its has owaz been hard to write my blog..no matter when im in office or @ home..its has owaz been hard to write...

i really miss gege now.. hope to b in his arms all day long..i dun wan2 come back to Penang..rite now..JB is wat i call home..n every time i leave jb, i owaz end up crying..

im so pressured..home,sis,work... bt anyhow i hv to b strong for myself..

its hard for me to make it all better for da jie..n alicia jie n ge told me not to bother abt her anymore..coz she's old enuf to take care of herself..this evening..she ask me, wat do i think of her..i told her that she should wake up n realise wat is she doin to herself,she's e only one who knows wat's she doin to herself n she's old enuf to know wat's right n wat's wrong..she keep asking me whr,how,wat could she do to change herself? whr is her mistake?

the thing is i dunno how to say it to her.

bt im realli realli pressured to b in this home with all these problems keep coming up..im almost bankrupt now.. there's a sum of money that im saving up..n i've told myself i cant touch the sum of money..bt in e end, i ended up touching it...coz im hurt to see mum to give out her money for da jie's b'day party..that's y i took out e $$ to help mum pay..rite now..im almost broke..

jess told me that she'll pay me back..bt how? when? rite now i realli dun care..bt its realli sad n disappointing..to say the truth, i did cried for her..twice..once on my b'day n another time when bean told me abt him n her... i cried becoz of jess..

these days she has been wearing back her spectacles, she told me e reason y..she said she wans2 find her old self back.n i've realised she's been listening to songs that we've listen when we were young, bt i cant see whether she's making any effort in doin it..

ge said..e next times jess falls..he wouldnt b thr to pick her up again..ge is realli mad at her this time..i knw y.. coz most of e time, wat she told ge n me..most of it are all lies..rite now i dunno wat she says its e truth o not..bt still she's my sis..i cant put my hands aside..n not help her in her journey..

n im realli suffering to keep all these secrets that both bean n jess tells me...help?

Disppointments

i talk to ge n ask ge questions.. on why da jie like to lie.. its owaz lies after lies..ge said she has became in to a person where nobody knows who she is now..n then ge dun wan2 care much abt her d..

she said she got nothing to do with e 495 guy..they r juz best friends..bt then e other day i saw her phone's wall paper its a pic of her n e guy..so wat can i say abt that?like as if she got nothing to do with e guy..

yes i know that she's a person who needs attention..bt doesnt she feels that she's owaz so selfish owaz thinking abt her own good? wat abt others? dont others need attentions too? e other day b4 i fly down to jb she bought a neck tie for bean..coz he's goin for a new job starting on monday..i dunno wat's she tinking.. she wans bean o e 495 guy? she told bean b4 that wat e 495 guy can give her n wat bean couldnt give her..isnt it cruel? so rite now she wans to go back to bean n get along with e 495 guy? like e last time? hmm i dun think so...

what's sad is..bro bean is improving himself..thus working on 2 jobs..for wat? its not for himself..its for da jie..he wans da jie to live comfortably with him when they get married... rite now, aft e break up..he's still striving for it..wans to let da jie to b with him again.. bt if she keeps seeing this 495 guy.i dun think its possible for her to get back to bro bean's side.. im so disappointed in her..i cant do much..all i can do is to make it normal for her..n i dun really wan to care much abt her..bt then..in e end she's still my sis..hv to do the part of my job..

ARGGHH!!! its so confusing n torturing to ME!!

21st March 2010 - Sunday @ 1041hours

Im back home! home sweet home.. :) in jb everything feels like home.. I love here living with ge.

on friday night ge n i had mee rebus for dinner, while waiting for alicia jie to prepare herself to join us for supper. so we went to permas jaya for some lok lok..

after that sleep.. sleeping wasnt easy for me.. coz i was nervous for e next day, cause we're goin to singapore for my interview. so i turn n turn, slept i think @ 3am n i automatically woke up @ 5am..geng ler.. :)

E Next Day (Going into Singapore)

ge n i was rushing to singapore's custom so its a long queue for me..coz ge got e pass for singapore as he applied for it. my part was the hardest of all..hv to queue :( b4 that, i trip n fall once i came down from e escalator..i know that im exhausted by walking pretty fast with high heels :) bt i hv to walk still..the bus wont wait for u. n then my legs failed on me..so then i fell..lucky nobody's there to look at me fall..only ge.. otherwise it will b so embarassing..

so it came to e imigration time.. i Q up for it while ge's outside waiting for me..while its my turn to b checked, e imigration officer (lady) took my passport n look at me..mayb its becoz of my new hairstyle n make up she sees me like im not e passport holder..she looked at me quite a number of times..so she ask me whr m i goin to..i answered Sheratons Tower Hotel..then again she asks wat bus did u sit to come to causeway? i said im not sure coz i follow my brother..she ask e same questions at me again..so i answered e same to her..then she ask me whether i got my ID or not..i took it out n gave it to her..well in e end she still doesnt belif that im me..haha :D bt then she let me in..

so we reach sheratons abt 8.15am.. wow long queue! its a lot more than wat i've seen in penang..coz when my interview in penang, i arrive around 8.30am..e queue wasnt that long..i was quite suprise that e queue in Sheratons are way longer than in penang..
so while waiting.. met a guy who's in e same group as i am..i was realli shaking when it came to our turn..so we went into e room..for round 1 interview.. so everybody intro themselves.every1 of us gave them good answers..then while we're out frome room..i was so shaking so badly.. bt then..to my dismay i got disqualified again.. bt then its over.. at least i did my best..a sigh of relieve came out from me.. :) bt then i dun feel like talking..mayb its e sadness took over me.

so e whole way back home, i dint utter a word until ge ask me wat question did they ask..i juz replied n kept quiet..anyhow after that i got over it.@ night ge brought me to his family gathering..lucky that i got bring my some so called formal long sleeved shirt n came..or else i will b wearing a t-shirt n jeans..im bored thr bt lucky Persis is thr..sitting right next to me.. so we've chatted.. :)
n come to think of it, his family is quite warm..all of us chatted n all..though some part of it i was bored till death..haha..

so right now im at home..while ge went for his badminton game..waiting for him to come home..

7th March 2010 Sunday @ 2133hrs

today its a v nice day to spend around...went n return e pots n woks to grandma..went to jusco for lunch with mum n mei..n in e aftnn visit casendra...

Casendra's giving birth somewhr in april..bt she doesnt look like she's pregnant..she looks like she put on weight only..haha..lets hope that her baby boy comes out healthy...

anyway, my neck is swollen again..n not knowing y..or how come..mayb e hyperthyroidism is back again..sighs.. its a very difficult illness of mine can b cured..i really hope that it wont get swollen when im down in singapore for my interview..

another thing is..da jie's down in jb with gege..spending her great n fun time with him..i really hope that she'll have fun n think of e rest later..recently she juz broke off with her bf, bean...im not sure why is e reason..bt e cause of it might b e 495 guy...so yesterday was her 21st b'day celebration..sadly ge cant b here neither does her bf...n there goes to the friends that she invited over for e party...bt her friends from sch really did came..

when her party was goin on..my friends couldnt make it coz one of them is sick, there make e whole group of friends not coming..so i kept myself bz..bringing food,drinks..washing n cleaning..(no time for chit chatting though..)while mei, da jie, Him, mum is doin their own stuff by chit chatting with realtives n friends...

rite now i realised its not really good n convenient to do ur own buffet..although its cheap..bt e washing n stuff r realli tiring..n my feet hurts! ouch! so next year is my 21st b'day year..im saving up to make it in a hotel..with food n Blasting stereos! im making it much better for my 21st b'day...

thus the week after its my interview for S.I.A., sighs, i realli hope that i could make it in this time.Friends n Family please Pray for me...!

3rd March 2010 - Wednesday @ 1059hrs

after goin for so many interviews for cabin crew...SIA,MAS... still i cant get in..e 1st round of interview..kena kick out... SIA was jus recently...i got my hopes up for it..n mayb i was too nervous during e interview...n that's why i got kick out...after they announced that im not in e list for 2nd round interview...my heart's broken...

I've been preparing it for so long.. n its juz got my hopes down again..shud i go for e next SIA's interview on 20th March? i dunno wat to do...bt everybody is asking me to go for it..Shud i go for it?