got a bad news -31st March 2008 @ 1608hrs

i recieve a bad news frm sum1 whom i relli loved...
he said he's hving a failure heart problem..
i m juz hoping the problem wont relapse..
coz im goin to lose him if the problem relapse..

i m relli desperated,
not knwing wat to do tt can save his life...
im relli sad felt like i wanna cry out loud bt i cant...
coz evry1 will ask me 'y? wat happen?'

i juz wanna say...BK..i love u very much,
i knw tt u'll b alright..coz God is here..
he'll make evrything impossible to b possible...
juz need to belif in him...trust him n pray to him...
n i will owaz b here wit u if u need me...

confused - 27th March 2008 @ 1800hrs

im so confused...whether shud i study or shud i work...its a tough decision to make n to think abt...

i hv to think abt my family, if i go for my studies n depend on them

i dun think its a good thing...



if i work,although i cud save up a sum of money i needed,

bt i will get a sponsorship if i work through the year...

now i dunno wat cna i decide on...
can sum1 help me?

wat can i do? 24 March 2008 @ 1611 hrs

i haven been myself lately...
haven been sleeping days n nites...
thinking abt wat am i goin to do next..

aft i got my results,
my heart drop...
i cant go to singapore to further my studies...
instead i hv to plan other plans to do abt my life
tt God has set for me...

for now..studying is not my plan...
instead working for this year is my plan
coz i wanna save up a sum of money so that i can support myself to a college
that suits me n im comfortable wit..

i felt that evrybody is expecting my results to be good...
bt instead..it happen to b a dissapointment..
i bet my brother is dissapointed n expecting my lil sis to do better than me...
like wat he did to my elder sis...

sumtimes it bothers me that people look down on me...
church's 'people' look down on me..though everybody are my 'friends'

wat hurts me most is that my family look down on me..
for wat i did n do...though i love them alot n they love me too...
bt still i felt the feeling of dissapointment in them to me..

church's tragedy happen so fast that i got misunderstood of hving an adultery with my god-father...i dunno wat happen or wat did i do to hv this mistake happen onto me...
now im banned frm doing God's work...in church...
now i dun trust anyone frm that church except the ones who r my real friends tt i knw i cud belif in them...n they knw the truth abt my story...

all these had happen so fast..till im relli blinded by the trust i gave unto them...
i hv to say that i cant trust the friends i had in my life..
i dun even tell secrets to them abt my stuff...
i dun talk to them much...

for all that i did for them , bad stuffs happen to me from them
is wat i get in being their helper...

for now im lost of wat m i goin to do next...

im tired...so so tired...
now my beloved brother isnt talking to me...
no matter how i tried...

i wanna say...
gege wat did i do 2 make u so angry wit me?
can u tell me?

i dunno wat can i do to make everything rite...
im useless...tired...
wat can i do?

cute n adorable pup-24 March 2008 @ 1358hrs

its has been a long day for me...i hope i can go home fast after work...
my house is under renovation..thr's lotsa dust bunnies n all..
bt still its my home tt i hv to live in...

recently happen lotsa stuff that r untinkable..
for instance my mum came home early..than usual..to help us around wit the housechores...

its a happy day on friday...my dad brought home a pup..its cute n adorable...
all of us love it in the family...bt its uncontrollable when its hungry...hehe
when it see us eat dinner, it kept whining coz it wanna eat...haha
very cute..aft eating it goes to sleep in its basket...
hmm i call it 'it' coz v still hv no name for it...
i was thinking of calling 'it' Pig
coz it eat then sleep...eat then sleep...haha..bcame fat aft it came to our house..

it keeps coming into the living room n play...
bad thing is,it pee everywhr in the living room..i hv to clean up all the time when it pee....
haha...

18th March 2008 @2153hrs

today has been a tiring day after work...dunno wat can i do to get out...

my life is like repeating by itself..wake up,go to work,come home,hving dinner,then watch tv n sleep...

aft getting my SPM results..when i saw my results are like shit...i dunno wat i can do ald...nothing...b4 this i had plans..bt then..im totali blank of wat im goin to do next...
i was planning to go to singapore to further my favorite course...bt i cant...im not QUALIFIED!!!
im so dissapointed at myself....im cried when i called my mum,i cried when my teacher called me n ask abt my results,n i cried tt i fail my BK exam...i bet God is dissapointed in me...

'some' asks me to go to government schools n study form 6..bt i dun wan to...its hard!
'some' did asks me to go for teacher's college ( government ) as government teachers' salary are higher...

i hate myself sumtimes tt i dint make things rite...there's a problem tt i cant solve..bt im dissapointed at myself of y i cant b thr for my loved ones...im sorry...
for now i dun knw wat can i do or wat can i say..to help solve this...

as for my education...im damn sad...i cant go for wat i wanted..everybody keep pressuring me to go for 'this' go for 'that' in which wat i dont like to go for...

for now working wit my aunt is like working wit a stupid boss..piles of work r waiting for me go settle them...my aunt actualli look down on me..for my results r like shit...she keeps saying others like 'Wow! ur child is totali clever ! got this A, tt A" n wat she doesnt knw abt is she's hurting my feelings..
wat can i do to help myself in this kind of situation? im so hurt im so sad...tt i cant go for wat i wanted...IM DISSAPOINTED IN MYSELF FOR NOT DOING THINGS RITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!