28th Nov 2009 - Saturday @ 1542hrs

while everybody's is taking their own sweet time to spend the day...im here working my ass off..though its a holiday..

gege..fly my aeroplane again... he told me tt he's coming up 2 penang for hols..bt then, called him ystdy..he told me tt every hotel in Bt Feringgi is fully booked..so e aeroplane flew off juz like tt...

sighs..so sad..

aunt went to china for a vacation..left the company for me to handle..sighss..one of a hectic n bz week im hving starting on today..

sometimes im mad @ da jie coz for some unreasonable reasons.. she likes to let her lil miss behaviour to come out whenever she wans to get wat she wans..like ystday..she saw her friend got her nail done for abt RM10 due promotion..she wans to get it..so she went wif her "friend" n met me n mei there... so she said she wans to hv her nails done too..then i said go n ask the sales person thr la..then she comes wif her missy attitude askin me n mei to ask.. ARGH! totali hate her attitude infront of her "friend"..++ i even hate her for breaking her promises to herself n me..

saying tt she'll leave that guy for good..in the end, the promise has been breaking since then..

her bf is far more better than e "friend" she's hanging out now.. i dun knw wat she wan2 do..no matter wat im still angry wit her.. twice she went out wif her "friend" till 5 am..mostly 4am..

Mum's not home last week..then i plan to take e car coz friday's a holiday.. bt then.. he's driving mum's car.. so..ask mei to ask him for e car..in e end, mei said i can take e car..bt on 1 condition, muz give him $$.. i was thinking, he drove e car until no petrol d..still asking 4 $$?? how dare he!

bt hv to give..coz if not..cant take e car...i told mum abt this..bt mum dint make a sound..

So So FURIOUS!!

9th November 2009 Monday @ 1234 hrs

One sunday..forgotten when d... one bible verse came into my mind..Job14:6 -So look away from him and let him alone, till he has put in his time like a hired man. wat does it mean?

is it tellin me to leave him alone..?? i really hope it does... coz i dun wan2 bother everything or anythin tt has got to do wif him...

the other day..juz last week..he juz went off without sayin where is he goin... left for 3 days... then his sis sms mummy..sayin tt he's wif her..coz he's on a mission for himself to get to believe in God. but its by the help from his sis...

anyway...when he came back...@ 1st i tot he'll changed..bt he hadnt...he's still e same old guy..nothing is goin to change him... he's still e same..e guy to asks for $$ from us all...i was almost bankrupt last month for real... becoz..he ask from da jie for $$ bt da jie said she dun hv any $$..then he said to ask from me..sayin tt i've got $$... even mum too asks me to give him $$...

1 thing tt i dun like to do is giving him $$..

e next thing is..he mummurs all e time.. dun even know wat he's trying to say..always criticising us..saying tt we've got no manners..owaz dint give him $$ to spend... so damn frustrated wif him...

well..mum's good..bt on saturday..dunno wat's got into her..aft church..went home..nag nag nag n scold scold scold all e time wor.. sighs..juz hope tt she wont get angry when she comes home this week...

another thing is...da jie.. last few weeks..she has been goin out wif this guy til 3am...dunno wat she's been doin..bt in e end she explain it to us..sayin tt she has been goin out wif this guy..pretends to b his gf bcoz of the guy's mother..so after tt..she got herself in trouble..the guy actually likes her..n wans her to b his gf.. though he ald know tt da jie got bf d...bt da jie rejected..n stop goin out wif him since..lucky for her...

n the next thing is..she get to go down to jb for xmas this year... so sad..i cant go...sighss...*sob sob*

mei...hmmm... she's been hving her exams lately..n been studyin late night since last week... another thing is..she has been on e phone wif a guy name Calvin also known as her schoolmate...curious between both of them...dunno whther the sparks are coming out again o not..hehe..

well...Penang Bridge Marathon is comin up...running for it...then later on Star Walk..hehe..hope that i could get in to a lucky draw n get a car...*crossing fingers* hahaha

I think its coming back again...

.... these few days has been feeling weird..its as same as wat i felt b4.. the sickness tt i had b4..

a few weeks back..e doc told me tt im cured.. bt rite now... i hv to go back for a check up.. i feel its coming back again..my heart pulpitation..my breathing.. my hands are trembling again...getting realli stressed up..getting angry over lil things again...

its hyperthyroidism again...

sighs...when will it b gone..?? when will it stop? i dont want to take any medications anymore..i dun wan to go through those needles n taking lotsa dose every time..my throat is swelling up again... bit by bit..

i realli wan it to stop...i realli do...

yesterday..sms ge..bt then he juz got back from his work..so he's pretty tired..same goes to alicia jie jie...wanted to tell them abt this..bt they seem bz..dun wan to bother them...

then again..with $$ problem.. he called mum up to ask for $$ for mum is not goin to b back this week...due to she's got a meeting in hatyai... then mum called me ystday to give him 50 bucks... i told mum tt i juz gave him 10 bucks this morning..dun tell me its not enuf to spend it for the day??!! im really furious.. im not use to giving him $$, so i pass e 50 bucks to da jie today...as mum reminded me to give him $$ yesterday nite...

sighs... when will he stop asking for $$?? n go work?? its impossible tt no1s want to hire him.. at his age..there r so many vacancies around in penang...as drivers n all... nobody will look down on him when he's taking up small jobs like this... at least he's earning his own $$ rather than asking from his WIFE! yes..children giving their parents $$ is rite one way..by e thing is his attitude of not working n goin out all e time..lying all e time..its not e rite way to ask for $$.. its not e rite thing to do also...unless he's paralyse..then its rite for me to give him the support tt he needs..

im really frustrated...wat can i do??

08th October 2009 @ 1621hrs

.... speechless...work is stressing me out... plus these days been getting angry easily alot...too many phone calls = too many unreasonable customers...

plus colleagues are also one of the unreasonable ppl...

juz now msn ge...greet him n ask how's work.. he's been bz these days n all..with new sem started @ his uni... bt then..he dint ask how m i..how's work n stuff..juz replyin to my Qs...
sometimes i felt like he farther away ald.. i think he's better communicating wit jie n mei..bt not me..dunno y.. sighs... hope everything's goin on well 4 him...

01 October 2009 Thursday @ 2200hrs

hmm..one heck of a day.. though everything when well @ work..

mei went too Pulau Langkawi organized by her school.. feel so lonely rite now.. da jie went for her dating time..as usual on thurs.. as dad went out..n who the hells knw where he'd been..

so im alone @ home..with my pc to accompany me..haha

mum's home.. as in for her work actually.. n she's goin out later for supper with her colleagues.. dunnno whether she'll bring me along or not..hehe xD..technically..no

well as for my work decision..comes another chance for me to work some other places..this job is assistant in sales.. same thing..working for relatives.. bt this one is good.. my cousin brother..

he's willing to take me up.. as in to let me b expose in sales challenges n stuff..so rite now i dunno whether shud i take it or not.. coz its gonna b hard..

rite now my plan is to work...save up.. go for college n take up hotel n tourism management course..later goin for cabin crew job..(which is my dream job) so i realli hope that i will make e rite decision for my future..

these days..earthquake,tsunami are coming up...one day after another..i realli hope the end of the world arent coming..so worried.. i wan to enjoy my life, my youth..my time..reali hope tt i cn go out rite now..hanging out wif friends..*crossing fingers*bt they r hving exams now..thus haven been in touch wit them for quite some time...

reali hope tt i could get out n hv fun rite now..staying @ home everyday after work..aint fun... :(

27th Sept 09 Sunday @ 1905hrs

jus got back from my jogging... its drizzling ald..sunday was good but hot..watching hannah montana's movie rite now..

i was in granny's hse today.. i heard from my cousin tt jie went to penang this week n he saw her...holding hands with sum other guy..while she's hving one awesome bf rite now... i dunno wats jie up to..bt i hope she'll make up her mind abt everything's she's done n wat's she goin to do...
bt when i called up jie to ask her abt this..she denied it..so rite now i dunno who's telling the truth rite now...so i wont belif anybody n i wont stand on everybody's side..

hope she'll make e rite decison for her life....

24th September 2009 Thursday @ 2226hrs

today went quite well @ work.. nothing special..juz tt everything came on smoothly as possible.. :)

Well ..as confirmed by today tt our company is helding another company trip to Hatyai..Again..

Hatyai has nothing to b fond of abt except for shopping of course.. bt the thing is.. i hv to go with aunties.. so its hard to buy somthing fashionable as they want to buy those boxes of instant noodles.. like they really buy everything thr when i was thr e last time..

as so..i haven heard anything frm ge liao.. eg. like e other day he told da jie tt he's coming to penang during sept..bt then i asked him.. n i dunno wat happen..e next morning da jie called me n scolded me..ask me no to say anything else abt his trip to penang n pretend tt i dun knw abt this..

i dunno wat happen bt... oh well im over it..bt then frm wat i heard from mei b4 is tt he's planning to come up during oct.. bt dunno when..the thing is my company trip is on 17th oct (Deepavali) so im reli scared tt he's gonna b up here in penang n spending his time with jie n mei only...so i reali hope tt he tells me when he's coming up or is he coming up o nt..

haven been talking to him lately.. so he doesnt reali knw wats goin on with me.. sometimes looking for him is like reali hard..when i feel like talking to him..its hard.. tts y i told my Favourite Jie on earth.. Alicia.. xD feel reli comfortable on talking to her my current events.. bt most of e time i dun tell to any1 my feelings.. coz im not that kinda girl who tells all my feelings to a person..coz im a girl who smiles n laugh all e time juz to make ppl happy.. bt wats goin on in me..nobody knws..

well yea..sometimes i hurt myself too..physically.. i told alicia jie abt this once.. i need to something to vent my frustration/feelings on..as though i cant yell or shout @ any1..no matter how frustrated i m.. n i cant on9 most of e time to vent it out on a blog.. coz ppl will feel tired..reading the same topic again n again..haha..

oh well.starting from 2mrw..everything wil start to b busy as usual..lets juz hope it wont get worse than it is now..