right choice in being who she is n wat religion is she in...

to me all religion teaches good stuff..asking us to b good..so no matter what religion is more powerful n all..it comes to a result that is teaching us to b good..a good person...

n my home..is totally terrible...he keeps complainin to mum about the small mistakes we do n make it as a big story in the hood...i dun really like him...alicia jie knows wat im goin through..though she's not into it..i know that she n ge will b thr for me when i need them...
im very happy to hv her as my sister..

da jie..hmmm...she's been borrowing $$ from me..yes..i can borrow her..bt the thing is im like mum..n she's like dad...its like a circle...when jie asks me for $$ i will giv her..juz like wat happen to mum n him...i find hard to save up a sum of money every month...i've been payin bills more than she is..maxis,water,astro n giving mum allowance... sometimes hv to borrow her some n give mei her allowance too...

nowadays..he's has been acting weird...he has been talkin to me n all..i tried not to talk nor reply him..coz i felt its weird...suddenly he wans to get a good relationship wit me?? impossible...surely there's something behind it...

im so tired...what can i do to stop all these?? i dunno wat is mum up to..i dunno wat is on her mind..there's once she said she wan2 seperate wit him..n i end up looking for lawyer's phone numbers for her..n i asked her to call them herself..bt im not sure whether did she call them o not..or she's still hv feelings for him...?? im really confused n im really very tired...i wan2 get out of this house...n not bother about anything..bt i cant..when i think of mum...

wat can i do more??

the hard part

so it came to e last day of my trip...i went out with my best friend roseanne to city square..shopping..i bought so many clothes even gifts for gege n er ge n god ma...coz its nice to buy someone something b4 u leave...

its owaz the hardest part that i have to face..after i came back from shopping...i put all the gifts onto their beds...coz they're not in...except for gege...he's at home keeping me company..plus to send me to e airport...i cried silently in e room...n pretend tat im sleeping when gege comes in...to check on me...at tat time..i was thinking..i really hate leaving jb..coz its been a great time having to b there..where i spend half of my life thr...n i was thinking about family problems..where i dn feel happy to b back here..work is stressful n pressuring ald.. home is much more complicated..i really hope that i could get out from this misery...i feel like tellin gege about his at that time..i juz dunno y i said no to him when he asks me to...i juz cried..n he gave me a great big hug...he even try to make me laugh..n at that time he was hving fever...n im hving fever now...haha...

neway...i realli had lotsa fun..looking at my god-brother n god sis playing around when we went n play pool...i lost at every game...sighs...got to try lotsa new japanese food which penang doesnt hv it yet..neway..everyday that i spend was memorable but the pitiful thing is i dint take pics...the onyl pic i took is wit my god-sis where when i've arrived in jb's airport..thats the only one...hmm...
i wil take more pics,,when i get down to jb by the end of e year...looking forward to it...

E Jade Bangle

hmmm...remember the bangle that i said my best friend gave me...well yea...

although he bought it from china for me...he gave me when we're on e beach..hving my pressure let out..while enjoying the breeze...i dunno whether its a gift for being his gf or being his friend...sometimes i will think that whether shud i wear it o not... i dunno what kinda gift is he trying to give to me...its so confusing.. by looking at it..it confused me...

any clue?? no..coz he nvr once call me up for no reason juz to chit chat n all...he nvr once sms me unless i sms him...so wat does that means???

6th June 2009 @ 1028hrs

Finally i've reached jay bee yesterday evening... when im in e plane... when i saw jb city...it feels so good to b home...

the 1st person that i saw n in my heart i feel so happy to see him..my nvr ever changing brother...still skinny..still funny...then he came with alicia jie jie my GOD SISTER!!! n he dint let me know... he n alicia plan that she hide up..n she will follow up at the back to take my luggage... then gege will pretend that he lost my luggage somewhr... then i saw her....she's so punie...so little... so cute...

its our first time meeting up.. then we went for a barbeque dinner..gege got ulcer...so the both of us got the chance to eat up...haha :D

so today..actually i have to follow gege to a function...but i decide not to..coz im not familiar with all those people..plus i dun dare to show people how i've grown...as i've grown bigger in size..n my thyroid hasnt gone down yet...feel so terrible...neway..im an expert @ staying at home...

the doc said that my thyroid has gone down n she wans me to stop on the carbimazole...bt i still doubt it ... thats y im still taking the medication...how i wish i could go back to my normal size when that once im only 50++kg..now im trying to find ways to slim down...i've tried all sorts of stuff...bt still its not working... when m i goin down n smaller in size??? sighssss

4th June 2009 @ 1430hrs

this is the particular day that i can remember very clearly...

that one day...i've 4gotten to switch off the air-con when im in mum's room and for goodness sake i went to work...then he called up mum..telling her that i didnt switch off the air-con when i went out...
later on..on MSN mum came n confronted me saying that i forgot to switch the air-cond off...i apologize to her saying that i didnt mean to... then she said to me one sentence " what is the point of saying sorry when u've done something wrong??" i was so dissapointed wen she said that word.. For Goodness sake... sometimes people tend to forget some stuffs... i didnt do it on purpose as to let him to hv the chance to complain it to mum n to irritate mum...i dint do anything wrong..i've juz forgot...when my aunt ask me..wats goin on..when she saw my face gone sad..i cried when i told her the whole story...coz the sentence that mum is saying that i did someting wrong..n now when i thnk of that day she told me off...i really feel like crying...

i know that mum is goin through menopause... n i know its hard...bt come to think of it...did i do something wrong?? i dint intend to forget..i dint intend to let him hv the chance to complaint everything to mum n irritate her...I DINT MEAN TO!!!!!

Wonderland..

hmm...dunno wat to do...aunt n uncle (whom is my boss) went for a vacation for a week...been bz trying to cope up with things..im lucky to have lots of helpful colleagues...although i will get frustrated at times..i thank God for letting them to tolerate MY ATTITUDE....

nowadays hv been sick but im getting better...wow..family stuff hv been goin much more hectic..i dunno how or wat to do next..i wonder wat is happening next...hmmm...

Wat to choose?? Wat To Do???

hmm..these days..we hv been travellin to TOG (Tabernacle of Gospel) church..which is a christian church..to my mum n younger sis..they feel like the warm of Jesus there..as for me..its normal...the pastor there is taking us step by step into their community..n my mum feels confortable wif it...as for me..if u wan me to choose..i will choose to stay as a catholic..coz its from there that i came to belif that Jesus really exist...

i dunno wat can i do..bt they prayed for me n tot me wonderful things about Him...i do hope that i will make the right choice in being who i am right now...

21st April 2009 @ 1400hrs

hmmm... On sunday night..if im not mistaken..after i had my light dinner... he came in to mum's room whr the 3 of us are at..mum, me, n mei...n criticise me..saying tat i've been keeping n hiding stuffs here n there...n then he talk about the eggs problem...then he talk about the camera problem...i can feel my thyroid is boiling like hot lava tat is goin to blow...



* EGGS PROBLEM..

one day i bought eggs for mei to cook n eat.. i didnt expect that mei went n put the eggs in e room...i was like OMG..when i saw e eggs in e room when i got home...



* Camera

mum bought a new canon IXUS camera..mei brought it to school...then came home accidently let him saw e camera...so he asked mei...whose camera it is? mei said its bean's one...



about the camera thingy...he scolded n told off mei that u're a christian..so dont lie anywhere around...then mum shoot him with " u also a christian...as u said to ur sisters that u wanna b one n being committed to it...so u also lie everywhere" then he slam the door n get out... using mum's car...



before that... when the time i came home...da jie is washing her car..then she moved almost everything tat he had putted in her car out...then he came in to the room..n said..moved everything out la...okok very good...he slam the door n gate n drove mum's car out...at that time.. i really wanted to tell him if u got guts..drive ur own car out than driving mum's car..if u dun like this house then GET THE HELL OUT!!!



later on... da jie said that e 5 of us should sit down n talk... then she said i cannot tell my opinion...then i said y did u say e 5 of us should sit n talk when i cant give my opinion...?? then dun include me if u dun wan me to utter a word... i can get out of e house..let u guys talk...im so furious...



now i really pity my mum..i was thinking...when the time came n when she can say no to him..y didn she say...

13th April 2009 @ 11.15am

yesterday was fun... we attended easter mass on sat so there's no mass on sunday...so the 3 of us together with mum went out to get some 'chinese sushi'..then go home to wait for da jie's boyfriend to come over...then we went out to grandma's house coz da jie need to apply for insurance wit felicia (cousin sis). later then we went out n we went to penang to have fun for the 1st time...so the 5 of us went to PISA couse there's a wedding n camera's exibhition..coz mum wants to buy a new camera...

after looking at so many options we decide to buy the latest canon camera..forgotten wats e model d...then we went out for lunch n shopping!!! i've bought a new pair of sandals...hehe...tot of buyin some high helled shoes but..nothing fits my size..my feet is too big...sighs..hard to find shoes that suits me...

in this week...we''ve got the pawn golds out from e pawn shop...it all cost about RM 700++..its with me..n im not giving it to anyone to keep it but myself..i cant believe that he pawn mum's wedding ring n their engagement rings... OMG... n i asked mum y dun she confront him about pawning the golds including their rings...? she dint utter a word...to me if my husband pawns something without asking my permission or pawns our wedding ring..i will tat our marriage is meaningless...mum heart is soft..she wil easily forgive him for everything...

wat can i do?? i cant do anything if she doesnt utter a word or doesnt take any actions...i know mum feels helpless..but wat can i do? i feel so useless...i cant do anything to help mum..

04th April 2009 @ 5pm

hmm...how to start...im getting fatter n fatter by the day..sighs...i dunno wat is goin on...im still eating regular meals...not too much..now have to go on a diet plan...maybe its the side effect of the medicine im taking...still my thyroid hasn gone down...im a lil worried about it...

now my weight problem...i hv to control wat im eating already...hv to go for regular exercise...to cut down on my weight..swimming perhaps..im looking for a gym tat provides the best facilities and coach too...hehehe..

Just last sunday...i remembered...mum heard that he doesn hav a HP to use..so mum took her personal phone tat he bought n gave it to him...let him use..n mum will b using her company's Hp..but he refuses...he scolded mum..n said " i dare to throw the Hp away..u guys look down on me n all" then he put the phone at the living room table...
i dont wanna bother too much anymore...b4 tat i was taking an afternoon nap..n was awaken by the sound of arguements between mum n dad...i was thinking.. when will all these end?

mum said tat the 5 of us should sit down n talk...then she said later tat night that v've got to wait for aunt millie to come up n then we'll talk...i was thinking when is aunt millie coming up? if she doesnt comes up..when will this talk start? nvr?

whenever im depressed... i will eat..i will gorge myself...or i will go out with frank to cool myself off...but nowadays frank not free...so i ate.. n i ate..like ther's no full stop to me...

wat can i do??any help?

28th March 2009 @ 11.30am

i realise my blog are always on yesterday's story...hmm..

well this is new...yesterday mum came home... her left leg is in pain...so we went over to look for a physician in BM...(after dinner with aunty)..after that he called...he knows mum's home...i also dunno how..mayb the house is cleaner? or mayb he saw mum's bag... yea he saw mum's bag...askin us to buy something for him to eat...mum said there's no restaurant there n all... well hell yea there's nothing there coz its a housing estate..all u can see are houses... but still when we're on our wa home..mum still buy something 4 him to eat...

then he complain n complain about the situation of our house n all to mum...how i wish to SLAP him...he's like a cry baby to me...im so angry at him..always complain...SIGHSS...!! i had ENOUGH !!!
i really hope tat he could get out of the house... n let us live or own life...

23rd March 2009 @ 8.45pm

everything starts from yesterday morning....

when me n mei r getting ready to go to church.. he was sitting there..awaiting for us to give him $$...then he asks mei to ask me to give him ten bucks... i told mei i've got no $$ already..then i went out to prepare my baby bike to get ready to travel...he told mei tat we're very rude... at tat time mei was listening to music with her earpiece on but she can hear a thing or two...

then when we got home after church...mei told me tat she's very tired of seeing him home everytime...when he's not home she's happy n relax..n i felt the same too...nowadays a lot of things has been happenin...for me n mei...we dun like to get home early..we hope tat we can get home as late as we possibly could...when im at work..i wish tat i can do my job as late as it can b..so tat i dun need to face him nor see him..but for mei she has to face him when he's home...or she'll lock herself inside mum's room n nvr get out unless she has to...

we were saying about him on the way home..mei said...having a father like him..its like not having a father at all..im very proud of my friends.. for they've got wonderful dad who can WORK! although minimal of them are like crippal or like him got hands n feet that can WORK!

as in for now...im putting my first priority place is mei....i have to protect her...since da jie went over to penang island to work n she's nvr home often...my mum.. she's in pdg besar working..n not home oftenly too...i have to protect mei..

then da jie n her bf took us out for a movie n shopping...he saw da jie's bf car passed by in front of him..n we saw him too..then he went home n called da jie saying tat she dare not see him...n asking for $$ from her..da jie said..she'll give him e $$ when she gets home...then we went to watch "race to the witch mountain" hmm can say that its a good movie..really very nice one...then da jie have to buy her office wear..due to she has to go to PWTC for an exibhition...
then he kept calling n calling da jie..da jie dun wan2 pick up..then he called mei...

mei said that he's demanding for $$..saying tat he's goin to work...n wans to buy 4D...mei said to him tat da jie's bf got to buy something we cannot rush him de ma..coz he's the one driving,,,if u rush him dun u feel embarassed? he said tat we're giving all e excuses n all of these r nonsense...OMG my face totali changed when i heard tat...the happy mood tat me n mei r in... r destroyed by him..our faces turn black...n we've got no mood to shop nemore...
mei said she doesn wan to go home tat early..but da jie say she has to..or else he'll keep botherin us...

Y IN THE WORLD TAT I HAVE THIS KIND OF A FATHER??!!!
IM REALLY TIRED!!! I WAN2 GET OUT OF THIS SITUATION!!! ARGH!!!

21st March 2009 @ 4pm

yesterday night when da jie send us home from dinner... then she left..without stepping in to our home...
he's at home at that time... after da jie left...we went inside... n then he said.. "Y? she dun wan to come down? scare that i will take the waja?" mei said she got some problems in her office tats y she has to rush back...he said tat all these excuses are nonsense...

then he called mum..saying tat we all pakat n all.. i dun wanna hear anything coming out from his mouth so i went n changed n got into my mum's room to watch TV n sleep there...while i was watching TV together with mei... he came in n "perli" me...saying tat i sms mum n tell her watever he's doin nowadays n all.. ask me to send an sms to mum tat instance... i treat him as if he's invisible although im very furious on wat's he saying..n mocking at me...after he finishes his story... i sms mum asking her not to come home already..coz this house is in a total disaster..its not the home she wants...mum tot i was gonna fight him by talking back..coz i know i have to protect mei...tat's y i didn do it...

If mei is not tired after coming back from camp i might do it...i dun mind of getting beaten n all..coz i know wat im doin...i wan him out of this house..im so tired of all these..somebody has got to face him..really.. to mum i dun really knows wat she wants..at first she said she wans a seperation..now.. there's not even one move to prove that she really wans... so this leads to wat he really wans...he's all over mum already...climbing up to her head,...has the control of all...

EVRYTHING got to STOP!!! im really TIRED!!! i really wan to GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE!!!

16th March 2009 @ 8.00pm

GOD!!! its Frustrating!!!

yesterday suppose to b a day to let mum to b happy about when we celebrated her b'day earlier..coz she's not gonna b here on her b'day...

jess drove back grandpa's car...n when we came back after dinner jess acted quickly..she took the waja n drove back to Penang.. n she juz walk off like dat...she doesnt know wats the consequences gonna b..she juz leave it there!!

then he scolded mum n blame mum for everything..saying tat we've planned it all..saying tat we all are in a group goin against him...all those ridiculous stuffs is coming out from his mouth..n he made mum cried...!! how i wish i could tell him off... but mum said dun...better dun... I hate HIM!!!! y dun he changed?? driving an older car aint a matter its not gonna pull ur pride down..to me if there's a car for me to drive sure! i will drive...wats there to b compared?? modern n old? to me older car like nissan sunny its good! wats there to b complaint about??

then after a moment he asks mum for money..i dunno y..but i gave him the money instead...im so dissapointed in him...really im dissapointed... i feel like crying out loud now but i wont cry when there's ppl around...coz... they'll ask y? wat happen? i dun feel like answering those questions..

who can get me out of this AGONY!!! PAIN!!!??? HELP??

14th March 2009 @ 3.50pm

im still working as usual...earning for OTs =earning for much more money...

there's a new open gym in the neighbourhood... i wan2 ask how much is to apply for their membership...
if it is reasonable i wan to do my exercise there...its been a long time since i've work out...been too bz earning n doin for OTs...got no time to go n work out...so got really fat already..so since i've got the time now...hehe..

yesterday night he came home n saw mum...
came into the room where all of us are at...asking for mum's credit card n money...
credit card for petrol n money is for spending...
no matter how mum said tat she got no more money he still insist on it..
then mum got no choice bt to giv him in...
at tat time how i wish i could speak out..bt something keep holding me back...
its like something shut my mouth up..sighs..
i failed to defend my mum again...im such a failure...

tomorrow is gonna b a thunder day...
coz jess is goin to pick up the car from grandpa...
n exchange it with him... i dunno what's gonna happen next.. will tell u when the story happens...
tomolo sure there's an arguement to go on...how i wish i could get out of the house n let them finsh it themselves...
bt i cant..coz i have to defend for one of them... on the other hand i cant drive...cant really get out...
this arguement is gonna last till i duno when...
for now im juz hoping tat he get out from this house..

in additional... we're goin to celebrate mum's b'day earlier.coz she's not gonna b here on her b'day...
wat to do for her to be suprise? hope she likes suprises...its gonna be a Happy Earlier B'day MUM!! hehe...
hope everythin turns out right...

13th March 2009 @ 7pm

yesterday when i got home i was shock to see the house had a change of the "FENG SHUI"...
it means tat change of TV's position, where the house gate shud be open..
i bet that he got nothing to do...tat's y he's trying to do something to our home...
that's a change... but im not use to the new environment...

these days has been raining..which kept me to be really cold n freezing..
plus cant ride my motorcycle back when its still raining until 8pm (when im off duty)
lucky my aunt was living quite near to my house so can get a free ride home...
she's a great aunt.. she even offered to come n fetch me when i dont have any transportation to work...

im now trying to apply for my dream job... i've tried searching for air asia to see whether is there any vacancies available for cabin crew.. sighs...no vancancies at the moment..oh well i did my resume online through their network..
n im hoping for the best... im goin to try out for SIA, Malaysia Airlines so on n so forth... hope tat im eligible to get in... *crossing my fingers..

9th March 2009 @ 10.30am

Finally... I've got my one-day Break... from all work,stress,pressure n tension...
on Saturday went out with my best bud again... it suprises me when he asked me out...

in the car..we chatted but after a moment.. i jus kept quiet..all the way.. so he came n kacau me asking me to talk..
i dunno wats goin on my mind,, n i dun really know wat was i thinking about... so he said.."r u thinking about something??" So i told him wat's goin on my mind..

i've thought about money problems, mum... cause she's gonna hv a hard time paying bills..
bt that's not all... its just i dun wan 2 tell him more...
bt he suggested tat i go for applying for air stewardess..as im young..he said the pay is quite high..n i can travel around n will get to know about lotsa people...so i said i'll try..

the real thing is..im very tired of all these stuffs tat is happening...
that guy who always thinks tat he's right all the time..who's taking money from mum n sis...
whom hates me so much...i really hope tat he change...
yesterday... when we reach home after church...
he went out n came back home in a few minutes (or u can say its seconds)

surely to ask money from mum...after asking money..he came n scold us about the house about all stupid stuffs...
saying tat he suffers scoldings from bosses when he is working because of my kin whom knows his boss...
bt tat is all bull shit...he has to resign because his company asked him to..cause he thinks tat he's boss...appearing for work late..came home early..when his superior ask him to do wat he dun wan..he'll complain...
then..he said that when he assked for a little bit of money from mum to start a business mum will do her face..saying tat we look down on him n all...
bt wat/how can u start a business wit a few hundreds?? these r all bull shit!!
he went out again n then came back twice..scolding..like a bloody stupid crazy man...

i think he put a spell on us.. for we cant scold him back..when u feel like scolding him for he's being ridiculous..like wat really happen to me whe he gave me that last warning...its not tat i dun wan to not bother him..its juz tat im stopped by somthing so tat i cant speak out...mum told me tat all of us are in a spell..if we wan to get the spell broken.. it needs a month..

then at night..he kept saying tat the 4 of us planned already..cause we're getting an old car from grandpa..which
grandpa use to drive..he said tat we've planned tat when we got the car.. we ask him to drive tat old car n ask da jie to drive tat waja... he owaz said tat we've planned to get back at him.. its true tat we've plan to get the old car n let him drive it cause he's only goin local... bt for da jie she's owaz travelling to penang island..so which one deserve the waja?? surely the one who's driving far...cause its easier...

as for wat franklin suggested..i told him that i will consider.. he asked "y wait?, look u're holding urself back..its not ur family...u, urself..." then when we reach my home....we hugged n i thank him for the fun n movie.the last words tat he told me is.. "dun think too much..ur poor brain is exhausted"... i said i'll try...with a smile...

07th March 2009 @ 1.30pm

today... its a saturday so there's nothing goin on pretty much for me...
bt last week..its nice.. went out wit my best buddy franklin...
went for a movie..b4 tat he treat me to a wonderous dinner at T.G.I Fridays...he said its wat he can do for my b'day which has already past long time ago...at first he ask me to choose for a present bt i dun wan..i say lets eat somethin..n make it as a b'day present for me...n we did...

looking at him eating the burger he ordered is funny..coz in T.G.I Fridays their burger is HUGE!! so looking at him suffocating n hving a hard time to eat his burger...is really funny...

then we went up for a movie..Sex Drive... although it aint a good movie bt still its comedy... had laughs..all the way through the movie... I really thanked him for e day coz i really need a break from all these tension, stress n pressure...that is on me..he made me laugh it all out...n i feel great about it...

i was hoping tat i can go out again..juz for fun..so simple so easy...

02 March 2009 @ 4.00pm

today..i've done something... he asked mum for RM 10, when she was still sleeping (with me).. then he went out to fetch mei mei n da jie to school n work... i saw my mum putting RM 15 on the table..n i took it off there in front of her..
she asked me to put it back...she caled n reminded me about the money again...

so i did... i've put RM 10 n i put RM 5 somewhere on the table as well...
i made the RM 10 to look obvious..so tat he cant find the RM 5..
he came home n called mum asking whr did she put the money...

when i got out from home, he went looking for e money...
he called mum again... scolded her...asking n demanding for that RM 5..
asking where is it... mum said maybe i took it...for i needed the money coz i dun hv money on me..
he said she's working..working until there's no money left?? my mum said she gotta pay for alot of stuff u think that she got the allowance for herself??

my mum scolded me for being stubborn...saying tat i've got the same attitude as him...
but frankly, i dun... im standing up already... im gonna go against him already..its time...

17 Feb 2009 ; 10.10am

I've plan a lot of things ystday...im planning to catch him red-handed...with my friend's help...
bt come to think of it... it was STUPID...cause im leaving my sis home alone...i didnt think of her safety at home...
so i have to give up on my plans...

last sunday... when we came home from shopping for groceries...the bathroom light was blured for a few days but its still in good condition...he asked us to change it... immediately when he saw us bought the light bulb...he didnt offer himself to change the bulb instead he went out for a smoke..expecting us girls to do the job...n we did...lil sis said... he's not a man...

he tot tat he's the man of e house..bt now mummy is e man of e house...paying all the bills...i pity her..when she said she owed her company a few thousand dollars...i was thinking of giving her some more money to pay her company back...bt i dun think i can do tat...coz..my sister sometimes borrows money as much as a few hundred dollars...
like last month...borrow 550 for eon bank c.card... as the minimum payment for e card is a thousand plus... then again borrowed 300 for her valentine's day gift for her bf...sighs.... BANKRUPT LA SAYA NI...

10 Feb 2009 : 12.20pm

Yesterday... he call n asks mum whether did she took his wallet in his drawer?? mum said 'no'... then when i came home with lil sis... he asks us.. the same question he asked mum...we too said no...
he told me n mei mei not to pretend tat we dunno... we didnt reply...then he went out...

later then da jie came home... we've talk about the problem occur before she came home... i've told them to keep a watch out for he'll come home anytime... but they dint listen.. they kept on talking...little do we know...he was outside...after we've finsh chit chatting...hmm...da jie's face went pale...when she saw his car outside... now we r hoping tat he didnt hear anything...
if he does.. its ok... i'll put the blame on me.. i dun mind whether he hits me or torture me...its juz tat i wan him out of the house...

to mei mei...if mum n dad divorce..she said she might b following him..cause seeing him so pity...
if she does.. she wouldnt know how mum will feel...mum's gonna be broken hearted... cause she's mum's favourite...
to me if he's out of the house..with no income..n he still doesn wan2 work.. im gonna do like wat they did b4 for my grandfather..give him allowance every month... cause he's still my father...

Wat can i do more?? Although he's still my father.. but wat he do/did/does is totally ridiculous.. For now im juz hoping that there's increment for me...this year..or else i cant do anything about this problem..come to think of it.. he doesn like me a bit as his daughter...coz..wat i've been doin all these years to him.. makes him hates me more...
and wat he has been doin all these years to mum n sisters made me hate him more until the kettle burst,burn n melted...

i know im a cold blooded person...for doin something bad against him... but still the same reason..wat he did to my mum...i will pay him back twice of anything he did to mum...now im jus hoping that he would eventually get out of this house forever...

Its been a long time...

Its been a long time since i've wrote a blog... juz updated one.. now for current events...

hmmm... working has been tiring lately...but still relaxing...
everyday when im on my way back home... how i wish to see my sis smile at me when i come home...
how i wish to see my father is not around...how i wish that i won't see him everyday...
im hoping tat he'll b gone for good... i knoe wat has been goin on.. i can see..

im not afraid of him now... i dunno why m i afraid of him for the passed years...
he gave me a last warning... like i said in my blog... to me if he hits me.. i'll will b on my way to d hospital n report it to the police...its wat my mum taught me to do if he do so...

neway... CNY was fun...bt still there r some days tat i have to work because of some big companies...but still fun... no need to worry too much about all d delivery been goin on..aft working go home sleep... nice CNY week...

sometime im worried.. about my mum.. i dunno how she feels..just wan her to b happy...

The Last Warning...

hmmm... its really gona b one memorable day...

while i was on my way to the bathroom... after my mum left for work... he gave me a last warning...
saying " you think that i dont wat have u been doing behind my back... talk bad stuffs behind my back... telling ur mum wat i've been doing...listen n listen carefully im giving u a last warning"after he said all those.. he went out...then i've started thinking of..wat m i to b afraid of... wat im doin is right... telling my mum wat has he been doing all these days... i've have my rights...

so im jus hoping tat my mum will hold her word that she'll divorce him...im hoping that my mum wont go soft on him...