28th April 2010 - Wednesday @ 2225hrs

sighss...on "sick leave" these days..can't really write cuz im having a flu..sneezing n hving running nose all e time..

its all started on monday, headache n drowsiness.. i was working then, i tahan sampai tak boleh tahan edi, then i ask for a half-day's leave..well its my first time taking an MC during office hours..when i was leaving the office i told my boss that im goin home, he said one word "HUH!!"

the worst thing is, i hv to ride e bike back home..b4 e journey back home,i prayed so that i can reach home safely with e drowsiness goin on.. so went home,changed n straight to bed.. slept from 5-7.30pm..then woke up,has dinner n 10pm continue my sleep again..guess i need more rest..

then ystday i slept around 8pm?? i think so..until this morning..haha..anyhow no matter how early i slept,when im at work or riding bike to work..im still sleepy though..guess i need much more rest than wat i've expected..goin to b a pig soon haha..

anyway work hasnt been stressful these days..received a sms from my friend, she asks me out for a shopping spree..bt then come to think of it..im broke..haha..anyhow juz to hang out wif friends its a thing to relax..hmm..wanted to buy DVDs but then dunno where..

e last time im in jb..ge said that he'll bring me to his friend's DVD's shop..but then dint bring,him n i ended up sleeping e whole day thru (sort of) hahaha..^^rite now there are a few movies that i havent watched,guess buying DVDs are worth it ei? haha

anyhow..im tired..guess i need more rest again?? haha nites every1!

21st April 2010 - Wednesday @ 2218hrs

hmmm..dunno wat to say..bt its so sad..

though haven been talking to ge, though its has been a long time..bt he seems so cold these days..mayb he's bz ba..

i wanted to pour out my feelings to him, bt i dun think that i could do that coz mayb he's bz n i dun wan to increase his loads..so mayb keeping all these to myself will b alright rather than sharing it..

sighs..realli miss him dearly..not forgetting alicia jie too ^^..

anyhow, same thing goes to her,,.her work has been piling up since...i dunno when but i know she has been working till late night,sometimes work from home..there's a lot of things for her to handle in her current company.. so same thing goes to her..i couldn share my thoughts wit her..

recently went for an interview for digi's CSO position..they r offering me abt RM 800 for salary n RM 200 for allowance.. its quite low..bt then working in it, i could learn loads of stuff n another thing is it could help me in my interviews for airlines..bt im not sure whether i shud take up e job coz :

1. transportation problem..- i've got no car/bike to work..currently riding comopany's motorbike

2. im stil waiting for a reply from e company in jb..

3. wats holding me back - my mum n sis, st anne's volunteering work

thus, its really hard for me to look for a job,when my mum's pretty demanding,,i know she wans me to live easily but im not sure whether if i listen to her, i will get e job or not..

lately, i've been so frustrated..not sure y..mayb im juz tired..

then jess..she got herself a new job..happy for her.. she went to jb for training last week..n met up wit ge..not sure what they've talk abt,bt im really happy that they've started talking rather than not.. i know that everybody has been disappointed in jess..bt i know tt she's making e effort in turning herself into a better person..so..GAMBATEHNE da jie!!

feel like crying these days..bt its a long long journey for me to move on..im not sure wat my decision will b.. bt i realli do hope that God is leading me to e right way..

10th April 2010 - Saturday @ 2122hrs

not sure wat to say...i dunno where to start..hmm

well i dunno whether i coming up with e rite decisions on my job choice.. shud i go for e same line as in transportation or shud i try out for another line?? bt the thing is, if i choose e transportation line i would b in jb..n its a city that i wan to b livin in..bt im not sure whether or not that e company will hire me.. on the other hand, if i chose some other lines of work i b in, i would hv to stay in penang..

sighs..

lets go into another subject..hmm.. im out of words for jess le.. n there's a secret tat she told me for quite sometime ald n she doesnt wan me to tell somebody else.. bt instead of me telling some1, she told bean herself..

In additional, this week she hasnt been home for two days straight n for tat 2 days i haven seen her not even her soul..i dunno whom that i could refer to bt i've tolerate it for a long time n i've got no choice n im sufferring here, i told ge abt her..not abt the secret bt abt her missing for two days.. coz mum called me up n ask me abt da jie.. Ge advice me to tell mum..bt im not sure whether i shud, coz if i told mum jess would b in trouble n she might get kick out of the house instantly. this has not not happen this once bt this happen twice..In the end, i end up not telling mum abt her stuff, juz go with the flow if mum ask abt jess..

Somehow or rather i know where jess has been staying. now, im not sure whether she's on with e guy or wat.. no matter wat, i really do hope that she'll make e right decisions in her life.

Anyhow, jess told me juz now that she'll b in JB for her company's training abt a week starting from the 15th.. she've tried her v best to tell ge that she's goin down n all..bt ge dint reply her messages..mayb its bcoz jess realli hurt ge this time.. Im really trying to patch things up between jess wit ge n mum...bt im not sure whether im doin the rite thing bt i will try my v best to patch things up for jess, just to make it all better for her..

for she hv told bean b4 that she cant feel the love at home..to me jess is totally missing out the time with me,mum n mei..me,mum n mei mostly hang out/eat/sleep (in e same room)/mostly do everything together..while jess is out wit her friends/dating (e last time)..

N yes, our home has been broken up..by a person who thinks he's a "king" n he's owaz rite..

its not a home that most of e ppl wants to be in.. for me, it sometimes hurts a lot when i see some children's/ my friend's dad who dotes on e family a lot..n sometimes i do cry alone thinking y m i hving this kind of family..

rite now, i really do hope that ge n mum would really forgive jess though she disappoints them real big this time..n i really hope for the best for her n i really hope that she can find the love that she owaz wanted wit us..

n yea im a person who worries abt others 1st than abt her own self..