Monday, January 10, 2011
11th Nov 2011 - Tuesday @ 0000 hours
Love...
Hmm definition of love?
- A profound tender,passionate affection for another person
- a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection for a parent or a child or a friend
- to a person whom love is felt..
Etc etc..
Love has got a lot of meanings in it.. Bt hv u ever wonder what it really is?
Neither do I.. Haha.. Eversince the puppy love that I had when I was form 3.. I haven found the one yet till now..weird huh? =)
everybody's asking me.. U got bf anot? I answered them no.. They r not believing my words.. :$ Keep asking "Realli arr?? Realli??" I was determined..
Cause I realli dun hv one yet.. =D
Well.. Being single is either an advantage or disadvantage.. Freedom.. U can do anything u wan n not worry abt e other half even when ur hanging out wit another guy or gal.. Hmm.. Lol..
I've observe ppl pretty much.. Well.. For girls.. When we're single we would be like.. "OMG.. I wish to b hug by my bf.. Bt I dun hv one..=(" the funniest one that I saw my friend did when we were watching some Korean dramas.. When the actors get lovey dovey wit e actress.. She'll b like "How I wish my future bf would do this for me.. How I wish that it will all b romantic" etc etc..
For guys.. Hmm haven realli get to figure it out yet.. Hahaha..
Bt when ur in a relationship.. Some of it lasts.. N they're realli lovey dovey.. N some of it will b like.. I hate u bt meanwhile I love u.. Hmmm.. When e other half ain't around.. Some guys/girls will say "Yay! Time to get the party started!!"
Well.. From time to time.. I've lost my track to being love n to love somebody.. Y?? Cause I've seen couples fighting wit my own eyes.. I've seen couples quarreling over a small matter..I've seen friends getting troubled by the other half.. In other words getting hurt.. I've lost my confidence towards finding "the one"..
When ppl asked me "When n how was ur first kiss like?" I answered.. I haven kissed a person before.. How would i know?? Lol.. They were like shocked n I think u r too.. Haha
Bet ur thinking "R u for Real??"
Well yea.. In my past puppy love.. He requested bt I refused.. Ask the guy if u dun belief me..
Well.. The time will come I hope.. We'll see what's plan the e guy above has plan for me.. =)
10th Jan 2011 - Monday @2005hours
Hv u ever tot of.. How ugly u looked?? Hv u ever doubted urself could get a nice guy to be wit??
Well.. I do..
No matter how perfect u gonna be.. There will b some disadvantages abt e physical look or even attitude.. That's y they say.. Nothing's n no one's perfect..
I would say.. I do hv e nice body.. Bt I hv a big fat ass n big fat legs..I do admire where ppl hv perfect figures.. Real nice figures.. Where they can find jeans that fits perfectly. Where I'm hving a freaking hard time to look for a pair of jeans..coz my ass n thighs r huge.. N I realli mean HUGE! My heart sank when I look at my back in e mirror..
It's realli like a big fat lady from behind.. Sighs..
Well.. Being heritage by my Mum's side to hv big fat ass n legs.. R meant to b.. Bt I realli hope that working on it would work for my legs to b thinner n qualify for at most all e airlines interviews.. God! Help me please...
Desperate huge legs girl..
09th Jan 2011-Sunday @1300hrs
The beginning of the year seems to pass that easily.. Well, it doesn't change anything at all at most..
Hmmm.. There's alot of things that will go thru our mind.. Sometimes it's juz some random songs,sometimes it's juz some past memories,sometimes it's wad ur planning,sometimes it's e opposite sex of a person.. Bt most of e time.. It's juz a block of darkness..
When it comes for me to write,it will owaz go blank.. Of wad I tot before to write.. Maybe I shud take a pen n sheets of paper to write wherever I go..
I wonder wad r the things that goes on other ppl's mind rite now.. Hmmm.. U wouldn't know unless they tell u themselves..
Most ppl says that,beginning of a new year it's a beginning of a new start.. Well wad do u think? Life is either like a story or a drama.. No matter wad,it's another chapter/scene that u gotta start telling/acting.. We're living in a world which is full of mysteries n surprises.. Sometimes it's good n sometimes its bad.. U wouldn't know wads gonna happen next.. U wouldn't even know wads is in e plan in ur life..
Plans.. Hmm.. No matter how u plan ur life.. Sometimes it'll go smoothly,or juz another bump to break ur plans.. Surprises.. Surprises.. That u wouldn't know..
No matter wad.. Juz a smile away to keep everything aaight.. At least is wad I think..
Monday, December 20, 2010
20th Dec 2010 - Monday @ 2020 hours
sighs..
Sometimes, its really disappointing..
Elizabeth from Choice group called me on Saturday, asked me whether Esther n I wanna go for their annual dinner.. So we said yes..
Cause this dinner was the only chance for us to join in Choice group.. N as planned a long time ago, that Esther n I wanted to join Choice to be a part of them.
Choice is an organization where they gather Catholic working youth adults together.. To go on adventures,to help out, to do most of the things together..
So talked abt the dinner, Elizabeth called while i was in the car with mum n told me that she had passed the tickets to Fiona,whom also from Choice.So i said ok.. N mum asked who called la.. so i said that it was Elizabeth n told her all about the Choice group n about the dinner. She seems ok with it.. but its juz one problem, who's gonna fetch me there.. I told her that Esther is oso coming.. N mum's face totally change, n said no cannot go..
So cerita came la.. She told me not to be with Esther for too much as she's goin to b a bad influence to me.. this n that la..
I was like.. Esther is not lidat.. The Esther I know is kind,funny n mostly outgoing.. She has great parents.. Its not that I'm saying that mum is not good.. Mum's the best of all but then she's too controlling over me..
N by juz listening to what others is saying,she claim that everything is either bad or good.. Bt I hope that she could know Esther like I know her.. N i realli hope that she listens to my point of view of Esther.. But I doubt that she listens..
Sometimes, I would like to tell mum that I'm growing up.. I know what's right n what's wrong.. Yes,sometimes its abt ppl thinking that their friends are good while others knows that they're bad.. But I know what I'm doin.. I know where I go n what I'm doin..
I realli hope that mum realli could understand me.. I realli do hope that this day could come..
Sometimes, its really disappointing..
Elizabeth from Choice group called me on Saturday, asked me whether Esther n I wanna go for their annual dinner.. So we said yes..
Cause this dinner was the only chance for us to join in Choice group.. N as planned a long time ago, that Esther n I wanted to join Choice to be a part of them.
Choice is an organization where they gather Catholic working youth adults together.. To go on adventures,to help out, to do most of the things together..
So talked abt the dinner, Elizabeth called while i was in the car with mum n told me that she had passed the tickets to Fiona,whom also from Choice.So i said ok.. N mum asked who called la.. so i said that it was Elizabeth n told her all about the Choice group n about the dinner. She seems ok with it.. but its juz one problem, who's gonna fetch me there.. I told her that Esther is oso coming.. N mum's face totally change, n said no cannot go..
So cerita came la.. She told me not to be with Esther for too much as she's goin to b a bad influence to me.. this n that la..
I was like.. Esther is not lidat.. The Esther I know is kind,funny n mostly outgoing.. She has great parents.. Its not that I'm saying that mum is not good.. Mum's the best of all but then she's too controlling over me..
N by juz listening to what others is saying,she claim that everything is either bad or good.. Bt I hope that she could know Esther like I know her.. N i realli hope that she listens to my point of view of Esther.. But I doubt that she listens..
Sometimes, I would like to tell mum that I'm growing up.. I know what's right n what's wrong.. Yes,sometimes its abt ppl thinking that their friends are good while others knows that they're bad.. But I know what I'm doin.. I know where I go n what I'm doin..
I realli hope that mum realli could understand me.. I realli do hope that this day could come..
My memories with my beloved Grandpa who's in heaven now..
Grandpa admitted into Loh Guan Lye Specialists Hospital on the 26th Nov 2010. Coz on that very morning,he woke up n fell down from his bed.. Grandpa did try to stand up but he couldnt.. When he tried,he fell again.. That's how his head got into the dustbin. Around 6-7am,the maid went into his room to check on him..She found that grandpa was on the floor. She quickly called my step-grandma (but we normally call her ahma)..n ahma called mum.. as my step aunt n her family is in Genting on that very day..
When mum got to grandpa's house, he was awake but he's complaining that his left arm is in pain.. As the home doctor arrived, the doctor advice mum to admit my grandpa into Loh Guan Lye's hosp. So from that day on,we've visited grandpa almost every single night.. Aft that, when mum rest assured that everything's fine.. Mum went for her team building trip.
ON that very Sunday,28th Nov 2010, Grandpa was sent into ICU..Coz the doctor said that his blood pressure has gone very low..So mum was in her team building trip, she ask the 3 of us to visit grandpa n see how's everything.. So everything was fine then..
After for a few days, grandpa's condition was stable n he's admitted to the normal ward..but he couldnt talk properly as he got stroke.. but then I remember him smiling when he held my mum's hand.. n when he looked at us.. n there's one time where he stared at e ceiling.. my mum asked him to sleep, and my mum put her hand on grandpa's forehead juz to close his eyes.. Grandpa got mad,n ask mum not to disturb.. Mei n I was laughin then..
SO as per the doctor,grandpa's condition is currently stable.. everything's fine..But unfortunately on the 5th Dec 2010,when mum thinks that grandpa's fine in hosp.. On that day itself my grandpa's heart stopped.. when I got the news I cried so hard..N cruelly my aunt asks me to work n not to go with her.. I hate her for that..
In the end，grandpa was saved by the doctors..But it was a 5 minutes too late.. From then on, grandpa couldnt wake up n was a vegetable then. NO matter wat,he still can hear us talking.. I remembered his tears running down from his eyes thru his face when I talked to him.. It breaks my heart to see him like this..
Mum thought that they're taking grandpa home as the doctors say he couldnt survive.. But it was another news the next day.. The doctors say that he's currently in a stable condition apart from the life support that they are supporting him with..everything's fine.
So 2nd aunt (mum's sis)who's a government servant as a teacher..wrote a letter asking for transfer to GH..So they made all the arrangements to get grandpa transfer..
ON 9th December 2010,Thursday, Grandpa got transferred to General Hospital. From that day on,I've been bugging my mum to bring me to visit grandpa.. but she said that the visiting time aint right..I work until 6pm by the time v get thr confirm cannot visit grandpa edi.. Coz their visiting time is until 8pm sharp only.. When i said that I wanna take leave juz to accompany grandpa,mum n mei. But mum keep saying no..Mum ask me to visit grandpa on Saturday aft work. She promised to bring me there..
Saturday comes.. I've been so excited to visit grandpa after work,waiting for the time to pass by fast.. when the clock strikes 3pm,I quickly pack my bag n got home. By the time I got home, I dint see mum's car anywhere.. I called mei,mei told me that they are in Penang edi.. It breaks my heart that mum had prmised but she told me she forgot..I was mad n sad..
On that night,I remembered Franklin called,I cried while talking on the phone to him.. Coz I dun get to c grandpa n I hv a bad feeling of it.. The feeling had bothered me eversince grandpa admitted hospital..It kept me up that night.
Sunday,12th December 2010,mum went out with aunt Lily n aunt Molly early in the morning to GH.. wanted to see the doctor to ask abt grandpa's condition. While the 3 of us went for mass. SO aft mass we came home,n mum was in grandma's house..At the time of 1pm,mum called us to go to grandma's house to meet up..but Jess said that she's tired n she took nap for a while. ard 2pm mum called again, ask us to go to grandma's house now..
While we were otw to grandma's house,mum called again asking us to rush over coz grandpa got prob d.. then we picked mum n aunt molly up fron grandma's house n quickly rush to GH.. Grandpa dint wait for us.. while we were almost reaching,by juz a turn away grandpa passed away.
I cried so hard.. when I got to see him.. I held his hand.. n it was cold..
Grandpa..I'm sorry that I didn't visit u after u got transferred. I'm sorry that I've stopped running to u n hugging u like I used to do when I was young.. Grandpa.. I'm sorry that I couldn't spend much time with u when I was young n growing up..Grandpa..thank you for everything..
I LOVE YOU Grandpa! n I'll miss you owaz..
When mum got to grandpa's house, he was awake but he's complaining that his left arm is in pain.. As the home doctor arrived, the doctor advice mum to admit my grandpa into Loh Guan Lye's hosp. So from that day on,we've visited grandpa almost every single night.. Aft that, when mum rest assured that everything's fine.. Mum went for her team building trip.
ON that very Sunday,28th Nov 2010, Grandpa was sent into ICU..Coz the doctor said that his blood pressure has gone very low..So mum was in her team building trip, she ask the 3 of us to visit grandpa n see how's everything.. So everything was fine then..
After for a few days, grandpa's condition was stable n he's admitted to the normal ward..but he couldnt talk properly as he got stroke.. but then I remember him smiling when he held my mum's hand.. n when he looked at us.. n there's one time where he stared at e ceiling.. my mum asked him to sleep, and my mum put her hand on grandpa's forehead juz to close his eyes.. Grandpa got mad,n ask mum not to disturb.. Mei n I was laughin then..
SO as per the doctor,grandpa's condition is currently stable.. everything's fine..But unfortunately on the 5th Dec 2010,when mum thinks that grandpa's fine in hosp.. On that day itself my grandpa's heart stopped.. when I got the news I cried so hard..N cruelly my aunt asks me to work n not to go with her.. I hate her for that..
In the end，grandpa was saved by the doctors..But it was a 5 minutes too late.. From then on, grandpa couldnt wake up n was a vegetable then. NO matter wat,he still can hear us talking.. I remembered his tears running down from his eyes thru his face when I talked to him.. It breaks my heart to see him like this..
Mum thought that they're taking grandpa home as the doctors say he couldnt survive.. But it was another news the next day.. The doctors say that he's currently in a stable condition apart from the life support that they are supporting him with..everything's fine.
So 2nd aunt (mum's sis)who's a government servant as a teacher..wrote a letter asking for transfer to GH..So they made all the arrangements to get grandpa transfer..
ON 9th December 2010,Thursday, Grandpa got transferred to General Hospital. From that day on,I've been bugging my mum to bring me to visit grandpa.. but she said that the visiting time aint right..I work until 6pm by the time v get thr confirm cannot visit grandpa edi.. Coz their visiting time is until 8pm sharp only.. When i said that I wanna take leave juz to accompany grandpa,mum n mei. But mum keep saying no..Mum ask me to visit grandpa on Saturday aft work. She promised to bring me there..
Saturday comes.. I've been so excited to visit grandpa after work,waiting for the time to pass by fast.. when the clock strikes 3pm,I quickly pack my bag n got home. By the time I got home, I dint see mum's car anywhere.. I called mei,mei told me that they are in Penang edi.. It breaks my heart that mum had prmised but she told me she forgot..I was mad n sad..
On that night,I remembered Franklin called,I cried while talking on the phone to him.. Coz I dun get to c grandpa n I hv a bad feeling of it.. The feeling had bothered me eversince grandpa admitted hospital..It kept me up that night.
Sunday,12th December 2010,mum went out with aunt Lily n aunt Molly early in the morning to GH.. wanted to see the doctor to ask abt grandpa's condition. While the 3 of us went for mass. SO aft mass we came home,n mum was in grandma's house..At the time of 1pm,mum called us to go to grandma's house to meet up..but Jess said that she's tired n she took nap for a while. ard 2pm mum called again, ask us to go to grandma's house now..
While we were otw to grandma's house,mum called again asking us to rush over coz grandpa got prob d.. then we picked mum n aunt molly up fron grandma's house n quickly rush to GH.. Grandpa dint wait for us.. while we were almost reaching,by juz a turn away grandpa passed away.
I cried so hard.. when I got to see him.. I held his hand.. n it was cold..
Grandpa..I'm sorry that I didn't visit u after u got transferred. I'm sorry that I've stopped running to u n hugging u like I used to do when I was young.. Grandpa.. I'm sorry that I couldn't spend much time with u when I was young n growing up..Grandpa..thank you for everything..
I LOVE YOU Grandpa! n I'll miss you owaz..
Thursday, November 4, 2010
My 2nd Accident....
Last Sunday,01st Nov 2010...ONe of my tragic days that I can realli remember my whole life..
I was on my way back after swimming with mei n her bf.. Bt mei said she wanna hv some roti canai.. So we went,driving mum's car..
Aft that, While we were on our way back the time is around 7.00pm.. the skies r growing darker by the minute due to rain.. I think the car in front of me hadn't turn his head lights on..
So there were four vietnamese girls standing in the middle of a busy road trying to cross..
So these two girls wearing black cross the road the car in front nearly bang them over.. I saw the car in front moving aft the "nearly bang over" incident.. so i step on the accelerator.. the minute i step on it.. the car was right in front of my hood.. then I go "OH SHIT!!!!" n then "BANG!!!" there goes mum's car again..
I park my car at e side of e road.. The uncle (chinese) came down n the first thing he did is scold the vietnamese girls.. then he came n ask how m I.. while mei call mum.. At that time was drizzling.. lucky no thunder.. So the tow car came.. n towed mum's car.. I was in a trauma then.. i think.. Mei told me.. She told me that I was staring at a place..They tried to call me from a distance not too far bt i couldnt hear them.. till they came n pat my back... I know i was in shocked n I dun feel like talkin at all...
So jie's afraid if we report to the police.. my license will b "gantung".. So she took the blame for me.. Reported to the police.. n did all the documentations the next morning.. I thank mum for not scolding me.. I thank jie for taking the blame for me.. I dunno what can I do without the both of u.. n I thank mei for comforting me..
The images of the accident keep hitting me.. I haven got a nice sleep every night..N when I started to write this.. remembering all what had happen.. I'm shivering.. n I'm scared.. I dun think that i can drive for now.. I'm juz realli scared..
Could i juz hug a person whom i felt the person with security sense n sleep?? arghh.. That's not gonna happen..
Oh well, this is gonna b another night that i couldnt sleep again. =( T.T
I was on my way back after swimming with mei n her bf.. Bt mei said she wanna hv some roti canai.. So we went,driving mum's car..
Aft that, While we were on our way back the time is around 7.00pm.. the skies r growing darker by the minute due to rain.. I think the car in front of me hadn't turn his head lights on..
So there were four vietnamese girls standing in the middle of a busy road trying to cross..
So these two girls wearing black cross the road the car in front nearly bang them over.. I saw the car in front moving aft the "nearly bang over" incident.. so i step on the accelerator.. the minute i step on it.. the car was right in front of my hood.. then I go "OH SHIT!!!!" n then "BANG!!!" there goes mum's car again..
I park my car at e side of e road.. The uncle (chinese) came down n the first thing he did is scold the vietnamese girls.. then he came n ask how m I.. while mei call mum.. At that time was drizzling.. lucky no thunder.. So the tow car came.. n towed mum's car.. I was in a trauma then.. i think.. Mei told me.. She told me that I was staring at a place..They tried to call me from a distance not too far bt i couldnt hear them.. till they came n pat my back... I know i was in shocked n I dun feel like talkin at all...
So jie's afraid if we report to the police.. my license will b "gantung".. So she took the blame for me.. Reported to the police.. n did all the documentations the next morning.. I thank mum for not scolding me.. I thank jie for taking the blame for me.. I dunno what can I do without the both of u.. n I thank mei for comforting me..
The images of the accident keep hitting me.. I haven got a nice sleep every night..N when I started to write this.. remembering all what had happen.. I'm shivering.. n I'm scared.. I dun think that i can drive for now.. I'm juz realli scared..
Could i juz hug a person whom i felt the person with security sense n sleep?? arghh.. That's not gonna happen..
Oh well, this is gonna b another night that i couldnt sleep again. =( T.T
04th Nov 2010 - Thursday @ 2023 hours
Tomorrow's Deepavali.. The festive of lights n essences.. Happy Deepavali to all my Indian friends.. =)
OH well.. A week ago, Sophia told me abt her sorrows when we're working.. She told me abt her feelings towards her current bf has faded. Coz she's here in Penang n her bf is in Russia studying doctor. I know its gonna b tough but at least they maintained the relationship for 3 years now. Rather than me..being single all the time.LOL
She told me that sometimes when she call her bf,she bf said that he's goin out to play basketball or hanging out with friends..etc etc. SHe got frustrated abt her bf whom doesnt wanna care,who doesnt wanna talk to her, who doesnt wanna worry abt her.. hmm guess being in a long distanced relationship is realli hard..Well i realli hope the best for her.. I cant realli understand the feelings of a person whom is in a long distanced relationship..But from what I heard it aint that good.. OH well.. we'll see abt that.. =D
Thinking back abt the job offer that Alicia's brother-in-law offered.. I've submitted my resume in.. A girl name Jane replied.. asking me a few Qs n indirectly (I mean in other type of sentence) ask me to go for an interview. So I responded to her Qs n asked her whether it is possible to make a phone interview instead of goin down to JB for an interview. Till now, she hadn't reply..So I guess they've turn down my application.. =( Though i Realli want to go for the job offer..
OH well.. That's what God has decided for me.. I realli hope for the best to come.. God lead me the Way!!!!
OH well.. A week ago, Sophia told me abt her sorrows when we're working.. She told me abt her feelings towards her current bf has faded. Coz she's here in Penang n her bf is in Russia studying doctor. I know its gonna b tough but at least they maintained the relationship for 3 years now. Rather than me..being single all the time.LOL
She told me that sometimes when she call her bf,she bf said that he's goin out to play basketball or hanging out with friends..etc etc. SHe got frustrated abt her bf whom doesnt wanna care,who doesnt wanna talk to her, who doesnt wanna worry abt her.. hmm guess being in a long distanced relationship is realli hard..Well i realli hope the best for her.. I cant realli understand the feelings of a person whom is in a long distanced relationship..But from what I heard it aint that good.. OH well.. we'll see abt that.. =D
Thinking back abt the job offer that Alicia's brother-in-law offered.. I've submitted my resume in.. A girl name Jane replied.. asking me a few Qs n indirectly (I mean in other type of sentence) ask me to go for an interview. So I responded to her Qs n asked her whether it is possible to make a phone interview instead of goin down to JB for an interview. Till now, she hadn't reply..So I guess they've turn down my application.. =( Though i Realli want to go for the job offer..
OH well.. That's what God has decided for me.. I realli hope for the best to come.. God lead me the Way!!!!
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