5th April 2011-Tuesday

I went for Martin's seminar n it's was awesome.. His talk did gave me some inspirations n advice thru his words..so aft the talk.. He said he wanna talk to me abt my prob.. So we talked for like 10 mins aft his session..

When I got in e car.. Before tht I told mum that martin wanna talk to me for a while.. So I got in e car.. She asked me y did I took so long to come out while others r out? I told her that I'm talking to Martin.. My mum says.. Dun go n join all e youth gatherings n all.. I dun like.. I was quiet e whole time during e journey home..

Well.. As i've said, I had to stop every activities that I'm joining which includes being in e choir which i love so much for church n mixing wit my friends in church.. When I told u that I saw "him" last Sunday.. I was terrified when I saw him in mass ystday.. All e flashback of e past memories of wad had happen brings tears to my eyes.. I'm realli scared to b here.. I am realli terrified..

Now.. All I wan is a new start in a new environment.. Friends n family please pray that I get e cabin crew job for firefly airlines n to b based in JB. N I realli hope that I'll get e job.. All I wan is a new start ..a new start...

3rd April 2011-Sunday

Every memories of my past has came back when I saw him today in mass... All those dark side of it... I dowan anything to start over again.. I dowan to remember all these stuff.. It brings tears to my eyes.. I'm terrified.. I'm scared.. Idk wad to do.. Bt all I wan to is to leave here.. Y does all these memories has to b back?? Y is she tracking my every moves?? Y is she doing this?? Y..?? I didn't do anything wrong.. She made Everything up.. Throwing fake stories all over.. Y does she wanna destroy my life?? Y is she doing this to me?? I'm reali scared.. I wanna leave here.. Ppl.. Pray that I get the job in Firefly Airlines.. Help me pray that I get e job n be based in Johor Bahru.. Please... God please..

Music to Our Ears.. =)

Have u ever wondered abt who created music in e 1st hand?? Nyeh... Neither do I.. Lols But whoever who created music is some genius.. Rite now there r quite an amount of wonderful cum famous singers all ard e world..thus music leaves a beat to your heart.. Some make u dance,some'll make u sing to it.. N some leaves a memory/history to it.. Well.. We all do enjoy music.. It doesn't matter whether it's classical or pop or acoustic etc etc.. Each n everyone has at least a type of music that they like to listen to.. N I can assure that nobody in this world doesn't listen to music.. Don't u think so? =) As for me.. Music let me remember my past memories.. Hmmm let's take "I Hate This Part Right Here" by Pussycat Dolls for instance.. This song reminded me of my 1st breakup aka 1st relationship.. All those happy n sad memories.. N when he has a new gf in school.. N when he even dated my sis.. Well all these I could remember clearly from a song.. Juz like that.. That's y I dun listen to this song at all aft wad had happen.. Whenever it's on e radio.. I would turn it off.. Coz it kinda hurts me much to remember what he did.. Though I'm e one who said e breakup.. At least I get to know what kind of guy he is rite? =) Oh well what has pass is e past tense..life has to go on rite?? Hmm I'm currently at a bus station now.. Awaiting for the bus to come n head down to jb again.. =)

4th March 2011 - Friday @1917hours

So its Friday again..
This week we've been listening to Lite fm.. Pretty good now.. rather than all e commercials that they use to hv.. Now mostly they r 80s music.. I dunno y.. I've been listening to oldies lately.. maybe its kinda soothing n jolly..

Well, I got my iPhone back aft it has shut down on me.. Send it to Digi center,been loads of arguing between me n Digi's CS.. Aft that they decided to replace me a new unit,same model..
So a new phone.. a new start of getting new apps.. lols..

Sigh.. Been moody lately.. unknown to what should i do to make all things rite.. When one say, do this ur in e wrong path.. do that is another mistake.. I've tried my very best to make it up to everybody..especially to the one whom I've grown up with.. whom I adores n look up to most..
I hope that we start talking n chit chatting soon like we used to.. =]

Some1 ask me today.. "Jackie.. R u ok?? U've been cleaning for quite a few hours now.." she told me that these days I've been cleaning things.. such as my office tables,washing the dishes n re-washing.. Then she told me, "I realize that whenever ur in a moody mood,u clean.." I smiled n say "I'm fine.. No worries"..

Aft thinking abt wad she said.. I was like hmm yea.. I clean/eat (alot) whenever I'm moody cum depress..Maybe its what I do.. I hope that Im not goin to be like this when I'm goin for my SIA's interview next week.. Later help e hotel janitor to clean their toilets.. LOLs

Hmmm... my colleagues told me that my throat is like kinda swollen again.. But I dun really hv any symptoms like before.. No racing heartbeat neither does weight gone down fast or even hving any breathing difficulties.. But when I straightened my hands out, it kinda like shivers a lil.. So I guess I hv to go back to e hosp n hv it check out.. HOpe that everything goes well.. If not.. might go for surgery edi,coz i dun wanna take e medications.. It'll make me fat juz by taking their medications.. Coz if i got fat, I couldnt get thru for the interview.. They'll juz kick me out... SO i hope that everything's ok..*crossing fingers*

David Cook - Permanent - American Idol Finale 2009

Being stucked in e middle...

I've juz realize something..
That I've hurt someone pretty bad.. Bt the thing is he won't utter a word abt it..
He's e one whom I adores n loves most.. N he hasnt been talking to me for days..weeks..

Maybe I shouldnt hv promise her that I could b her bridesmaid.. Maybe I shouldnt hv..
Im kinda regretting abt it now..

Hell.. Its kinda hard to owaz be in the middle of something at times..
ezpecially if your in a special relationship with the both of them..
What should I do?? Aft watching a video that he posted.. It really speaks abt him..
N with that.. It really kills me inside.. where Im gonna be e girl's bridesmaid..

He pretends to be fine in front of me.. But i know that he's hurt in a way i did..
maybe I shouldn hv promise her.. maybe i shouldn hv plan everything.. maybe...
GAH!!! I really made a big mistake this time.. SHYTE!!!!

I feel like crying.. I wanna say Sorry to him.. I really hope that I'm in his arms hugging him.. saying that I'm sorry..

Sometimes its really hard for me to make decisions between two.. But I think this time.. I'll go with my guts n say that I couldnt be her bridesmaid.. But I'll help her with everything she needs.. other than being her bridesmaid/jie mei...

In e end.. today..I told her that I couldnt be her bridesmaid... She's sad cum angry.. sighs.. Its really hard to tell her.. I'm really sorry that i hv to make this decision..
Due to his current situation.. I hv to think abt him n his feelings..
feel like T.T-ing rite now...
what should i do to make everything better??? What can I do to make e situation to be like before??

So they say.. "Love is Blind"

Have y'all ever wondered how foolish a person can be for their loves ones?? When their loved ones are hurting them so much??

I've experienced it.. N I'm currently looking at one now..So they say "Love is blind" n it really is..Sometimes he/she is willing to do anything for the other half..

Example :
1) Clean their shit for them
2) Give them what they wanted..
3) etc etc..

Sometimes when its a woman I wouldnt hv mind for them to get what they want from their other half.. As long as they dun go too over with it..
I really do mind for guys, who asks for $$ when they are the ones whom's suppose to give it to their girls..

Hmmm..quite disappointing to see that a person whom u look up to doing things like this..
Take my dad for instance.. its not that I wanna talk bad abt him.. But the thing is I couldnt stand to see that he asks $$ from my mum.. Where he can work n earn money himself.. If he is a cacat-ed person I wouldnt hv mind to give him e monthly expenses.. But currently, he got hands n feet.. Y cant he work? Y stay at home n juz watch tv all day long? N sometimes ridiculously..goes out till wee-hours.. N thus, its not that we're having any younger brother/sister to be taken care of ald..So y not work? N earn money which u can spend it urself?

Now its getting even much more ridiculous.. Yes I ride bike to work.. N Jess juz bought herself a car edi.. So I thought that I could drive to work edi..rather than riding back home late at night after work.. Who knows.. He got to drive e car, n its ridiculous that he actually asks for petrol money from mum this time..Another burden for mum..Sighs.. Sometimes I really dunno y that mum gave in..

She said that she wouldnt give him any $$ starting this year.. N thus, we even talked abt the car issue.. Ask her to tell that person, that If he wanna drive the car, he got to pay for the monthly installment himself n the petrol money too.. Bt in e end.. sigh..SIGHS!!!!
I remembered tat day, he got himself a summon.. He asked Jess to pay for him.. I was like "Hello! ur summon,u pay la.. U got the ability to get a summon.. U muz hv e ability to pay for it"

I realli cant stand him sometimes.. N sometimes I scolded my mum for being stupid to give in to him.. Mummy told me once that she has her own reason.. Im like "What reasons?? Can u share it with me??" n she doesnt know how to answer me.. Coz i dun think that there's a reason for her to give in lidat.. She doesnt owe anything to my dad.. If she does.. she has been paying him for her whole life edi.. even a pot of gold can burst edi..

That's y i couldnt continue with mt studies.. If I do.. Who's gonna help mum out? I dunno..
BUt I realli hope that she realises that she has been giving him way too much on what he asks for edi..