damn ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im so angry!!!! today i went to do passport at the imigration...
then my birth cert no. got problem...coz there a guy/girl out there got the same birth cert number as same as mine...i told my mum about it...n i told my aunt tt im gonna b off today...

so my mum went n told my aunt about the problem....

then the imigration ask me to go @ 3pm...to get my passport...
about 12pm..my colleague used my aunt's hp to call me up..
then i told her im in my cousin's house for a rest..
n then my colleague pass the hp to my aunt..
my aunt ask me where am i.n i told her the same thing...
as for the passport is coming out @ 3pm..she asks y dun wan to go to office 1st?

i was thinking of how to say it to her...
n then again she pass me back to my colleague..
when i was talking to my colleague, my aunt eventually told som1 in the background 'that doing a passport oso wan to off...' im so damn mad!!!!!!!!! totali!!! its like i've got no rights to take a day off....!!!! sigh... i dunno wat to do right nw...quit or make my face a bit thicker n go to work tomorrow...?? sigh......!!!!!!

29th July 2008 @ 2302hrs

ARGHH!!!!

jus letting out my anger at work today...
i knw tt im in the wrong bt still...
its juz too much work for me to do..

dealing with all the Delivery orders,the bills cant b done in juz morning!!
i need to do it the whole day...
does anybody knw tt??!!!
n i have to update for the LG company tt im doin...
PODs,BILLs...its a lot!!damn lot!
im trying to do as fast as i could to update for that STUPID GUY ho works in the operation dept!!!
IDIOT!! ARGHHH!! by juz thinking about it i cud get relli mad now...
i knw ppl do things fast..
bt i wan to do it my own way...
n i wan to do it on my own...
so that no ppl can look down on me....

so like today i haven been updating the PODs for a week...
n im trying to update for them...relli...
bt by doin the D/Os onli it took me a day...
for lorry drivers came in different time....
i juz hope that tt STUPID GUY come down n try to b in my situation n see...
its sure to b the same thing happen...

today the STUPID GUY call asking for PODs...
well yea im goin to update for him eversince i've done my 1st session job...
then my aunt came n kacau...
i knw she's mad tt i dint update for the 'BIG' company..
im trying to do it...
she came n said 'U GO N DO UR D/OS IM NOW IN CHARGE OF THESE PODs'
i was like..WAD!!!!! u told me to do this n now u're telling me to do another thing??!!!
i knw wat my aunt was expecting..
bt u cant expect me to b somebody elses like her ex-staff....
who is pretty dilligent at her work..do things faster..willing to bring it home..n alll...
i cant b like her..
coz im me...i cant change who i m.i knw tt i work slow..bt im trying to change..im relli trying...
n she's expecting me to b like her...its ridiculous...!!!

on another topic....
st anne's feast day r over....reli sad..that we hv to wait for another year till it comes again...
on the 26th which is the procession day...i met my friends..franklin,edmond(s),thomas n a few more...
relli miss talking wit them a lot...i hope to see them soon...hmmm i wonder when.....

21st July 2008 @ 2241hrs

hmm...st anne's feats day has started..n im helping out during weekends...this year aint gonna b the same as b4..as this year i join my sisters in to help out..if not my mum will think tt im gonna mix with the guys in st anne's...

well yea...st anne's church gave me bad memories..bt there's good ones too...
as for now..i felt tt my friends are avoiding me than being wit me...
im looking 4 sum1 to tok to..bt still nobody is thr when i relli need them...
hmm...seems to b lonely this year...

the guy n his mother whom i dislike...they're still there helping out during st anne's...bt evry1 is saying tt the guy is leaving 4 outstation like during june...its seems like he's lying...goin around saying tt he's goin outstation 4 his studies... i think not! he's juz fooling around to make him look better in church...

this month seems to b a bad luck month...
the company tt i work for..got break in twice n its not long ago...
hmm..i wonder n im angry why la did they take the goods tt im handling??!!! although im not the 1 who arrange the lorries bt still im the one who's doin the billing!!! how am i goin to say to the 'upstairs'?? headache headache...y not sum other brands? y mine... sighs.......

work has been hard for me...im handling all the D/Os...those are important things if i lost 1 of the D/os im gonna lost one of my cost....by then sure kena scoldings from auntie n uncle...whom are the boss of mine....everyday i have to open D/os,mark D/Os,write wat goods are from KL,type listings, filing those D/Os...n i cant keep updating my electronics PODs,billings n all...coz all these D/Os are the 1st ones tt i hv to do finish b4 i cud do sumthing elses...bt still opening the D/Os are coming in...pretty fast...as im working in a transportation company...
as my auntie said tt i handle all the D/Os stuff bt i wonder y m i still handling the billings?
like as if they cant do it ..as we have a billing person...
i juz hope tt i can do things much faster than wat im doin now...
any tips?

14th July 2008 @ 2300hrs

hmm...dunno wat to say..bt felt like writing out of a sudden...

hmm..ever since i started working...i've got no time to spend wif my friends n all..coz i know tt some of them are bz with work...studies...
long aft u knw it..ur relationship wit tt friend is dull...plain..got nothing to share wit him/her...dunno wat to say nor chat...

today's work is hectic bcoz last sat is a public holiday 4 penang state...i tot tt thr's a replacement on Monday...n then i say to myself wat m i thinking its work not school...haha..

as 4 friend...ystday i went out 4 b'fast wit da jie n then i saw my friend's car whom he said tt his car cant b start aft he hasnt been driving 4 a long time...
i ask him how's his car? he said its still the same...cant b used...4 nw i dunno y he lied..bt i think tt he got gf or sumthing la..tt's y he's like avoiding to go out wif me to chat like we use to...

nowadays...its hard to find a friend that is trustable..honest n all u need for a friend..
its relli hard...i wanted to talk to sum1..bt still cant find any1...sms..phone calls...i dun even knw y m i holding a hp for?nobody looks for me... or calls me on my hp at times...

u knw...its relli hard for me to find friends nowadays...coz working all day long..
cant make new friends..or meet them...im like an indoor girl ald...not an outgoin one like b4..
how i hope tt i can go back to jb or even find a friend whom i can chat n tell stuff wit..

boring day....12th July 2008 @ 1436hrs

hmmm...its goin to b a boring day for me...although i still hv to run sum errands for my mum bt still bored...

u're thinking home alone is fun bt still if u dun hv any friends to accompany u..its bored...
see the bad side of staying single...no teman....

parents are in hatyai..lil sis is in camp...sis went out wif her bf..me? home alone...watching tv,surfing the net...
now i find internet boring cz thr's nothing to do...no fun internet...hahax....
today is a hoiday 4 penang state so...malls are goin to b cramp...pack up wit ppls....
now...im damn hungry..n i still cant find any1 to accompany me for lunch n chat...

oh...how i wish tt i cud get out....

The days i've spend - 05th April 2008 @ 0020hours

Hmm..it has been a long time ever since i write a blog...

i hv been bz lately wif work n life...

last month ,June... me n my fly hv gone down to genting highlands...
wow its my 1st trip thr...i was so excited at 1st....
bt when i reach thr..i find tt there's nothing to do..
coz its raining on the 2nd day...sob sob cant go out to the theme park n play..no fun...
all i could do is watch my sisters play arcade games....for i dun play much arcade..i only puzzle n brain training games that i like...later tt i found out...i find nothing fun in genting except for the theme park tt i dint go to..im hoping tt i cud b thr again to hv fun in the oudoor theme park..haha....

working has been hectic for me..customers,drivers,colleagues...and most of all my relatives...
i've finally realise that how working life is...n how hard to earn a dollar...
now the economy is getting higher bt not in progress of upgrading..
take a look at the petrol for instance is getting higher by the day...its twice the price tt we usuali hv to put in...sigh....when will this come to an end..hmmmmm...i wonder...

my faith in God is getting poorer by the day...coz i haven been praying hard to Him Everyday...
nope..i have to say im lazy..ppl say tt my prayers are strong..bt i dun think that my prayers are strong enough...ever since i dun pray everyday...i dunno how to pray to God..

St Anne's feast day is coming...n i can help out during then...coz my mum let me to...hahahaha!! damn happy...bt still my sisters are coming along..no fun no fun...haha...yea i love to get back in the activities in church (st anne;s) bt still its difficult for me to work for sum1 tt i dun like...
the nightmares on wat happen in st anne's is unforgettable...i still cant get rid of it...i hope one day that these nightmares will dissapear..

all my problems have been kept in my poor heart for a long time..hmmm...i think i 've forgotten most of the problems tt i had in my days....

for now...i do hope tt i could find a course tt suits me n wat i like...im troubled for this...i dunno wat to go for...i hope tt there's an offer for me which includes scholarships n good teachers...haha..i knw its difficult for me to find one..bt hey! there's a way of solution to every problem...all u hv to do is think carefully...

20 May 2008 @2047 hours

hmmm it has been a long time ever since i wrote a blog nor update this blog...

evrything has been hectice for me..
working life aint tt nice anymore...
was thinking of changing a new job, a new experience bt then...
sigh no can do...if ppl who knows me knows the reason y...

now im writing this for someone i love very much...

i juz wanna lert him know to get ready for tomorrow's challenge as i will know tt God will guide him through all the obstacles...

i will b praying for him the whole day through...i hope that he'll try his best to get through this challenge...i will b with him the whole day through too...as i will try my best to get a little time out of my busy job to call him....n check out hows everything goin ..

tis person tt im saying is whom i relli love..
he's a guy who cares for me very much, he's the one who hv been by my side when i need him..
he's much likely better off than any guys i knw..
he's a caring person,
he's kind,
he's everything to me...
nobody can replace him,his place in my heart...

so i hope tt person reads my blog..
i wan him to know tt i will b thr for him..
all the time...
JIA YOU!!!!!

25th Apr 2008 @1958hrs

sigh....been bz with work nowadays...dun even hv time to update my blog.....

parents are not around...went for holiday in china...damn syok coz they're not around...can drive to work summore...wuhuu~~!!

thr's a guy in the house tt is da jie's friend who came for a visit...who is actuali her ex now...
sigh,..i pity tt guy..bt still i find him annoying...
he keeps doing sumthing tt as if he's still my sis bf...sigh.....
i feel like telling him off..bt dun dare still...he's kinda a big guy bt inside he's a momma's boy....
i knw i cant say him like tt bt still this is blog...
i knw its not good...bt i hv to find a place to put out my feeling abt this guy so that i wont do sumthing stupid to him like tellin him off for instance...

a guy like him shud find sum1 who's better off than my da jie....i knw my da jie..whats she decides she wont change her mind..no matter how u convince her or persuade her...(except for shopping la)
walao...fell like telling him to get outta here n go back to whr u came frm...
to me if a guy like him...i would b more cruel n tell him off...i dun tt guy...
wish tt he's goin tomorrow....

13th April 2008 @ 2204hrs

sigh...its goin to b a tirng dsay starting 2mrw....
my colleague has resign...
n i hv to stay in m aunt's office to work wit aunties...
the newcomer aunty isnt helping me a bit...
i hope 2mrw time's will go fast...
n in a long time...
i will b an auntie too...

i hope that my days are goin on happily...
bt still pressure in work n my plans...
my plans arent goin well for me...
all things do hv disadvantages...
for me thr's a lot...
i hope my work can end early n fast..
or even i can find a new job..
work hard for my goals..
n not to work wit my aunt who scolds n mock at me everyday
even when i dint do anything wrong...
i hate her...i hope i will find a new job..a job tt i like n i will excel in it...


nowadays haven been sleeping well
bcoz i was thinking whether or not shud i go down to visit my beloved brother...
coz he said he's goin to b bz when im goin thr...
im hoping that he's not avoiding from me...
coz avoiding isnt the solution to all problems...

i juz hope tt i can go down to support him..
give him encouragement
n treat him juz like i treat him b4..
give him a happy memory...

everynite i pray hard...
for him to b healthy...for a cure frm God..
n i hope tt God will help me n him ...

i belif tt everything's goin to b ok..
i love my brother very much...
n i knw tt evrybody too..
coz he's a great guy...totali! seriously!
no other guy can take over his place...in my heart...

God please help me out here!!!!

got a bad news -31st March 2008 @ 1608hrs

i recieve a bad news frm sum1 whom i relli loved...
he said he's hving a failure heart problem..
i m juz hoping the problem wont relapse..
coz im goin to lose him if the problem relapse..

i m relli desperated,
not knwing wat to do tt can save his life...
im relli sad felt like i wanna cry out loud bt i cant...
coz evry1 will ask me 'y? wat happen?'

i juz wanna say...BK..i love u very much,
i knw tt u'll b alright..coz God is here..
he'll make evrything impossible to b possible...
juz need to belif in him...trust him n pray to him...
n i will owaz b here wit u if u need me...

confused - 27th March 2008 @ 1800hrs

im so confused...whether shud i study or shud i work...its a tough decision to make n to think abt...

i hv to think abt my family, if i go for my studies n depend on them

i dun think its a good thing...



if i work,although i cud save up a sum of money i needed,

bt i will get a sponsorship if i work through the year...

now i dunno wat cna i decide on...
can sum1 help me?

wat can i do? 24 March 2008 @ 1611 hrs

i haven been myself lately...
haven been sleeping days n nites...
thinking abt wat am i goin to do next..

aft i got my results,
my heart drop...
i cant go to singapore to further my studies...
instead i hv to plan other plans to do abt my life
tt God has set for me...

for now..studying is not my plan...
instead working for this year is my plan
coz i wanna save up a sum of money so that i can support myself to a college
that suits me n im comfortable wit..

i felt that evrybody is expecting my results to be good...
bt instead..it happen to b a dissapointment..
i bet my brother is dissapointed n expecting my lil sis to do better than me...
like wat he did to my elder sis...

sumtimes it bothers me that people look down on me...
church's 'people' look down on me..though everybody are my 'friends'

wat hurts me most is that my family look down on me..
for wat i did n do...though i love them alot n they love me too...
bt still i felt the feeling of dissapointment in them to me..

church's tragedy happen so fast that i got misunderstood of hving an adultery with my god-father...i dunno wat happen or wat did i do to hv this mistake happen onto me...
now im banned frm doing God's work...in church...
now i dun trust anyone frm that church except the ones who r my real friends tt i knw i cud belif in them...n they knw the truth abt my story...

all these had happen so fast..till im relli blinded by the trust i gave unto them...
i hv to say that i cant trust the friends i had in my life..
i dun even tell secrets to them abt my stuff...
i dun talk to them much...

for all that i did for them , bad stuffs happen to me from them
is wat i get in being their helper...

for now im lost of wat m i goin to do next...

im tired...so so tired...
now my beloved brother isnt talking to me...
no matter how i tried...

i wanna say...
gege wat did i do 2 make u so angry wit me?
can u tell me?

i dunno wat can i do to make everything rite...
im useless...tired...
wat can i do?

cute n adorable pup-24 March 2008 @ 1358hrs

its has been a long day for me...i hope i can go home fast after work...
my house is under renovation..thr's lotsa dust bunnies n all..
bt still its my home tt i hv to live in...

recently happen lotsa stuff that r untinkable..
for instance my mum came home early..than usual..to help us around wit the housechores...

its a happy day on friday...my dad brought home a pup..its cute n adorable...
all of us love it in the family...bt its uncontrollable when its hungry...hehe
when it see us eat dinner, it kept whining coz it wanna eat...haha
very cute..aft eating it goes to sleep in its basket...
hmm i call it 'it' coz v still hv no name for it...
i was thinking of calling 'it' Pig
coz it eat then sleep...eat then sleep...haha..bcame fat aft it came to our house..

it keeps coming into the living room n play...
bad thing is,it pee everywhr in the living room..i hv to clean up all the time when it pee....
haha...

18th March 2008 @2153hrs

today has been a tiring day after work...dunno wat can i do to get out...

my life is like repeating by itself..wake up,go to work,come home,hving dinner,then watch tv n sleep...

aft getting my SPM results..when i saw my results are like shit...i dunno wat i can do ald...nothing...b4 this i had plans..bt then..im totali blank of wat im goin to do next...
i was planning to go to singapore to further my favorite course...bt i cant...im not QUALIFIED!!!
im so dissapointed at myself....im cried when i called my mum,i cried when my teacher called me n ask abt my results,n i cried tt i fail my BK exam...i bet God is dissapointed in me...

'some' asks me to go to government schools n study form 6..bt i dun wan to...its hard!
'some' did asks me to go for teacher's college ( government ) as government teachers' salary are higher...

i hate myself sumtimes tt i dint make things rite...there's a problem tt i cant solve..bt im dissapointed at myself of y i cant b thr for my loved ones...im sorry...
for now i dun knw wat can i do or wat can i say..to help solve this...

as for my education...im damn sad...i cant go for wat i wanted..everybody keep pressuring me to go for 'this' go for 'that' in which wat i dont like to go for...

for now working wit my aunt is like working wit a stupid boss..piles of work r waiting for me go settle them...my aunt actualli look down on me..for my results r like shit...she keeps saying others like 'Wow! ur child is totali clever ! got this A, tt A" n wat she doesnt knw abt is she's hurting my feelings..
wat can i do to help myself in this kind of situation? im so hurt im so sad...tt i cant go for wat i wanted...IM DISSAPOINTED IN MYSELF FOR NOT DOING THINGS RITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!