Sunday - 28th June 2009 @ 1330hrs

Finally i find the time to sit down n write...its has been a hectic week for me...

n though i can cope with this...my migrain is back... i get blackout when i squat for too long...
sighs...hope tat everything's okay... now im sitting in my cousin's room..hanging out with da jie's laptop..surfing facebook..as wat is mei's doin e same thing right now.. n doin this..while mum brought her aunty's to another one of her auntie's home..

my grandmom juz had her eye surgery..due to there's a thing in her eyes that makes her eyesight to b worse each n everyday.. dunno wat they call that..n now she's wearing sunglasses..hmm..couldnt take a pic of her..coz she cannot see light jus yet..wat a pity...

i miss those days when im in jb.. i remebered tat when i got off e airplane n after taking my luggage.. i went straight n hug gege...its been a long time le...miss him pretty much..
hmm...talking bout him.. last week if im not mistaken.. i dun dare to call or sms him..he's in a bad mood at that time..dunno wat's got into him..bt he got better now..bt the thing is i can still feel that there's something wrong... something tat he's hiding deep down in his heart.. he knows how to keep everything to himself..juz like me.. express happiness to everybody..bt kept the sorows inside...while i was in jb.. i remembered e kisses he gave me..*on e cheek* i know he saw me crying on the last day..while i pretend to sleep..i dunno y i cried bt it juz came suddenly.. maybe i missed the life in jb too much..i had much fun in jb than spendin my whole life in penang..

penang's life is fun..bt to me it has been in grey world all the time..i had fun when i go out wif my best buddy..to the island..he knows where i waned to go..so he wont asks me where r we heading to.. i loved the beach..so he owaz bring me there...most of e times..bt we go out once in a blue moon..i smile when im at e beach..the lovely breeze goin through my hair n face..
for me its something tat i could vent my sorrows at.. sometimes i shout..n everybody will look at me saying * is this woman crazy??* i would smile at them while my buddy says she's had somthing on her mind.. :)

ge n jie knows wats goin on..bt they dunno how's my life been goin through tat much... i hv to cope on my own n be strong.. living under one roof wit a guy who keeps asking money from his wife..drove freely..asking money from his daugther..complain to his wife wat small stuff his daughters' did..driving his wife crazy all the time..eg: his daughters' forgot to switch off e air con n wan his wife to scold them...i dunno whn r all these goin to end...

st anne's feast day is comin... goin back to b on duty for e church.. @ ice cream stall... been a long time.. its happening starting 17th July - 26th July 2009.. hope to hv fun there..n not meet my enemies there...

tata for now..gtg home...lotsa love.. *smiles

22 June 2009 - Monday @ 1230hrs

I feel like banging my head on e wall...!!! My migraine is back... it started since yesterday...its much more painful this time... i can feel the vain twitching n pulling.. its very painful..
i think i got fever d... headache n migraine.. i cannot stand it anymore.. bt still i hv to work...cannot take anymore leave le...if i take i cannot go on holiday during dec le...

yesterday i sms gege... after mass..he replied very short.. bt still i think he's ok le ba...
still im very scared to contact him...very scared... bt i did pray n hope that everything's gonna b ok...

im so tired... so sleepy.. i cannot take anything tat contains caffeine...coffee,tea,cocoa... n office got no milk... juz plain water..hmm... no appetite to eat le...very tired...

20th June 2009 - Saturday @ 1539hrs

feeling kinda blue today....bt had a hectic morning...new "Big" customers r coming in... lotsa stuff to follow up..

ever since ystday..gege hasnt been talking to me..this morning i said hi to him on msn..bt there's no reply... then he go off9 ald... so i msn wit alicia jie...she said she got call n sms wif him..juz normal chit chatting...n now i dunno y is he mad at me... or is he really mad at me?? i hope everything's gonna b ok... coz now im really scared to call or sms him... this is the 1st time tat im afraid of him...

e other day i called him juz to tell him tat my office has big projects comin in...then company is hiring another clerk..so its the clerk tat worked here b4..boss said he's goin to hire her back here.. coz she's familiar wif all these stuff tat im working on... so as it is to help out... i dun like tat girl..coz for me... she's like a two headed snake *no offence* bt she realli is... coz in front of my aunt she'll act like one hardworking clerk.. in front of others she'll b another person...
sighs...i really hope tat she wont b heading back into this company.. neway its not upto me to make e decision.. its the company... by then i'll b working in 2 places..one in store n another one is in e office... so i'll b super bz... e good thing is i've got 2 tables now... i hope when im bz i dun 4get to eat... n i really hope that my migraine wont occur or comeback... coz i really hv gone through a hard time to let e migraine thing to settle...n b healthy again...

i really hope that everything's ok wif me n gege..n i really wan to knw wat''s goin on...

19th June 2009 - Friday @ 1530hrs

...dunno how to start on this... i've called ge ystday night..he aint picking up my phone calls after i phone him up 3 times...mostly..he will phone me back when he sees missed calls from me...bt tat night he dint..

this morning..call him..it rang..n nobody picks up n he juz rejected my call..so i got so mad..n angry..tats y im in a bad mood today.. bt i dint tick him off... i call him its jus to tell him my sorrows... n tell him wats goin on n so forth...neway..i got off my temper..n sms him juz now..asking is there something wrong..he replied ' No. Bz now. ' juz like tat... mayb he's bz wif his work ba...

for now i keep thinking tat did i do somthing wrong or watever so tat made him mad at me...or is he sick of me being his sister? or is he in a bad mood ?? as for now..i dun wan to bother him neither talk to him for the time being.. let him to casts his anger off...

i really hope that everything's ok
*crossing fingers*

Finally!!! I can DRIVE!!!!! 13th June 2009 @ 2147hrs

Finally!! after so many months of no driving life...i took up my courage to drive again...finally somewhr a bit further than my taman... to the shopping mall....actually was plannin to watch 'Hannah Montana The Movie' bt in GSC they dun play it..sighs..one trip wasted..bt me n mei watch '17 again'..acted by Zac Efron..a kinda comedy show..bt not bad la...

juz b4 that me n mei will owaz do the same thing when we've got the time right b4 the movie started... ARCADE!!! hehehe... played 'House of Death 4'.. its been a long time since we've gone out together n do somthing like this... i was hopin to go to Auto-City..coz there's roadshow on Best Audio Contest on Cars..Best Modification n all...sighsss..it ends today ler...bt i dint think of that when we passed it n at that time when we're on our way home..SIGHSSS!!! nvm...will do that the next year...

ystday was good... at 1st i was thinking of not goin to e christian church for e mass..coz i felt its not right for me to be there...bt then when i got there it all change... they prayed for me as the sermant on tt day was about healing...so they know that i've got hyperthyroidism... so they prayed for me n i thank them for that..bt still i will stay as i am wat i belif till today..as a Catholic...

neway...the good news is my lump is getting smaller n smaller when e days passed by..i really hope tt it doesnt comes back again..bt e thing is my heart beat is getting faster n faster by e day...i really hope tt it can b normal again.. 2nd thing... im getting thinner n thinner le... lost around 5kg right now... n im hopin to lose more than this...until i got till 55kg n that's enough le..n i also need to start on exercising.. eg. play badminton..bt the thing is there's no court here..plus..its hard to ask my friends out for a game..all of them wans to rest...sighs...mayb i shud start on joggin le rather than playing badminton...i really need to get back into shape le..or else im too fat liao..everybody keeps saying that i've grown fatter than e last time liao..so sad... muz JIA YOU n get thinner n healthier..

hectic...really hectic day for me...

hmmm...wat can i say...yesterday was really hectic for me..damn lotsa rejections on Nivea products coming in...sighs...yet still no reply from the customers...that made me really mad...

i dunno y these few days i've been feelin kinda low...n i get angry easily...i dunno how to handle these kinda stuffs anymore...

yesterday evening the TOG ppl came to our home for bible readin...today we're goin to receive a blessing from the Holy Spirit...n mummy was eager to get it..coz she wans to hold onto the tongue language...yes tongue language in christian community is pretty strong...but to me.. i dun really wan all these to happen..though they prayed for me as in for my hyperthyroidism problem that im facing right now... n i thank them for that..bt the thing is...i belive wat made me today is my faith in Jesus...hmmm...i can really see that mummy is into all these stuff..i really hope that she will make the right choice in being who she is n wat religion is she in...

to me all religion teaches good stuff..asking us to b good..so no matter what religion is more powerful n all..it comes to a result that is teaching us to b good..a good person...

n my home..is totally terrible...he keeps complainin to mum about the small mistakes we do n make it as a big story in the hood...i dun really like him...alicia jie knows wat im goin through..though she's not into it..i know that she n ge will b thr for me when i need them...
im very happy to hv her as my sister..

da jie..hmmm...she's been borrowing $$ from me..yes..i can borrow her..bt the thing is im like mum..n she's like dad...its like a circle...when jie asks me for $$ i will giv her..juz like wat happen to mum n him...i find hard to save up a sum of money every month...i've been payin bills more than she is..maxis,water,astro n giving mum allowance... sometimes hv to borrow her some n give mei her allowance too...

nowadays..he's has been acting weird...he has been talkin to me n all..i tried not to talk nor reply him..coz i felt its weird...suddenly he wans to get a good relationship wit me?? impossible...surely there's something behind it...

im so tired...what can i do to stop all these?? i dunno wat is mum up to..i dunno wat is on her mind..there's once she said she wan2 seperate wit him..n i end up looking for lawyer's phone numbers for her..n i asked her to call them herself..bt im not sure whether did she call them o not..or she's still hv feelings for him...?? im really confused n im really very tired...i wan2 get out of this house...n not bother about anything..bt i cant..when i think of mum...

wat can i do more??

the hard part

so it came to e last day of my trip...i went out with my best friend roseanne to city square..shopping..i bought so many clothes even gifts for gege n er ge n god ma...coz its nice to buy someone something b4 u leave...

its owaz the hardest part that i have to face..after i came back from shopping...i put all the gifts onto their beds...coz they're not in...except for gege...he's at home keeping me company..plus to send me to e airport...i cried silently in e room...n pretend tat im sleeping when gege comes in...to check on me...at tat time..i was thinking..i really hate leaving jb..coz its been a great time having to b there..where i spend half of my life thr...n i was thinking about family problems..where i dn feel happy to b back here..work is stressful n pressuring ald.. home is much more complicated..i really hope that i could get out from this misery...i feel like tellin gege about his at that time..i juz dunno y i said no to him when he asks me to...i juz cried..n he gave me a great big hug...he even try to make me laugh..n at that time he was hving fever...n im hving fever now...haha...

neway...i realli had lotsa fun..looking at my god-brother n god sis playing around when we went n play pool...i lost at every game...sighs...got to try lotsa new japanese food which penang doesnt hv it yet..neway..everyday that i spend was memorable but the pitiful thing is i dint take pics...the onyl pic i took is wit my god-sis where when i've arrived in jb's airport..thats the only one...hmm...
i wil take more pics,,when i get down to jb by the end of e year...looking forward to it...

E Jade Bangle

hmmm...remember the bangle that i said my best friend gave me...well yea...

although he bought it from china for me...he gave me when we're on e beach..hving my pressure let out..while enjoying the breeze...i dunno whether its a gift for being his gf or being his friend...sometimes i will think that whether shud i wear it o not... i dunno what kinda gift is he trying to give to me...its so confusing.. by looking at it..it confused me...

any clue?? no..coz he nvr once call me up for no reason juz to chit chat n all...he nvr once sms me unless i sms him...so wat does that means???

6th June 2009 @ 1028hrs

Finally i've reached jay bee yesterday evening... when im in e plane... when i saw jb city...it feels so good to b home...

the 1st person that i saw n in my heart i feel so happy to see him..my nvr ever changing brother...still skinny..still funny...then he came with alicia jie jie my GOD SISTER!!! n he dint let me know... he n alicia plan that she hide up..n she will follow up at the back to take my luggage... then gege will pretend that he lost my luggage somewhr... then i saw her....she's so punie...so little... so cute...

its our first time meeting up.. then we went for a barbeque dinner..gege got ulcer...so the both of us got the chance to eat up...haha :D

so today..actually i have to follow gege to a function...but i decide not to..coz im not familiar with all those people..plus i dun dare to show people how i've grown...as i've grown bigger in size..n my thyroid hasnt gone down yet...feel so terrible...neway..im an expert @ staying at home...

the doc said that my thyroid has gone down n she wans me to stop on the carbimazole...bt i still doubt it ... thats y im still taking the medication...how i wish i could go back to my normal size when that once im only 50++kg..now im trying to find ways to slim down...i've tried all sorts of stuff...bt still its not working... when m i goin down n smaller in size??? sighssss

4th June 2009 @ 1430hrs

this is the particular day that i can remember very clearly...

that one day...i've 4gotten to switch off the air-con when im in mum's room and for goodness sake i went to work...then he called up mum..telling her that i didnt switch off the air-con when i went out...
later on..on MSN mum came n confronted me saying that i forgot to switch the air-cond off...i apologize to her saying that i didnt mean to... then she said to me one sentence " what is the point of saying sorry when u've done something wrong??" i was so dissapointed wen she said that word.. For Goodness sake... sometimes people tend to forget some stuffs... i didnt do it on purpose as to let him to hv the chance to complain it to mum n to irritate mum...i dint do anything wrong..i've juz forgot...when my aunt ask me..wats goin on..when she saw my face gone sad..i cried when i told her the whole story...coz the sentence that mum is saying that i did someting wrong..n now when i thnk of that day she told me off...i really feel like crying...

i know that mum is goin through menopause... n i know its hard...bt come to think of it...did i do something wrong?? i dint intend to forget..i dint intend to let him hv the chance to complaint everything to mum n irritate her...I DINT MEAN TO!!!!!