wat can i do? 24 March 2008 @ 1611 hrs

i haven been myself lately...
haven been sleeping days n nites...
thinking abt wat am i goin to do next..

aft i got my results,
my heart drop...
i cant go to singapore to further my studies...
instead i hv to plan other plans to do abt my life
tt God has set for me...

for now..studying is not my plan...
instead working for this year is my plan
coz i wanna save up a sum of money so that i can support myself to a college
that suits me n im comfortable wit..

i felt that evrybody is expecting my results to be good...
bt instead..it happen to b a dissapointment..
i bet my brother is dissapointed n expecting my lil sis to do better than me...
like wat he did to my elder sis...

sumtimes it bothers me that people look down on me...
church's 'people' look down on me..though everybody are my 'friends'

wat hurts me most is that my family look down on me..
for wat i did n do...though i love them alot n they love me too...
bt still i felt the feeling of dissapointment in them to me..

church's tragedy happen so fast that i got misunderstood of hving an adultery with my god-father...i dunno wat happen or wat did i do to hv this mistake happen onto me...
now im banned frm doing God's work...in church...
now i dun trust anyone frm that church except the ones who r my real friends tt i knw i cud belif in them...n they knw the truth abt my story...

all these had happen so fast..till im relli blinded by the trust i gave unto them...
i hv to say that i cant trust the friends i had in my life..
i dun even tell secrets to them abt my stuff...
i dun talk to them much...

for all that i did for them , bad stuffs happen to me from them
is wat i get in being their helper...

for now im lost of wat m i goin to do next...

im tired...so so tired...
now my beloved brother isnt talking to me...
no matter how i tried...

i wanna say...
gege wat did i do 2 make u so angry wit me?
can u tell me?

i dunno wat can i do to make everything rite...
im useless...tired...
wat can i do?