My memories with my beloved Grandpa who's in heaven now..

Grandpa admitted into Loh Guan Lye Specialists Hospital on the 26th Nov 2010. Coz on that very morning,he woke up n fell down from his bed.. Grandpa did try to stand up but he couldnt.. When he tried,he fell again.. That's how his head got into the dustbin. Around 6-7am,the maid went into his room to check on him..She found that grandpa was on the floor. She quickly called my step-grandma (but we normally call her ahma)..n ahma called mum.. as my step aunt n her family is in Genting on that very day..

When mum got to grandpa's house, he was awake but he's complaining that his left arm is in pain.. As the home doctor arrived, the doctor advice mum to admit my grandpa into Loh Guan Lye's hosp. So from that day on,we've visited grandpa almost every single night.. Aft that, when mum rest assured that everything's fine.. Mum went for her team building trip.

ON that very Sunday,28th Nov 2010, Grandpa was sent into ICU..Coz the doctor said that his blood pressure has gone very low..So mum was in her team building trip, she ask the 3 of us to visit grandpa n see how's everything.. So everything was fine then..

After for a few days, grandpa's condition was stable n he's admitted to the normal ward..but he couldnt talk properly as he got stroke.. but then I remember him smiling when he held my mum's hand.. n when he looked at us.. n there's one time where he stared at e ceiling.. my mum asked him to sleep, and my mum put her hand on grandpa's forehead juz to close his eyes.. Grandpa got mad,n ask mum not to disturb.. Mei n I was laughin then..

SO as per the doctor,grandpa's condition is currently stable.. everything's fine..But unfortunately on the 5th Dec 2010,when mum thinks that grandpa's fine in hosp.. On that day itself my grandpa's heart stopped.. when I got the news I cried so hard..N cruelly my aunt asks me to work n not to go with her.. I hate her for that..

In the end，grandpa was saved by the doctors..But it was a 5 minutes too late.. From then on, grandpa couldnt wake up n was a vegetable then. NO matter wat,he still can hear us talking.. I remembered his tears running down from his eyes thru his face when I talked to him.. It breaks my heart to see him like this..

Mum thought that they're taking grandpa home as the doctors say he couldnt survive.. But it was another news the next day.. The doctors say that he's currently in a stable condition apart from the life support that they are supporting him with..everything's fine.

So 2nd aunt (mum's sis)who's a government servant as a teacher..wrote a letter asking for transfer to GH..So they made all the arrangements to get grandpa transfer..

ON 9th December 2010,Thursday, Grandpa got transferred to General Hospital. From that day on,I've been bugging my mum to bring me to visit grandpa.. but she said that the visiting time aint right..I work until 6pm by the time v get thr confirm cannot visit grandpa edi.. Coz their visiting time is until 8pm sharp only.. When i said that I wanna take leave juz to accompany grandpa,mum n mei. But mum keep saying no..Mum ask me to visit grandpa on Saturday aft work. She promised to bring me there..

Saturday comes.. I've been so excited to visit grandpa after work,waiting for the time to pass by fast.. when the clock strikes 3pm,I quickly pack my bag n got home. By the time I got home, I dint see mum's car anywhere.. I called mei,mei told me that they are in Penang edi.. It breaks my heart that mum had prmised but she told me she forgot..I was mad n sad..
On that night,I remembered Franklin called,I cried while talking on the phone to him.. Coz I dun get to c grandpa n I hv a bad feeling of it.. The feeling had bothered me eversince grandpa admitted hospital..It kept me up that night.

Sunday,12th December 2010,mum went out with aunt Lily n aunt Molly early in the morning to GH.. wanted to see the doctor to ask abt grandpa's condition. While the 3 of us went for mass. SO aft mass we came home,n mum was in grandma's house..At the time of 1pm,mum called us to go to grandma's house to meet up..but Jess said that she's tired n she took nap for a while. ard 2pm mum called again, ask us to go to grandma's house now..

While we were otw to grandma's house,mum called again asking us to rush over coz grandpa got prob d.. then we picked mum n aunt molly up fron grandma's house n quickly rush to GH.. Grandpa dint wait for us.. while we were almost reaching,by juz a turn away grandpa passed away.
I cried so hard.. when I got to see him.. I held his hand.. n it was cold..

Grandpa..I'm sorry that I didn't visit u after u got transferred. I'm sorry that I've stopped running to u n hugging u like I used to do when I was young.. Grandpa.. I'm sorry that I couldn't spend much time with u when I was young n growing up..Grandpa..thank you for everything..
I LOVE YOU Grandpa! n I'll miss you owaz..

My 2nd Accident....

Last Sunday,01st Nov 2010...ONe of my tragic days that I can realli remember my whole life..

I was on my way back after swimming with mei n her bf.. Bt mei said she wanna hv some roti canai.. So we went,driving mum's car..

Aft that, While we were on our way back the time is around 7.00pm.. the skies r growing darker by the minute due to rain.. I think the car in front of me hadn't turn his head lights on..
So there were four vietnamese girls standing in the middle of a busy road trying to cross..

So these two girls wearing black cross the road the car in front nearly bang them over.. I saw the car in front moving aft the "nearly bang over" incident.. so i step on the accelerator.. the minute i step on it.. the car was right in front of my hood.. then I go "OH SHIT!!!!" n then "BANG!!!" there goes mum's car again..

I park my car at e side of e road.. The uncle (chinese) came down n the first thing he did is scold the vietnamese girls.. then he came n ask how m I.. while mei call mum.. At that time was drizzling.. lucky no thunder.. So the tow car came.. n towed mum's car.. I was in a trauma then.. i think.. Mei told me.. She told me that I was staring at a place..They tried to call me from a distance not too far bt i couldnt hear them.. till they came n pat my back... I know i was in shocked n I dun feel like talkin at all...

So jie's afraid if we report to the police.. my license will b "gantung".. So she took the blame for me.. Reported to the police.. n did all the documentations the next morning.. I thank mum for not scolding me.. I thank jie for taking the blame for me.. I dunno what can I do without the both of u.. n I thank mei for comforting me..

The images of the accident keep hitting me.. I haven got a nice sleep every night..N when I started to write this.. remembering all what had happen.. I'm shivering.. n I'm scared.. I dun think that i can drive for now.. I'm juz realli scared..

Could i juz hug a person whom i felt the person with security sense n sleep?? arghh.. That's not gonna happen..

Oh well, this is gonna b another night that i couldnt sleep again. =( T.T

04th Nov 2010 - Thursday @ 2023 hours

Tomorrow's Deepavali.. The festive of lights n essences.. Happy Deepavali to all my Indian friends.. =)

OH well.. A week ago, Sophia told me abt her sorrows when we're working.. She told me abt her feelings towards her current bf has faded. Coz she's here in Penang n her bf is in Russia studying doctor. I know its gonna b tough but at least they maintained the relationship for 3 years now. Rather than me..being single all the time.LOL

She told me that sometimes when she call her bf,she bf said that he's goin out to play basketball or hanging out with friends..etc etc. SHe got frustrated abt her bf whom doesnt wanna care,who doesnt wanna talk to her, who doesnt wanna worry abt her.. hmm guess being in a long distanced relationship is realli hard..Well i realli hope the best for her.. I cant realli understand the feelings of a person whom is in a long distanced relationship..But from what I heard it aint that good.. OH well.. we'll see abt that.. =D

Thinking back abt the job offer that Alicia's brother-in-law offered.. I've submitted my resume in.. A girl name Jane replied.. asking me a few Qs n indirectly (I mean in other type of sentence) ask me to go for an interview. So I responded to her Qs n asked her whether it is possible to make a phone interview instead of goin down to JB for an interview. Till now, she hadn't reply..So I guess they've turn down my application.. =( Though i Realli want to go for the job offer..


OH well.. That's what God has decided for me.. I realli hope for the best to come.. God lead me the Way!!!!

26th October 2010 - Tuesday @1412hours

Well, I'm writing secretly during working hours..hehehe..

So I've decide to let God to make this job decisions for me.. I've prayed before I send my resume so that God will help me to decide whether I should take up the offer or not.

If the company rejected my application means God doesn't want me to leave here bt to stay with my family.. If the company accepted my application means I have to go..

To tell you the truth,I'm freaking nervous about this.. Dunno what are God's plans for me..arghhh.. this is killing me..

Well, if he decides that I'm staying, I would want to change my job field. For me to get out from my aunt's company n go experience and learn some new stuffs n make new friends.. N so new frustrations.. I would want to take up the challenge rather than staying in this safe n comfy home...

N one more thing, I've just received a call from Starbucks Jusco asking me to go for an interview today later in the evening..hmmm i wonder how would everything turn out.. So let's hope for the best then!

21st Oct 2010 - Thursday @ 2229hours - Decisions... =(

Decisions Decisions Decisions...

NOw its really hard for me to make a decent n correct decision.. hmm
Dont y'all sometimes feel its hard to make one simply decision even when its really enquires a simple answer like yes or no?

Well, normally it wouldnt be that hard bt then this time its realli hard..
Alicia jie, msn me told me that there's a job offer in JB for me. She ask whether that I wanna take it up or not? The company name is Mei Ban, actually can google it n check it out.. Hmm the jobs offers higher than my current salary now.. I realli wish that i could go n experience new things.. But the thing is...

If I decide to Go.. I hv to leave behind my lil sis and mum.. N thus, the things that are happening here.. a.k.a. St Anne's Novena n Feast.Friends like Essie,Grace,Mark,Noel and especially Franklin,my best buddy in the whole wide world.. n thus it goes to all of my church's friends. Well, for some things sacrifices hv to be made.. The benefits are, I get to go out n explore a whole new working world, lead a new leaf there..

If I decided NOT to go.. I hv to turn down the delicious offer.. N get back to reality.. Bt my plans are, to search for a new job in Penang Island which is closer to my home..to work n stay in Penang.. I realli need some answers.. God please help me on makin the decisions!! PLease God!

Lately.. Mum's angry with me.. She said that I've changed aft I joined church choir.. hmm.. I dunno y n where hv i change.. Bt what i know that I've owaz been myself.. n nobody elses..
Mayb mum's worried abt me goin out whole day.. n she juz get to spend the time with me during weekends where I've been out.. I think that she thinks that she's losing me.. Bt I really wanna tell her that, I've not changed abit.. Yes I've been goin out lately with friends.. Bt I know what I've been doin n my activities are clean rather than goin to pubs n clubs..
I'm out wif friends as in to escape a part of reality n enjoy myself..

Sometimes I dun wish that I'm here.. bt I hv to face the music.. So God I really need u to help me to make my decisions.. Please provide me some of the answers that I　need and that I won't regret making that decision..

13th Oct 2010 - Wednesday @ aftnn

A Day at the Beach

Load of LOLness... We're actually doing a farewell party for Lulu.. For he's leaving KL this Sunday.. =( Ppl who knows my secret knows how I feel (at least i think so)

N we went along with our newest member Gracieeee.. lol (my cuzzie)

Well, it all began with Lulu who came to my office as in to arrange his bike to send to KL.. He came around 11.50am.. and after settling the documentations.. We both left our office on my bike ard 12.10pm..as planned.. We rode all the way to Noel's house n waited for Essie to come n pick us up.. I remembered that it was a fine day bt with dark clouds la..

So while waiting for Essie to come.. hmm n its quite a long time i think.. Me n Lulu was hungry then..

Around 1pm Essie reached Noel's house n pick us up.. n we are on our way to Penang!! We went to a food court to hv our lunch first before hitting e beachhhhh!!! Miami Beachhh!!!

N so we hit the beach.. Woo! We've started off like a picnic party la.. then only touch the sea water.. I was wanting to emo at e beach n so does Graciee.. lol wat ur gonna do with cousins.. we think the same.. its in the blood.. LOL.. Bt then we end up with the boys carrying us one by one to e sea water to get wet la..hmmmm >.<>

N James was building his "Portugese Port"?? N thus we helped out a bit la.. after that they continued with football on beach la.. n James's port is e goal..

Aft all those fun.. its ald 7 something.. Essie wanted to play truth or dare with them.. n so we sat in a circle while drinking n played.. hmm not much of questions though, n so we ended the game short.. We packed everything n left it in the car so that we could go n shower n change at e nearby public toilet..bt thennnn.. hmm the public toilet's close..!! DAMNNN!!

Bt then there's an uncle whom's so kind (from e nearby hawker stall) showed us n let us use the pipe water at e back of his stall to wash off everything..From there, started la.. Essie got high edi..LOLs aft a few shots of mix vodka n i had a few too.. bt she got high n im not.. juz the head's spinning..

Lucky us, Markie got a relative who's living nearby.. We went there, its actually a recreation ctr on rental stuff on beach sports.. we went there to wash up ourselves n change into dry clothes.. while the girls (me,Essie n gracie) were waiting for Markie n James to finish washing up (Lulu n Noel got ready) Lulu complain that he's hungry.. lucky Gracie had made some delicious sandwiches which lulu named them "Eggna" coz its Tuna sandwich n Egg sandwich.. LOLs

After we all washed up,Noel drove coz Essie's abit blur.. n juz before leaving the ctr.. at e car park lookin at us was Mark's cousin.. n Essie said “Eh y'all wait wait.. Is that boy real??” all of us laugh n said Yes..!!

We went to the Long Beach food court to have some dinner, that time I dun realli hv the mood to eat much.. n so I shared my food with Lulu..=D at least somebody to finish my food for me.. hehehe.. aft dinner all 7 of us walked ard the night market for a while and head home..

Aft I got home, I've chatted with Gracie for a while, then Lulu came online asked me whether i got home edi n all.. So i replied by saying yesh.. n he told me that juz b4 reaching his house coz Essie sending Markie n Lulu home.. Essie tyre puncture..LOL.. n she's damn lucky to hv them both with them.. Otherwise, we wouldnt know where she would b jacking n changing e tyre edi..Lol then all e gang members came online n chatted till 2am..

N so as i always said.. hanging out with them it will end in the name of FUN!

03rd October 2010 - Sunday @1800 hours = Blue Sunday

Well.. the week has pass by fast..

Went for choir practice on Saturday.. Uncle Jim couldn't make it.. So we're practicing on our own..Some uncle conducting the choir la.. James n LuLu dint come for practice coz they went to Karen Lee's birthday party in Penang..

So after practice.. Esther C. dunno what to do.. N she's e one who's really active to go anywhere.. Well, me too.. I like to go out n hang out with friends.. Most of the time, until late night i dun realli mind.. Juz that the relaxation is there.. hang out n chill... What I love the most about goin out with them is chit chatting..sitting down at e beach n juz chill la..

Then yesterday night we actually plan to go to Noel's house n juz hang out there..Bt we asked Lulu n James whether they can come n join us anot..They say mayb can..ard 10pm.. Meanwhile me n Esther r in Old Town hving dinner n juz wait for the time to pass..Hehe.. I actually sms-ed Franklin n told him that I'm hving dinner alone.. ask him to come n join me.. In e end he really did come.. Thanks Frank.. though I'm not alone.. lol.. So me,Esther n Frank hang out-ed at Old Town till 10pm.. n Thank you Frankie for dinner.. hehe.. In e end we dint go to Noel's house.. went home instead.. Bcoz Lulu n James couldnt make it,n they went home straight..

So Sunday is today.. Went for 2 masses.. normal morning mass n shrine mass.. aft shrine mass ends around 1pm..then we had lunch n talked till 2.. then we actually decide to go home edi.. n last minute plans.. Esther said that she wans to go for pool.. Then we went.. I've played for a game n then mum called.. scolded me n asking me to go back.. my heart sank then..She turn my mood upside down edi.. Was totaly sad.. couldnt realli hang out with "Crazy Anything"..

Then when I came home.. Mei told me that mum doesnt wan me to join anything concerning with the Youth.. even choir oso..sighs..!! I really really really wanna join.. n its what i wanted to do for a looooonnngggg time.. n I dun hv the courage to.. Bt now, along with Esther I joined.. Im doin this is becoz I want to serve God in a way that I wan to.. Mum's worried that rumours n all gonna come again.. SiGHS!!!

I know that mum's concern of my well being.. Bt I know what I'm doing.. I know I used to b a girl who stays at home all the time.. dun feel like goin anywhere n all.. Bt I would like to hang out wit friends..especially with "Crazy Anything".. lol

Mum's angry that im always out during these weekends.. Bt I dun hang out until wee hours like 3-4am.. Most of the time is around 1am..n most of the time, Esther C. is the one who fetch me home.. I dun drive most of the time n all.. I know she cares.. Bt wat I can promise is I know what I'm doin n all e activities that we do are healthy.. Either is watching movie,shopping or juz a simple pool game or juz sitting down on e beach n juz chill.. I juz really hope that mum would open her mind out n let me juz hang out with friends..

Coz I'm bored.. I mean realli BORED..!!! coz after work is home.. aft home work again.. everyday is the same type of routine that i always do.. all I wan is really to relax n chill with friends...juz to get all the stress n pressure out.. arghh..!!