20th Dec 2010 - Monday @ 2020 hours

sighs..

Sometimes, its really disappointing..

Elizabeth from Choice group called me on Saturday, asked me whether Esther n I wanna go for their annual dinner.. So we said yes..

Cause this dinner was the only chance for us to join in Choice group.. N as planned a long time ago, that Esther n I wanted to join Choice to be a part of them.

Choice is an organization where they gather Catholic working youth adults together.. To go on adventures,to help out, to do most of the things together..

So talked abt the dinner, Elizabeth called while i was in the car with mum n told me that she had passed the tickets to Fiona,whom also from Choice.So i said ok.. N mum asked who called la.. so i said that it was Elizabeth n told her all about the Choice group n about the dinner. She seems ok with it.. but its juz one problem, who's gonna fetch me there.. I told her that Esther is oso coming.. N mum's face totally change, n said no cannot go..
So cerita came la.. She told me not to be with Esther for too much as she's goin to b a bad influence to me.. this n that la..

I was like.. Esther is not lidat.. The Esther I know is kind,funny n mostly outgoing.. She has great parents.. Its not that I'm saying that mum is not good.. Mum's the best of all but then she's too controlling over me..

N by juz listening to what others is saying,she claim that everything is either bad or good.. Bt I hope that she could know Esther like I know her.. N i realli hope that she listens to my point of view of Esther.. But I doubt that she listens..

Sometimes, I would like to tell mum that I'm growing up.. I know what's right n what's wrong.. Yes,sometimes its abt ppl thinking that their friends are good while others knows that they're bad.. But I know what I'm doin.. I know where I go n what I'm doin..
I realli hope that mum realli could understand me.. I realli do hope that this day could come..

My memories with my beloved Grandpa who's in heaven now..

Grandpa admitted into Loh Guan Lye Specialists Hospital on the 26th Nov 2010. Coz on that very morning,he woke up n fell down from his bed.. Grandpa did try to stand up but he couldnt.. When he tried,he fell again.. That's how his head got into the dustbin. Around 6-7am,the maid went into his room to check on him..She found that grandpa was on the floor. She quickly called my step-grandma (but we normally call her ahma)..n ahma called mum.. as my step aunt n her family is in Genting on that very day..

When mum got to grandpa's house, he was awake but he's complaining that his left arm is in pain.. As the home doctor arrived, the doctor advice mum to admit my grandpa into Loh Guan Lye's hosp. So from that day on,we've visited grandpa almost every single night.. Aft that, when mum rest assured that everything's fine.. Mum went for her team building trip.

ON that very Sunday,28th Nov 2010, Grandpa was sent into ICU..Coz the doctor said that his blood pressure has gone very low..So mum was in her team building trip, she ask the 3 of us to visit grandpa n see how's everything.. So everything was fine then..

After for a few days, grandpa's condition was stable n he's admitted to the normal ward..but he couldnt talk properly as he got stroke.. but then I remember him smiling when he held my mum's hand.. n when he looked at us.. n there's one time where he stared at e ceiling.. my mum asked him to sleep, and my mum put her hand on grandpa's forehead juz to close his eyes.. Grandpa got mad,n ask mum not to disturb.. Mei n I was laughin then..

SO as per the doctor,grandpa's condition is currently stable.. everything's fine..But unfortunately on the 5th Dec 2010,when mum thinks that grandpa's fine in hosp.. On that day itself my grandpa's heart stopped.. when I got the news I cried so hard..N cruelly my aunt asks me to work n not to go with her.. I hate her for that..

In the end，grandpa was saved by the doctors..But it was a 5 minutes too late.. From then on, grandpa couldnt wake up n was a vegetable then. NO matter wat,he still can hear us talking.. I remembered his tears running down from his eyes thru his face when I talked to him.. It breaks my heart to see him like this..

Mum thought that they're taking grandpa home as the doctors say he couldnt survive.. But it was another news the next day.. The doctors say that he's currently in a stable condition apart from the life support that they are supporting him with..everything's fine.

So 2nd aunt (mum's sis)who's a government servant as a teacher..wrote a letter asking for transfer to GH..So they made all the arrangements to get grandpa transfer..

ON 9th December 2010,Thursday, Grandpa got transferred to General Hospital. From that day on,I've been bugging my mum to bring me to visit grandpa.. but she said that the visiting time aint right..I work until 6pm by the time v get thr confirm cannot visit grandpa edi.. Coz their visiting time is until 8pm sharp only.. When i said that I wanna take leave juz to accompany grandpa,mum n mei. But mum keep saying no..Mum ask me to visit grandpa on Saturday aft work. She promised to bring me there..

Saturday comes.. I've been so excited to visit grandpa after work,waiting for the time to pass by fast.. when the clock strikes 3pm,I quickly pack my bag n got home. By the time I got home, I dint see mum's car anywhere.. I called mei,mei told me that they are in Penang edi.. It breaks my heart that mum had prmised but she told me she forgot..I was mad n sad..
On that night,I remembered Franklin called,I cried while talking on the phone to him.. Coz I dun get to c grandpa n I hv a bad feeling of it.. The feeling had bothered me eversince grandpa admitted hospital..It kept me up that night.

Sunday,12th December 2010,mum went out with aunt Lily n aunt Molly early in the morning to GH.. wanted to see the doctor to ask abt grandpa's condition. While the 3 of us went for mass. SO aft mass we came home,n mum was in grandma's house..At the time of 1pm,mum called us to go to grandma's house to meet up..but Jess said that she's tired n she took nap for a while. ard 2pm mum called again, ask us to go to grandma's house now..

While we were otw to grandma's house,mum called again asking us to rush over coz grandpa got prob d.. then we picked mum n aunt molly up fron grandma's house n quickly rush to GH.. Grandpa dint wait for us.. while we were almost reaching,by juz a turn away grandpa passed away.
I cried so hard.. when I got to see him.. I held his hand.. n it was cold..

Grandpa..I'm sorry that I didn't visit u after u got transferred. I'm sorry that I've stopped running to u n hugging u like I used to do when I was young.. Grandpa.. I'm sorry that I couldn't spend much time with u when I was young n growing up..Grandpa..thank you for everything..
I LOVE YOU Grandpa! n I'll miss you owaz..

My 2nd Accident....

Last Sunday,01st Nov 2010...ONe of my tragic days that I can realli remember my whole life..

I was on my way back after swimming with mei n her bf.. Bt mei said she wanna hv some roti canai.. So we went,driving mum's car..

Aft that, While we were on our way back the time is around 7.00pm.. the skies r growing darker by the minute due to rain.. I think the car in front of me hadn't turn his head lights on..
So there were four vietnamese girls standing in the middle of a busy road trying to cross..

So these two girls wearing black cross the road the car in front nearly bang them over.. I saw the car in front moving aft the "nearly bang over" incident.. so i step on the accelerator.. the minute i step on it.. the car was right in front of my hood.. then I go "OH SHIT!!!!" n then "BANG!!!" there goes mum's car again..

I park my car at e side of e road.. The uncle (chinese) came down n the first thing he did is scold the vietnamese girls.. then he came n ask how m I.. while mei call mum.. At that time was drizzling.. lucky no thunder.. So the tow car came.. n towed mum's car.. I was in a trauma then.. i think.. Mei told me.. She told me that I was staring at a place..They tried to call me from a distance not too far bt i couldnt hear them.. till they came n pat my back... I know i was in shocked n I dun feel like talkin at all...

So jie's afraid if we report to the police.. my license will b "gantung".. So she took the blame for me.. Reported to the police.. n did all the documentations the next morning.. I thank mum for not scolding me.. I thank jie for taking the blame for me.. I dunno what can I do without the both of u.. n I thank mei for comforting me..

The images of the accident keep hitting me.. I haven got a nice sleep every night..N when I started to write this.. remembering all what had happen.. I'm shivering.. n I'm scared.. I dun think that i can drive for now.. I'm juz realli scared..

Could i juz hug a person whom i felt the person with security sense n sleep?? arghh.. That's not gonna happen..

Oh well, this is gonna b another night that i couldnt sleep again. =( T.T

04th Nov 2010 - Thursday @ 2023 hours

Tomorrow's Deepavali.. The festive of lights n essences.. Happy Deepavali to all my Indian friends.. =)

OH well.. A week ago, Sophia told me abt her sorrows when we're working.. She told me abt her feelings towards her current bf has faded. Coz she's here in Penang n her bf is in Russia studying doctor. I know its gonna b tough but at least they maintained the relationship for 3 years now. Rather than me..being single all the time.LOL

She told me that sometimes when she call her bf,she bf said that he's goin out to play basketball or hanging out with friends..etc etc. SHe got frustrated abt her bf whom doesnt wanna care,who doesnt wanna talk to her, who doesnt wanna worry abt her.. hmm guess being in a long distanced relationship is realli hard..Well i realli hope the best for her.. I cant realli understand the feelings of a person whom is in a long distanced relationship..But from what I heard it aint that good.. OH well.. we'll see abt that.. =D

Thinking back abt the job offer that Alicia's brother-in-law offered.. I've submitted my resume in.. A girl name Jane replied.. asking me a few Qs n indirectly (I mean in other type of sentence) ask me to go for an interview. So I responded to her Qs n asked her whether it is possible to make a phone interview instead of goin down to JB for an interview. Till now, she hadn't reply..So I guess they've turn down my application.. =( Though i Realli want to go for the job offer..


OH well.. That's what God has decided for me.. I realli hope for the best to come.. God lead me the Way!!!!

26th October 2010 - Tuesday @1412hours

Well, I'm writing secretly during working hours..hehehe..

So I've decide to let God to make this job decisions for me.. I've prayed before I send my resume so that God will help me to decide whether I should take up the offer or not.

If the company rejected my application means God doesn't want me to leave here bt to stay with my family.. If the company accepted my application means I have to go..

To tell you the truth,I'm freaking nervous about this.. Dunno what are God's plans for me..arghhh.. this is killing me..

Well, if he decides that I'm staying, I would want to change my job field. For me to get out from my aunt's company n go experience and learn some new stuffs n make new friends.. N so new frustrations.. I would want to take up the challenge rather than staying in this safe n comfy home...

N one more thing, I've just received a call from Starbucks Jusco asking me to go for an interview today later in the evening..hmmm i wonder how would everything turn out.. So let's hope for the best then!

21st Oct 2010 - Thursday @ 2229hours - Decisions... =(

Decisions Decisions Decisions...

NOw its really hard for me to make a decent n correct decision.. hmm
Dont y'all sometimes feel its hard to make one simply decision even when its really enquires a simple answer like yes or no?

Well, normally it wouldnt be that hard bt then this time its realli hard..
Alicia jie, msn me told me that there's a job offer in JB for me. She ask whether that I wanna take it up or not? The company name is Mei Ban, actually can google it n check it out.. Hmm the jobs offers higher than my current salary now.. I realli wish that i could go n experience new things.. But the thing is...

If I decide to Go.. I hv to leave behind my lil sis and mum.. N thus, the things that are happening here.. a.k.a. St Anne's Novena n Feast.Friends like Essie,Grace,Mark,Noel and especially Franklin,my best buddy in the whole wide world.. n thus it goes to all of my church's friends. Well, for some things sacrifices hv to be made.. The benefits are, I get to go out n explore a whole new working world, lead a new leaf there..

If I decided NOT to go.. I hv to turn down the delicious offer.. N get back to reality.. Bt my plans are, to search for a new job in Penang Island which is closer to my home..to work n stay in Penang.. I realli need some answers.. God please help me on makin the decisions!! PLease God!

Lately.. Mum's angry with me.. She said that I've changed aft I joined church choir.. hmm.. I dunno y n where hv i change.. Bt what i know that I've owaz been myself.. n nobody elses..
Mayb mum's worried abt me goin out whole day.. n she juz get to spend the time with me during weekends where I've been out.. I think that she thinks that she's losing me.. Bt I really wanna tell her that, I've not changed abit.. Yes I've been goin out lately with friends.. Bt I know what I've been doin n my activities are clean rather than goin to pubs n clubs..
I'm out wif friends as in to escape a part of reality n enjoy myself..

Sometimes I dun wish that I'm here.. bt I hv to face the music.. So God I really need u to help me to make my decisions.. Please provide me some of the answers that I　need and that I won't regret making that decision..

13th Oct 2010 - Wednesday @ aftnn

A Day at the Beach

Load of LOLness... We're actually doing a farewell party for Lulu.. For he's leaving KL this Sunday.. =( Ppl who knows my secret knows how I feel (at least i think so)

N we went along with our newest member Gracieeee.. lol (my cuzzie)

Well, it all began with Lulu who came to my office as in to arrange his bike to send to KL.. He came around 11.50am.. and after settling the documentations.. We both left our office on my bike ard 12.10pm..as planned.. We rode all the way to Noel's house n waited for Essie to come n pick us up.. I remembered that it was a fine day bt with dark clouds la..

So while waiting for Essie to come.. hmm n its quite a long time i think.. Me n Lulu was hungry then..

Around 1pm Essie reached Noel's house n pick us up.. n we are on our way to Penang!! We went to a food court to hv our lunch first before hitting e beachhhhh!!! Miami Beachhh!!!

N so we hit the beach.. Woo! We've started off like a picnic party la.. then only touch the sea water.. I was wanting to emo at e beach n so does Graciee.. lol wat ur gonna do with cousins.. we think the same.. its in the blood.. LOL.. Bt then we end up with the boys carrying us one by one to e sea water to get wet la..hmmmm >.<>

N James was building his "Portugese Port"?? N thus we helped out a bit la.. after that they continued with football on beach la.. n James's port is e goal..

Aft all those fun.. its ald 7 something.. Essie wanted to play truth or dare with them.. n so we sat in a circle while drinking n played.. hmm not much of questions though, n so we ended the game short.. We packed everything n left it in the car so that we could go n shower n change at e nearby public toilet..bt thennnn.. hmm the public toilet's close..!! DAMNNN!!

Bt then there's an uncle whom's so kind (from e nearby hawker stall) showed us n let us use the pipe water at e back of his stall to wash off everything..From there, started la.. Essie got high edi..LOLs aft a few shots of mix vodka n i had a few too.. bt she got high n im not.. juz the head's spinning..

Lucky us, Markie got a relative who's living nearby.. We went there, its actually a recreation ctr on rental stuff on beach sports.. we went there to wash up ourselves n change into dry clothes.. while the girls (me,Essie n gracie) were waiting for Markie n James to finish washing up (Lulu n Noel got ready) Lulu complain that he's hungry.. lucky Gracie had made some delicious sandwiches which lulu named them "Eggna" coz its Tuna sandwich n Egg sandwich.. LOLs

After we all washed up,Noel drove coz Essie's abit blur.. n juz before leaving the ctr.. at e car park lookin at us was Mark's cousin.. n Essie said “Eh y'all wait wait.. Is that boy real??” all of us laugh n said Yes..!!

We went to the Long Beach food court to have some dinner, that time I dun realli hv the mood to eat much.. n so I shared my food with Lulu..=D at least somebody to finish my food for me.. hehehe.. aft dinner all 7 of us walked ard the night market for a while and head home..

Aft I got home, I've chatted with Gracie for a while, then Lulu came online asked me whether i got home edi n all.. So i replied by saying yesh.. n he told me that juz b4 reaching his house coz Essie sending Markie n Lulu home.. Essie tyre puncture..LOL.. n she's damn lucky to hv them both with them.. Otherwise, we wouldnt know where she would b jacking n changing e tyre edi..Lol then all e gang members came online n chatted till 2am..

N so as i always said.. hanging out with them it will end in the name of FUN!

03rd October 2010 - Sunday @1800 hours = Blue Sunday

Well.. the week has pass by fast..

Went for choir practice on Saturday.. Uncle Jim couldn't make it.. So we're practicing on our own..Some uncle conducting the choir la.. James n LuLu dint come for practice coz they went to Karen Lee's birthday party in Penang..

So after practice.. Esther C. dunno what to do.. N she's e one who's really active to go anywhere.. Well, me too.. I like to go out n hang out with friends.. Most of the time, until late night i dun realli mind.. Juz that the relaxation is there.. hang out n chill... What I love the most about goin out with them is chit chatting..sitting down at e beach n juz chill la..

Then yesterday night we actually plan to go to Noel's house n juz hang out there..Bt we asked Lulu n James whether they can come n join us anot..They say mayb can..ard 10pm.. Meanwhile me n Esther r in Old Town hving dinner n juz wait for the time to pass..Hehe.. I actually sms-ed Franklin n told him that I'm hving dinner alone.. ask him to come n join me.. In e end he really did come.. Thanks Frank.. though I'm not alone.. lol.. So me,Esther n Frank hang out-ed at Old Town till 10pm.. n Thank you Frankie for dinner.. hehe.. In e end we dint go to Noel's house.. went home instead.. Bcoz Lulu n James couldnt make it,n they went home straight..

So Sunday is today.. Went for 2 masses.. normal morning mass n shrine mass.. aft shrine mass ends around 1pm..then we had lunch n talked till 2.. then we actually decide to go home edi.. n last minute plans.. Esther said that she wans to go for pool.. Then we went.. I've played for a game n then mum called.. scolded me n asking me to go back.. my heart sank then..She turn my mood upside down edi.. Was totaly sad.. couldnt realli hang out with "Crazy Anything"..

Then when I came home.. Mei told me that mum doesnt wan me to join anything concerning with the Youth.. even choir oso..sighs..!! I really really really wanna join.. n its what i wanted to do for a looooonnngggg time.. n I dun hv the courage to.. Bt now, along with Esther I joined.. Im doin this is becoz I want to serve God in a way that I wan to.. Mum's worried that rumours n all gonna come again.. SiGHS!!!

I know that mum's concern of my well being.. Bt I know what I'm doing.. I know I used to b a girl who stays at home all the time.. dun feel like goin anywhere n all.. Bt I would like to hang out wit friends..especially with "Crazy Anything".. lol

Mum's angry that im always out during these weekends.. Bt I dun hang out until wee hours like 3-4am.. Most of the time is around 1am..n most of the time, Esther C. is the one who fetch me home.. I dun drive most of the time n all.. I know she cares.. Bt wat I can promise is I know what I'm doin n all e activities that we do are healthy.. Either is watching movie,shopping or juz a simple pool game or juz sitting down on e beach n juz chill.. I juz really hope that mum would open her mind out n let me juz hang out with friends..

Coz I'm bored.. I mean realli BORED..!!! coz after work is home.. aft home work again.. everyday is the same type of routine that i always do.. all I wan is really to relax n chill with friends...juz to get all the stress n pressure out.. arghh..!!

30th Sept 2010 - Thursday @ 2123 hours

HEyoooo...

Its been a long time since I've updated my blog.. been bz with work,church n hangouts.. lols

SO Esther C. is back from KL.. ever since then we've been hanging out alot.. ermm.. since this year's St Anne's Feast.. We've been doin catching up alot.. now I've found out that she's my hangout buddy n bestie.. lols..

Well we came out with a group name call "Crazie Anythin".. which e members of e group are Mark,LuLu,James,Noel,Esther C. n me..Its juz becoz of we keep saying anything to everything.. no matter where we wanna hangout or wat v goin to eat... as long as one person who suggest it.. we'll say "Anything la" LOLs

Its jus memorable for every moments that we go out.. Is wat laughter gets us most.. E funny n crazy stuffs we do.. Well to save it short. I treasure every moments when we are together.. =)

Last Sunday.. Aft confirmation mass.. n btw Happy Confirmation Day to y'all.. We went home n rest until 1pm.. Esther was with me in my house.. relaxin.. she was sleepin while I was watching tv n getting disturb by JJ (my pup).. So we meet up at Mark's house..Aft waiting for the others to arrive.. altogether 6 in a Myvi.. lol.. boys at e back r sufferin.. hehehe...n I mean SUF-FER-RING.. lols

We head to Queensbay for a movie.. hmm Esther C. chose a movie called "Wall Street" n she tot that e movie is an action movie.. mana tau.. half way thru e movie.. I slept off.. n so the others slept off too...eheheh for a while la.. or else it would b a waste of $$ la..

So somewhere in e middle of it.. Esther started sms-ing Mark la.. while we were bored n all.. then aft a lil while.. Esther's bf called.. at e end of e conversation she told her bf this "Eh babe wait wait" her bf said "wat??" "Wasssssaaabbbbb *annoying orange version*" she replied to her bf.. i was lmao then.. couldnt stop laughin..

So aft movie.. we were hungry..so e thing is we were lost.. we forgot where we came out from.. which lift we took... so we went to e route that we walked.. goin back.. then we found where we came out n where's e car.. lol.. silly us..

So we went to Northem for dinner.. Well, the food thr was mostly on western.. there's pizza,French food,Germany sausage?? n etc la. mostly on western.. So most of us had pizza..N aft pizza.. we went to e pier.. sat thr n chatted..even did the Truth only rather than e truth or dare.. we even continued it in car.. chit chatted until we got home.. haha..

I really hope to get more of this.. hangouts n all.. coz all is in e name of FUN!!

What has happen for e past days...

Woah..its has been quite sometime since I've blogged...

Well,these few days..I've finally got wat I've wanted.. My dock radio for iPod n iPhone... woohoo!!!

*jeng jeng jeng* Logitech Pure-Fi Express Plus...

I've been playin it in my room ever since.. The sound n bass from it are superb! I'm lovin it.. *teehee*

Tomorrow.. I'm gg for a confirmation camp @ church.. =D juz to help out la.. gonna hv a blasting station games wit e confirmants.. hehehehe!!! kesian those ppl.. will kena bully by us..Soooo looking forward to e games n meeting Martin Jalleh.. XD n I'm really looking forward to his speech again..

Oh well... work though its tiring..bt its fun also.. n i cant realli remember much abt the things that had happen along the way im writing this.. bt as long as im hving fun n that is what i wanted.. so Happy Holidays y'all!!!

Dinner Date ♥

Date : Monday - 12th July 2010

Time :-

Starts : 7pm

End : 10.30pm (coz Cinderella Anne got to go home)

Out of a sudden, when I'm still in my 'Monday Blue' mood..There came a sms from Anne.. It says "Jac! Tonite 7.15pm in Auto City..U,Cas n me.. Dinner together!! Ok? :):):)" . Then I replied, "Can..Bt I got no transport la..Lazy to ride bike to Auto City.. Y not I ride bike to Cas's house n I go together with her lo.." "Ok la, Den u ask her la..wat time she's leavin la.. So i c u guys tonite la..!" Anne replied.. After that I called Cas n confirmed on the transportation thing..

So after work around 6.30pm or so.. I rode to Cas's house.. N after that she drive la.. *Syok man..1st time I'm e passenger (Outing with girlfriends la)* We went to fetch Anne from her Mum's shop.. I went in to e shop to call her.. When I wave my hand to say "Hi" ..N her reaction was like "I know u bt I couldn't recognise u" haha..

Goin on.. SO we went to Tao,Auto City for dinner.. we all like "jakkun" lidat.. laughing all e way till e end of dinner.. Taking pics of e food n all..E food in Tao was superb I'd say.. We chatted n laugh all e time as if like our drinks/food got sake in it..hahaha..

After dinner, the 3 of us went to Fuel (which is v close by)..Coz Anne wan to smoke shisha..(which I've nvr touch nor tried b4)..but when we were there... Anne ordered for shisha.. but e waitress came a while later saying that shisha finish edi.. So the 3 ladies has left e building.. haha

We got nothing to do..we went to SS club (Slippery Senoritas)..I tot it was gonna b hot.. coz its a nightclub..N to say e truth it was my 1st time steppin into a nightclub.. I swear! But masuk there..it was a live band playing.. i was like =.=lll I rather go to a lounge n hear e live band there.. damn boring la SS..sat for a while n e 3 of us chao liao.. Coz it was way too boring...

SO that's all...though its a short Dinner Date.. Bt I'll treasure n remember every laughter n e stupid things that we did.. Cas n Anne! Love u Guys to e MAX!!! n Im hoping for more of this! ♥

Sunday - 11th July 2010 @ 2114hours

So its a Sunday.. One beautiful Sunday...(mmm~~)

Bt its pretty tiring.. Though I've to wake up early for mass.. Bt this morning, I kept waking up every one hour..it started 1am~4am.. Sighs..Dunno y bt i kept waking up every1 hour..

Anyway.. I had a fun day today.. hehe! After mass, I went for youth meeting as in for the ice-cream stall management..Woo! I'm so looking forward to this gigantic n wonderful event.. Im hoping it to come as soon as possible..

After meeting.. we went over to visit grandpapa.. Well, grandpapa is losing energy now..bt at least he still can walk,eat n talk.. He got thinner than before.. anyhow, we brought him to visit his sister.. n his sister is my great grand aunt..They talked n all..e laughter that we has is wat I cherish..N I will cherish it till e end of my days..

After sending grandpapa back.. We got home.. N mum asked me n mei to bake Sheperd's pie.. OMG OMG.. N its our first time baking Sheperd's pie.. haih... bt at e end.. We've made it..n it tastes so good^^ bt haih haih..forgot to take pics of it.. will do it e next time.. hehehe..

So its a fun weekend for me to spend..

What a Saturday !

Saturday - 10th July 2010

In e morning, went for some dim sum with mei,mum..Joining us are Aunt Lily n her kids..

After dim sum.. The 3 of us, went to Sunway Carnival Mall..went there to search for Mum's company's camera.. Aft the search in e mall was a failure.. We went to another mall on a mission to search for her camera.. We went to Jusco n e lucky thing is, I called up Speedy and got myself Olivia Ong's album..that I've been searching for..for so

long! N its at Jusco!

So there u go *cheng cheng cheng*

Front Part

Back Part

Woots! Lovin it ♥.. Bt at last..Mum didnt get to buy e camera for her company la.. haha..

So later that afternoon, I went out with Silvie n Sophia..As usual, I'm e driver.. We went to Gurney Plaza.. I actually went for windows shopping.. While they went for actual shopping..SO we went in to their departmental store n camwhore in their fitting room.. hahaha I let e pics to tell u e story.. (P/S : I know e camwhore pics are way too little..bt most of it are on my FB)

Mac n Cheese..

After that..the 3 of us is having a hard time to decide on where to eat.. Silvie cannot take on beef n lamb.. So i decide that we go for Swensen's.. n u can see my Mac n Cheese as shown on e pic above..*teehee*

After all.. we had our fun n laughter..

Sunday..

Oh well, Its a lovely 3rd July 2010, Sunday..

Aft attending for mass.. (Oh wait, Let me think 1st..Im losing my memory) We went for dim sum in e morning.. ^^ (1 of my favourite food)..Aft dim sum-ing e four of us (me,mum,jess n mei), went to Mei Ling jie's house..lepaking..haha.. Aft e lepaking n all.. we went to Krico to get some groceries.. at that time, e funny thing is Mei is wearing my heels.. which is super high for her la.. she's hving problems walking..she said that her feet hurts n all.. tsk tsk tsk.. (@ mei : now u know, if u wana b beautiful, u hv to bear with e pain) haha.. N another happy thing is, Jess n Mum actually talked! Like best friends lidat.. Wahseh..It really does feel good..

Well I'm really happy n fortunate to hv the 3 of them as a part of my family.. Love them to the max!

Har! Another thing.. Finally I managed to clean my room..aiyah I dint take e photo of before n after.. =( if not will show u guys how does e big difference looks like.. bt rite now, my room its very spacious n comfy! This sunday, mum said to clean Jess's room..OMG OMG OMG! Her room lagi worse.. sigh sighs sighsss... haha.. will show u e before n after pics..

Well on e Sunday itself, Aunt Millie n Uncle Melvin stop by our house.. Talk abt Dad n all.. sighs tragic.. u dun even wana know abt e details..

Lately.. Dunno y..I've been losing my memory juz like a snap of finger.. *Snap* I forgot edi.. n thus, I even can forget today is wat day.. thus the date as well.. n my vision is getting worse by e day.. especially the right eye.. e vision is getting blurer.. I hope everything's alright with my health..

So this weekend..might b goin out with Sophia n Silvie!! This Saturday la.. haha... Girls juz wanna hv fun! Haha..

8th July 2010 - Thursday @ 2109hours

So..Im currently at home.. got nothing to do..so though of blogging..haha..

I've juz read a friend's blog.. super damn funny.. bt for sure they do hv their ups n downs.. So I've juz finished reading it..

Hmm! I've received a super duper great news from Alicia jie..saying that Gege's adopted cat,Mao Mao is getting better aft the tragic accident that Mao Mao got into.. =) Now Mao Mao can walk, pee and poo by herself.. So happy for her! Keep it up Mao Mao! Jia You! Its truly a miracle..

Last week, I went out with my movie buddy Franklin..hehe..Actually we wanted to watch Karate Kid..Bt in e end we've decide to watch "The Backup Plan" by J.Lo instead.. Had e laugh of my day after all.. N I'm still smiling after that.. well Franklin really makes me laugh my heart out most of e time... Haha..

Well, Frankie he's really a great friend.. He's there for me when i need him.. No matter my ups n downs..my whines n complaints.. He's owaz there for me..

Juz like e other day, when I wanted to attend the interview for SIA's Cabin Crew, that is held in Evergreen Laurel Hotel (Penang Island).. He specially came after his night shift job n fetch me for e interview.. I really thanked him for that.. He actually accompanied me there n waited for me outside.. Thus he smsed me when I'm in e waiting hall..Advising me.. Bt in e end I failed at e 1st round of e interview.. T.T I went n look for him, when we left e building,he consoled me n tell me to go for more interviews.. n thus treat me to a hearty breakfast.. =D (Frank! Thank you so much!! I will remember this till e end of my days! Will give u a treat if I got the job!)

So I got my iPhone edi..n that was during May..haha Thanks Mum! Thank you for letting me use ur credit card to get myself a phone..Thus letting me use it for my iTunes account! Love u to the max! As promised..everything Im goin to download are free!! XD

I'm living in e life that everybody loves me alot.. =)

21st June 2010 - Wednesday @1010hours

Wow! Its been a long time since i've blog.. haha XD...hv been smiling lately.. =D

Well these few weeks it has been raining here n there.. n i wonder y la doesnt it rain ystday?? It would b v nice if it rain ystday, cause its really nice to sleep when the rain comes rite? Bt sadly it dint rain ystday.. it would b v nice to sleep if it rains..don't u agree??

Anyway, last week got to spend e time with cousins..esp the ones from Kemaman.. when they're back here in Penang for a vaca..its like Hallelujah! Its Chinese New Year.! Haha..XD I love it when we gathered together n hv fun together..well we've enjoyed our times together.. well u can enjoy e pics in my fb account though.. lazy to post it up here..hehe *blushing* Im treasuring every minutes n seconds when we're together.. =)

As for Sunday (yesterday), actually plan to go to Queensbay using mum's car.. bt then somebody took it la..n that "somebody" I meant is him la..Talking abt him.. He took mum's car when mum's in JB for meeting.. He even drove all e F**ing way to Cameron Highland.. Mei told me abt it..coz he bought strawberries back..n use e car till ystday night..dunno where he went bt when he got e car..he drove it n most of e nights he's not home...

Thus b4 mum went to JB..I was e one who suppose to fetch mum to airport..bt then out of a sudden he went hay wired...scold mum that like she never teach us..thus dunno how mum teaches us.. this n that all B**S***...aft that he insisted to drive mum to e airport..Mum told me this when she touched down in JB.. She told me that he said that he wanted to tell mum something..bt he'll tell mum when she's back in PG.. Mum told me that if he says something ridiculous.. then mum will tell him that " U juz tell me how much u wan now..no matter how m i goin to borrow..I will come up with e sum for u.. I juz wan u to leave this family" Bt in e end.. he dint utter a word when mum's home ystday.. haha..

N back to Queensbay story..went thr wit jess aft b'fast with together with mei n her bb.. we've seperated from mei is bcoz that mei has to finish her project yesterday.. pity her..cant come with us.. n i hope that she's goin with us bt she said she cant..sighs.. oh well, so me n jess went to Queensbay..we went shopping for graphics tees..thus did manicure neh.. hehe for once in my life i did manicure..*blushing* bt hope that im goin for more la.. its quite cheap oso.. bt next time i go i wont want to do e French manicure.. coz when they paint e white on e nails..it looks fake on my fingers.. so..>.<>

Well aft e manicure, while we were walking, I notice this china man about 40++ n a girl abt 20++ sitting on a rest bench la..(in Queensbay e bench are everywhere) thus e girl quite pretty oso.. The china man was holding this girl's hands so tightly..E girl struggles a bit at 1st bt the china man die die dun wan to let go.. n I saw e girl's face,her face was like gone black black la..bt in e mean time in pain too.. sighs..pity that girl.. Nothing can b done..

SO today was a rainy day...Rain whole Day some more.. This morning, sueh sueh I hv to ride bike to work.. so I wore black shirt n wore short pants..rode all e way to work n guess wat I'm drench..

N e worse thing is, I dint bring any dry clothes to change.. so yea, I wore e wet shirt whole day.. so today a bit steam edi..Fever's coming.. I'm gg to sleep edi.. Good Nite everybody! peace out! ^_-v

04th June 2010 - Thursday @ 2121hours

Lately everything's good.. bt at times yea la..sure la got ups n downs..

OH well.. these few weeks I've been travelling up n down from the island..Cause I'm visiting a new type of chinese physician.. mummy said that my thyroid gland is swollen again after for so long. Bt I think that I'm ok d.. juz that I'm abit steam today.. mayb its becoz of running to e toilet a few times la.. hehe.. dunno what e heck did I ate made me to run to e toilet a few times today.. =(

Today I'm so depressed.. dunno y bt e sadness feeling is thr.. mayb I'm way too stressed out n work's way to pressuring for me to handle.. sometimes colleagues do bully me... I'm not so sure y..or where/when/what e heck did I offend them..When my aunt (Lady Boss)/ uncle (Boss) are not around..that's when all the problems will start.. Customers complaints (thru phone calls)..Drivers' problems n u name it..

So e two aunties (a.k.a. my colleagues) will like as in they're used to it.. "Jackie!! Phone!!!" one auntie will say.. "Jackie!!! call back e driver!! URGENT!!) " the other one would say.. n e most irritating is "Jackie!!! Urgent!! The customer wans e ANSWER NOW!! Come n answer the phone!" n I was like on e other line.. n sometimes they'll put me into a situation that I'll get in trouble with..ARGHH!! I'm not sure when I'll explode with all these..

Thus my family situation isn't that joyful.. so when Family situation + Work's situation = Death.. I juz wish that I'm dead.. N everything's solve..

Anyway, after ge's situation... Lately I think that he got better.. Thank you God!! ^^ bt I'm not really sure that he is.. coz everytime I asked him abt how's he..He'll tell me that he's ok.. Aft Alicia jie told me that ge's attitude got better.. ge's not chatting with me like he did before..During when Alicia jie told me that ge's attitude change as in turn cold towards her.. At that time..ge has been talking to me..abt his health situation.. N everything that he does.. it makes me to feel close to him.. Like how we are b4 when I'm young.. ^^ was happy then.. bt rite now.. sighs.. T.T

Sometimes.. I dunno what did I do wrong.. like as if i offended ge.. Coz he's like ermm.. when i asked him how's he.. he'll reply v short.. I dunno what did i do wrong.. He wans me to grow up.. He told me b4 aft when I get 21.. He'll let me b on my own.. as in to be independent.. Bt y? Yes i know that I have to be independent.. bt y cant we chat as in we're like friends? Like we used to b4? sighs.. i dunno..

Rite now.. i really hope that my current situation would turn 180 degrees upside down.. I really hope that everything turns out rite.. N my relationships with my friends n family would never change.. as I hope that we're close as we can be..

God please help me.. help me to change things around my life.. I really need u to teach and show me the rite way to go n the rite things to do..Please help T.T Amen..

13th May 2010 Wednesday @ 2123 hours

Today work has been moody at the start..colleagues sighs are making me frustrated becoz i juz forgot abt informing that there's a D/O to be taken from the hypermarket. it just that, she sighs n complaining abt my mood n all..saying it so loud..i think she intended to let my aunt hear abt my mood.. bt lucky my aunt didnt care abt her.. coz my aunt knows that my colleagues is one of a kind when she speaks or talk to someone..when she talks..she's like i dunno..sometimes makes ppl feel mad at her..

anyhow..these days have been worrying abt ge's condition..he's been coughin.thus coughing out blood.. he has been taking a new batch of medication to neutralize the chemical that he'd taken 2 years ago that affected his body defensive system..

i got to know this since last Sunday, when he smsed me, asking me whether i'd remember what i've promised him if should one day he's gone.. so im totally worried abt his health condition..sighs..he juz cant stop making me worried abt him..

Anyhow..today i've told Alicia jie abt his condition..she told me that ge has been moody these days..when she n susan ask him what did e doctor said..he told them its pretty good.. sometimes when they tried to talk to him to create a conversation, he only replied them "yea ok,yes, no, maybe.." so Alicia's quite mad at him for acting like this..to me, mayb ge don't wan them to worry abt him, he tried to keep this to himself..bt in e end..i "korek" (dig) everything up from him..=)

Mei n me, have been praying for ge's health..for it to be better n for him to live longer..n i know that God will do something special unto him for us..I really hope that our prayers will be heard..

Coz i really love n cherish ge as my brother..coz i dun hv a brother..

N wat's special abt ge is..he cares for us like nobody does, he loves n dotes on us like nobody does.. he gives us everything that we wanted.. n there's more abt him that is unforgettable.. whenever i think of him these days, n when he owaz says that one day he'll leave us..i cried..

I really hope for the best for him n i will keep praying for him..

Dear God, You are the Highest above all.. You are the Incredible n Miracle Healer of All.. Please cure my brother's condition.. Whatever that is in his body that have been making him weak..cure him.. Dear God, I beg for your mercy n grace..Forgive him for the sins he's done..and May the Blood of Your Son,Jesus Christ protect him from all harm and anxiety..No matter what are the consequences may be for me..im willing to take it .because he deserve to live longer..Dear God Most Gracious, cure him n make him feel better like never before.. Thank you very much..I make this prayer through Christ our Lord..Amen.

11th May 2010 - Tuesday @ 2103hours

Days has passed n now its time for blogging..tee hee ^^

well incredible thing happen, what i've wanted came true.. ge talk to jess ald, mum talk to jess ald..Woohoo! so happy..

Sunday aft mass, we went over to granny's..so went to pick grandma up n 2nd grand aunty (who just lives next door), aft that we went to 3rd grand aunty's home..to visit her.. when we were at 2nd grand aunt' home picking her up..jess speech was so rude to grandma..no ned to fight about a door with grandma rite?? sighs..dissapointed in her..

so after visiting here n thr, we got home..so we were getting ready to go out shopping..the 3 of us,, since it has been a long time since we've went out together.. when we were ready i told jess "Lets Go! but hv to wait for mei's friend to arrvie 1st" jess said "ok, but we are taking mum's car, dunno whether my car got petrol o not" .. after this, an arguement started..dad heard her saying that she doubt her car got petrol n all..all e foul words came out from his mouth n all. i tolerate.. n i told myself, if he says another word again, i would tell him " IF u don't like it, then move out! we don't need u" bt then mei's friend came..so he stopped e arguement n went out slamming the chair..

when we were out, im worried abt mum...abt goin half way to the mall..we turn back..

i don't know what is he mumuring abt all e time with his mouth..im not sure whether its good or bad..for all i know is that i don't like it at all..

01st May 2010 - Saturday @ 2100 hours

Date : 28th April 2010 - Thursday

Time Started : 8pm

- Today, Esther sms-ed me ask me whether im free to go out @nite or not..n i said yea..she said she wans2 go out as in to meet up n all as she's on sem break but goin back on e next day,friday..sighs she's owaz last minute de..haha =). Anyway, i had a hard time to get the car to go out but in e end i did.. Esther sms-ed me if we can meet Edmond in SCIC, around 10pm coz she said he's got something to do in church..so i said sure

I met them around 10.30pm there..we've chatted for a few mins,then we went to Cita Rasa (I think its spell this way) in Sbrg Jaya. so we've chatted until we've chatted to a topic where Eddy chose his gf. He said that he like two girls then one, he kept mum at 1st, 2nd Su Ling (his current gf)..so he said that he was confused wit e 1st girl that he liked. Doesnt know whether she wans them to b a couple or not..in e end he realized that Su Ling was the one..

Then me n Esther went n kepoh n ask him who's that 1st girl he liked.. Then he said that me n Esther knew her very well..n she's chinese too.. so i asked him who.. he ask do u really wan2 know..i said yea y not..then e answer came.. he said " Its You La!" I was stunned then..coz i dint know anything abt this..though b4 we've smsed like buddys n all..aft he had his gf, then yea we stopped messaging each other.and e next thing is, he said im owaz single n all, whenever he asks me "got bf ald not?" n i answered no. He hurt me by saying, i owaz "sell high" n he asked me how much did i wan?

Aft hearing it.. i pretend that nothing happen n get on to e next topic.. in my heart, i felt embarassed n guilty that when he said that he liked me b4 n all.. i dint wan him to feel that n all..but i was hurt when he told me off like that..sighs..anyhow i do hv the urge to leave..but in e end, we've got on chatted n all, then a few of their friends came..n i was left alone sitting thr like a wood..it was like 2am then..we left the place around 2.30am.. Said my goodbyes to Esther n aft Edmond lead me e way to the highway home..i speed off... i was so upset then.. i drove pretty fast then..lucky no cars around..so i've reach home around 3am..wanted to sleep bt cant.. was thinking of e situation happen thr..but in e end i slept off aft a while..

Date : Today

Time : 9 am

- Hmm... woke up at 7.30am today, sms-ed Silvie n Piey Piey around 8am to confirm whether they r awake or not..so confirm when they r awake,i prepared myself n got out to fetch them.. My nose is still blocked then..so went to 7-11 to get myself a 100 plus.. then went to fetch Piey Piey 1st..then aft Piey,Silvie.. so the 3 of us went over to e island for a Dim-Sum for b'fast.. then later we went to Gurney Plaza which now called Cor-- something something..forgot d.. hehe..so @ Gurney we walked to look for Piey's shoes..but in e end found 1 but no size haha.. so aft walking for like an hour or two..

We went to Queensbay Mall to shop again..haha..but the shop that we are heading to, are under renovation, so sighs..she cant buy her shoes d..haha... then we went to Dragon something something to hv "Xiao Long Bao"!! ^^..n WOW the queue was long..the current number called then was 53 n guess wat is our number is..78!! O_o but then it was fast..we've waited for like 30 mins or so..we was so anxious while waiting for our no. to b called..when it was 77..but e person holding e no. dint appear, so we were waiting for the guy to call our numbers..Piey was wondering why lar it took so long for him to call our no. haha when the guy called Piey was so excited,she told e guy, we were waiting for him to call our no. for a long time edi..we all laugh n went in..

Aft walking for so long,my feet starts to hurt..i've got a blister under my toe.. =( it hurts when i walk..lucky, we've got to rest while waiting for our no. n while we were in e restaurant..e Xiao Long Bao was superb i shall say.. aft that Piey got a call from her sis saying that she wans Piey to help her buy some snacks n all.. we were in a rush then, coz piey has to b home around 3.30pm but it was 3pm edi..so Piey went in while we wait for her..we've waited like 20 mins..then we saw Piey..she was complaining abt e counter, e service person dunno how to scan n all..sighs..so we went on rushin to the car park, but out of a sudden Piey said she wans to go n take a look in "Nicole" to look for a shoe, she said if she dint buy a thing for herself she'll die.. so me n Silvie laugh n went with her. So she picked her shoe, but the colour she picked at 1st got her size, but she wanted to pick either black or white..n guess wat..no stock avail for her. Got no choice, she has to choose e colour that she picked 1st.. haha

So at end of e day i managed to get her home around 4.30pm..hehe 1 hour later than expected..

Anyway we had fun rite..bt ouch! my toe-ey hurts.. i've got a blister on my toe-ey.. =(

28th April 2010 - Wednesday @ 2225hrs

sighss...on "sick leave" these days..can't really write cuz im having a flu..sneezing n hving running nose all e time..

its all started on monday, headache n drowsiness.. i was working then, i tahan sampai tak boleh tahan edi, then i ask for a half-day's leave..well its my first time taking an MC during office hours..when i was leaving the office i told my boss that im goin home, he said one word "HUH!!"

the worst thing is, i hv to ride e bike back home..b4 e journey back home,i prayed so that i can reach home safely with e drowsiness goin on.. so went home,changed n straight to bed.. slept from 5-7.30pm..then woke up,has dinner n 10pm continue my sleep again..guess i need more rest..

then ystday i slept around 8pm?? i think so..until this morning..haha..anyhow no matter how early i slept,when im at work or riding bike to work..im still sleepy though..guess i need much more rest than wat i've expected..goin to b a pig soon haha..

anyway work hasnt been stressful these days..received a sms from my friend, she asks me out for a shopping spree..bt then come to think of it..im broke..haha..anyhow juz to hang out wif friends its a thing to relax..hmm..wanted to buy DVDs but then dunno where..

e last time im in jb..ge said that he'll bring me to his friend's DVD's shop..but then dint bring,him n i ended up sleeping e whole day thru (sort of) hahaha..^^rite now there are a few movies that i havent watched,guess buying DVDs are worth it ei? haha

anyhow..im tired..guess i need more rest again?? haha nites every1!

21st April 2010 - Wednesday @ 2218hrs

hmmm..dunno wat to say..bt its so sad..

though haven been talking to ge, though its has been a long time..bt he seems so cold these days..mayb he's bz ba..

i wanted to pour out my feelings to him, bt i dun think that i could do that coz mayb he's bz n i dun wan to increase his loads..so mayb keeping all these to myself will b alright rather than sharing it..

sighs..realli miss him dearly..not forgetting alicia jie too ^^..

anyhow, same thing goes to her,,.her work has been piling up since...i dunno when but i know she has been working till late night,sometimes work from home..there's a lot of things for her to handle in her current company.. so same thing goes to her..i couldn share my thoughts wit her..

recently went for an interview for digi's CSO position..they r offering me abt RM 800 for salary n RM 200 for allowance.. its quite low..bt then working in it, i could learn loads of stuff n another thing is it could help me in my interviews for airlines..bt im not sure whether i shud take up e job coz :

1. transportation problem..- i've got no car/bike to work..currently riding comopany's motorbike

2. im stil waiting for a reply from e company in jb..

3. wats holding me back - my mum n sis, st anne's volunteering work

thus, its really hard for me to look for a job,when my mum's pretty demanding,,i know she wans me to live easily but im not sure whether if i listen to her, i will get e job or not..

lately, i've been so frustrated..not sure y..mayb im juz tired..

then jess..she got herself a new job..happy for her.. she went to jb for training last week..n met up wit ge..not sure what they've talk abt,bt im really happy that they've started talking rather than not.. i know that everybody has been disappointed in jess..bt i know tt she's making e effort in turning herself into a better person..so..GAMBATEHNE da jie!!

feel like crying these days..bt its a long long journey for me to move on..im not sure wat my decision will b.. bt i realli do hope that God is leading me to e right way..

10th April 2010 - Saturday @ 2122hrs

not sure wat to say...i dunno where to start..hmm

well i dunno whether i coming up with e rite decisions on my job choice.. shud i go for e same line as in transportation or shud i try out for another line?? bt the thing is, if i choose e transportation line i would b in jb..n its a city that i wan to b livin in..bt im not sure whether or not that e company will hire me.. on the other hand, if i chose some other lines of work i b in, i would hv to stay in penang..

sighs..

lets go into another subject..hmm.. im out of words for jess le.. n there's a secret tat she told me for quite sometime ald n she doesnt wan me to tell somebody else.. bt instead of me telling some1, she told bean herself..

In additional, this week she hasnt been home for two days straight n for tat 2 days i haven seen her not even her soul..i dunno whom that i could refer to bt i've tolerate it for a long time n i've got no choice n im sufferring here, i told ge abt her..not abt the secret bt abt her missing for two days.. coz mum called me up n ask me abt da jie.. Ge advice me to tell mum..bt im not sure whether i shud, coz if i told mum jess would b in trouble n she might get kick out of the house instantly. this has not not happen this once bt this happen twice..In the end, i end up not telling mum abt her stuff, juz go with the flow if mum ask abt jess..

Somehow or rather i know where jess has been staying. now, im not sure whether she's on with e guy or wat.. no matter wat, i really do hope that she'll make e right decisions in her life.

Anyhow, jess told me juz now that she'll b in JB for her company's training abt a week starting from the 15th.. she've tried her v best to tell ge that she's goin down n all..bt ge dint reply her messages..mayb its bcoz jess realli hurt ge this time.. Im really trying to patch things up between jess wit ge n mum...bt im not sure whether im doin the rite thing bt i will try my v best to patch things up for jess, just to make it all better for her..

for she hv told bean b4 that she cant feel the love at home..to me jess is totally missing out the time with me,mum n mei..me,mum n mei mostly hang out/eat/sleep (in e same room)/mostly do everything together..while jess is out wit her friends/dating (e last time)..

N yes, our home has been broken up..by a person who thinks he's a "king" n he's owaz rite..

its not a home that most of e ppl wants to be in.. for me, it sometimes hurts a lot when i see some children's/ my friend's dad who dotes on e family a lot..n sometimes i do cry alone thinking y m i hving this kind of family..

rite now, i really do hope that ge n mum would really forgive jess though she disappoints them real big this time..n i really hope for the best for her n i really hope that she can find the love that she owaz wanted wit us..

n yea im a person who worries abt others 1st than abt her own self..

its has owaz been hard to write my blog..no matter when im in office or @ home..its has owaz been hard to write...

i really miss gege now.. hope to b in his arms all day long..i dun wan2 come back to Penang..rite now..JB is wat i call home..n every time i leave jb, i owaz end up crying..

im so pressured..home,sis,work... bt anyhow i hv to b strong for myself..

its hard for me to make it all better for da jie..n alicia jie n ge told me not to bother abt her anymore..coz she's old enuf to take care of herself..this evening..she ask me, wat do i think of her..i told her that she should wake up n realise wat is she doin to herself,she's e only one who knows wat's she doin to herself n she's old enuf to know wat's right n wat's wrong..she keep asking me whr,how,wat could she do to change herself? whr is her mistake?

the thing is i dunno how to say it to her.

bt im realli realli pressured to b in this home with all these problems keep coming up..im almost bankrupt now.. there's a sum of money that im saving up..n i've told myself i cant touch the sum of money..bt in e end, i ended up touching it...coz im hurt to see mum to give out her money for da jie's b'day party..that's y i took out e $$ to help mum pay..rite now..im almost broke..

jess told me that she'll pay me back..bt how? when? rite now i realli dun care..bt its realli sad n disappointing..to say the truth, i did cried for her..twice..once on my b'day n another time when bean told me abt him n her... i cried becoz of jess..

these days she has been wearing back her spectacles, she told me e reason y..she said she wans2 find her old self back.n i've realised she's been listening to songs that we've listen when we were young, bt i cant see whether she's making any effort in doin it..

ge said..e next times jess falls..he wouldnt b thr to pick her up again..ge is realli mad at her this time..i knw y.. coz most of e time, wat she told ge n me..most of it are all lies..rite now i dunno wat she says its e truth o not..bt still she's my sis..i cant put my hands aside..n not help her in her journey..

n im realli suffering to keep all these secrets that both bean n jess tells me...help?

Disppointments

i talk to ge n ask ge questions.. on why da jie like to lie.. its owaz lies after lies..ge said she has became in to a person where nobody knows who she is now..n then ge dun wan2 care much abt her d..

she said she got nothing to do with e 495 guy..they r juz best friends..bt then e other day i saw her phone's wall paper its a pic of her n e guy..so wat can i say abt that?like as if she got nothing to do with e guy..

yes i know that she's a person who needs attention..bt doesnt she feels that she's owaz so selfish owaz thinking abt her own good? wat abt others? dont others need attentions too? e other day b4 i fly down to jb she bought a neck tie for bean..coz he's goin for a new job starting on monday..i dunno wat's she tinking.. she wans bean o e 495 guy? she told bean b4 that wat e 495 guy can give her n wat bean couldnt give her..isnt it cruel? so rite now she wans to go back to bean n get along with e 495 guy? like e last time? hmm i dun think so...

what's sad is..bro bean is improving himself..thus working on 2 jobs..for wat? its not for himself..its for da jie..he wans da jie to live comfortably with him when they get married... rite now, aft e break up..he's still striving for it..wans to let da jie to b with him again.. bt if she keeps seeing this 495 guy.i dun think its possible for her to get back to bro bean's side.. im so disappointed in her..i cant do much..all i can do is to make it normal for her..n i dun really wan to care much abt her..bt then..in e end she's still my sis..hv to do the part of my job..

ARGGHH!!! its so confusing n torturing to ME!!